Adventures of a Wanderlust

So thankful.....

2011-10-11T21:42:00.000+05:30

Most of you, though not all of you are aware that Zain developed jaundice a few days after his birth. At first I wasn't worried about it at all, since Yasmine had jaundice and the dr's in Canada never even tested her levels, they just told me to feed her constantly and that she would get rid of it through her urine and stools. So I never thought much of it until we went to our 4 day after birth dr's appointment. The dr seemed pretty concerned and wanted to take Zain's blood. He told me to be prepared to have Zain admitted to the hospital for 3 days to undergo photo therapy. I still wasn't worried, but I guess that is my own ignorance of jaundice and how it works.

We received a phone call about 2 hours later stating that Zain's levels were high and that we should admit him. The dr. isn't the one who phoned, it was the lab technician and she didn't say it was an emergency. We called a few friends who have been through this here and Junayd and I decided to bring Zain in the morning, and that I would continue nursing him frequently and put him in sunlight in the morning.

What Junayd and I weren't told, was that jaundice can take on a more serious case in second born babies whose blood type matches the mothers. Zain and I were both A+, and apparently it's a physiological reaction. This was NOT specified to us nor were we told it was urgent to take him in that night.

When we finally were admitted, they took blood from Zain again and his levels had risen 4 points over night. He had to be fitted with an IV and start 24/7 photo therapy. It was heartwrenching. I was already experiencing mild postpartum depression (just crying at the drop of a hat), which I never experienced after Yasmine's birth, even with the death of my mother. Zain was such a trooper and the nurses made me leave when they inserted the IV. I guess mothers can get a little frantic seeing that, and I know I would have probably freaked out. I had an iv for both Yasmine's and Zain's birth and it was painful and uncomfortable. I could hear him crying, and I sat with Yasmine on the other side of the room, I had to try and remain stoic for her, because I didn't want to freak her out. She was with us the whole day, as both my in-laws were working. And Junayd and I didn't want her to get scared seeing us both so worried.

Finally we were brought to our private room and waiting for us there was this cold, hard table, that my baby had to lay on in a diaper, all alone. The bottom was glass and there was a light underneath and a light over top. The kicker, was when they fitted Zain with baby cotton goggles that he had to wear the whole time as to not hurt his eyes. When they put him in this bed, he cried so hard and I couldn't do much to soothe him other than sing to him and hold his hand. Seeing him in this "bed" made my knees buckle and I had to go to the bathroom and cry so that Yasmine wouldn't be worried. It was hard to control my emotions.

The worst news was yet to come when the dr. came by to our room and told us if Zain't levels didn't go down 4 points he would need a blood transfusion. This was when all hell broke loose and I could not even control my tears at this point. What kind of blood would they get for my child? I was in a developing country where I didn't know their practices and principles on blood testing. The dr.s told us if we wanted a friend to donate we would need to be prepared for the worst and have the blood ready to go in the 3 hours we had until the test would be retaken. After crying and freaking out and literally getting on my knees to pray, Junayd and I went into action. I got on the phone and called my bestest girlfriend here in Hyderabad Tracy. I needed someone to coordinate stuff at the hospital, and get on the phone to our friends to find a+ candidates who could donate blood for Zain. We were told no relatives could donate due to some reason with jaundice. Junayd's manager from him work came over as soon as he heard the news from Junayd and both of them were on the phone to friends. Tracy was the the hospital almost minutes after I told her the news.

When I moved to India I had no idea the group of friends I would make here and how importnat they would all become at this very moment. 2 of my friends, Helen and Robyn and one of their husband's, Terrence rushed to the blood bank who were a+ to get screened and tested and 2 of Junayd's friends were on their way to the blood bank as well. In the meantime, Junayd and his friend Navneet rushed to the blood bank to coordinate the possible candidates there. Tracy pretty much took control at the hospital and frantically was the middle man between Junayd and the dr's and nurses at the hospital making sure all the info was given to the blood bank and also was on the phone with friends searching for a+ blood.

One of my friends Kris, who has 2 of her own children rushed to the hospital with snacks and toys for Yasmine. I had prepared nothing because I thought Junayd would just take Yasmine home. We did not anticipate this news. Kris had brought a portable dvd player with Dora, blocks for her to play with, yogurt and fruit and snacks for us in the hospital. Tracy had also rushed home and got diapers for Yasmine and Zain, her breast pump (in case he did get the transfusion) and toothbrushes and body wash for me, because I was not leaving that hospital for one second.
I just don't know what I would have done without these wonderful women. The ones who went to the blood bank and the ones who came to the hospital to help and hold my hand. It was overwhelming. I never thought I'd meet and make such great friends here, and it was in this time of need that I really saw how special these women are.
My mother-in-law was also there and sat by my side throughout this as well, and the next day she came with a whole slew of food for us for lunch and dinner. It was extremely thoughtful, but I also know that she suffered alongside us as well.

The hardest part was calling my family and telling them the news, because I knew they were aching for Junayd and I, and wanted to be here to help us through it. My dad remained calm and kept me calm and my sister cried with me and allowed me to feel the pain I was feeling. I never thought I'd feel the way I felt when my mother died, but this was almost worse. Seeing your own child who was only 5 days old go through this pain, and possibly have a blood transfusion was agonizing.

The best news of the day came around 930pm, when we were told that Zain's levels went down 4 points and that he would not need the blood transfusion. It was the best news I could have heard. I immediately called Junayd who was still at the blood bank and told him the great news! We were all so relieved.

Over the next day Zain's levels came down slowly and after 2 nights in the hospital his levels came down so much that we were released in 2 days instead of 3. Those days and nights in the hospital were long, but Junayd, who took yasmine home at night came and spent the day with me and brought Yasmine and we made it as bearable as possible. Junayd was a rock and really came through for me and took over with Yasmine so I could be there for Zain. The only time he could come out of the light was bed was when I was nursing him. It was so hard not to cuddle him for hours, but I knew it was best for him to get as much of the light as possible. The doctor said most babies don't even sleep much for the treatments and she thought Zain was amazing, because he slept a lot of the time. But if you know my husband....a real sleeper!! I didn't get much sleep because after every nursing session it took me a while to console him once he was back in that bed. And I didn't blame him...it looked extremely uncomfortable.

I'm so thankful it's all over, and I have him home with us and he is doing fantastic. We took him to the dr's today and there is no more signs of jaundice.

I'm also so thankful to everyone who helped out, it meant the world to Junayd and I and made this whole terrifying ordeal so much easier to deal with. I am so lucky to have such great caring friends and family. Also I am thankful to the wonderful nurses and doctors at Rainbow hospital who did everything they could to make this easier on Junayd and I and who took great care of our son.

I know the saying that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger....but I have enough strength now for a lifetime..I don't need anymore.

He's here!! And all the nitty gritty details...

2011-10-02T22:40:00.000+05:30

Zain Samuel Ahmed has arrived!! A little earlier than expected, but healthy nonetheless. Born at 532pm, on September 30th, weighing 7.2 pounds and 21 inches long.

Here's how it all went down.....

I have been keeping track of my blood pressure at home throughout most of my pregnancy, due to white coat syndrome (higher numbers at doctor's office) we thought in order to get the most accurate readings was to do it myself. I emailed my doctor once a week with the results taken morning and night. On my last visit to the dr's, which was on September 28th, I told her that I was noticing my BP slowly moving up. She still didn't seem worried, and told me she'd check my urine for protein and check my blood for liver function and uric acid. They found protein in the urine, and it's a sign of pre-eclampsia. She wanted to wait until getting the blood work done but she told me if my blood pressure reached 100 (the bottom number) to come in immediately.

The next morning, when I checked it was 150/104 and when I checked it again 5 minutes later, expecting it to go down as it usually does, it was 150/110. I quickly emailed her, woke up my husband and told him to get ready to go to the hospital. My dr. emailed back immediately and said, pack a bag, we're inducing you today. And that my blood pressure was going up too quickly.

We arrived at the hospital, and they set me up and check my blood pressure, it had gone up to 160/120, so they put an iv in my hand and I was introduced me to the anesthesiologist, who was WONDERFUL. She never stressed me out and she was extremely vigilant with a terrific bed side manner. I was worried but she constantly told me they would do everything possible to make sure they stabilized my BP. The drugs they gave me in the iv worked for about 30 minutes, then it shot back up again, and it took almost 4 hours to stabilize me. They even called in another anesthesiologist for a consultation. I was given magnesium sulphate which had the weirdest side effect. It made the entire inside of my body feel like it was on fire. It was the oddest feeling but went away quickly. Finally, my BP was stable and it stayed that way until I delivered Zain. But it was quite scary, and I could sense the tension from the anesthesiologists and my OB.

Meanwhile, my OB had started inserting some kind of tablet into my cervix to start the dilation process and to soften the cervix. So my labor started around 4pm on the 29th with minor contractions. They would check every 4 hours and keep re-inserting this tablet. After about 12 hours, and still only at a 1, feeling completely deflated I asked her about other means. My OB said this was the most natural way to induce me without giving me a harsher drug like pitocin. So I trusted her and let her continue to do what she thought was best.

Finally, around 11am on the 30th, I started to go into active labour and quickly dilated to a 4 in about an hour. I hadn't eaten anything since the day before at 2pm, so i was weak and tired. I was only allowed water and some fruit juice. By about 330pm I had reached 10cm, but this time I didn't have that urge to push like with Yasmine. But I started pushing anyway, and the OB (my actual OB was stuck at another part of town and couldn't get to the hospital because of political protests and agitations on the streets), told me that the baby hadn't come down and that I would need to really push to bring him down. After pushing for an hour, I was ready to faint. I was exhausted and the baby hadn't moved down. And I was in excruciating pain. I opted not to have the epidural, so I felt it ALL. Another OB was asked to come help who had been in constant communication with my OB, and they told me they would give me a mild dose of pitocin to help bring the baby down. They needed to hurry to get him out because his heart rate was going down. I was freaking out. The thought of even 10 more minutes of contractions or pushing was putting me completely over the edge and I just wanted my baby to come safely. Thankfully Junayd was a great coach and motivator and really helped me focus and get through it. I was exhausted, and I wanted to pain to be over. After about 15 minutes I had that urge to push that I remember having with Yasmine, and in about 3 pushes I finally delivered our baby. I didn't have to have an episiotomy nor did I tear, so no stitches at all!!

They quietly put the baby on my stomach, and Junayd and I looked at our baby and then looked at each other and said, "It's a boy." What a wonderful surprise.

All in all, it was a difficult and painful delivery, but absolutely rewarding. My first thoughts after the delivery was, thank God I do not have to do this again and thank God this is over!! It was the most difficult thing i have ever done in my life and I am thankful for getting the chance to experience giving birth twice.

Here is a picture of our little prince. We are just so in love with him, and his big sister can't stop kissing him. My family is complete.

Raising a child in India

2011-09-14T17:29:00.000+05:30

Raising a child with a partner that is from a different culture and living in their culture is definitely not easy. It takes so much communication and the things he thinks are really important, are minor to me and vice versa.
I think Junayd and I are doing a relatively good job at meeting int he middle, but it's some of the small things that make it really difficult to parent. Admittedly, I am doing the parenting about 70% of the time, mostly because he works and he is gone for 10 hours a day.

Junayd and I spoke about this the other day. He feels,I raise Yasmine with day to day goals, like saying please and thank yous, eating her food, behaving, etc... but he has these long term ideas, which of course are super important but I feel are not worth dealing with right away. He is very very adamant about our children never living with a partner before they are married, and also he feels that our children marrying young is way more beneficial than waiting until they are older. In his mind they are less likely to be promiscuous if they get married early. It's quite an Indian attitude, that's for sure. Whereas, I'm very detached about stuff like that, I think it's mostly my western attitude, because, once they turn 18, I feel that a lot of stuff will be beyond my control. You can teach your children well, but these kinds of things are really hard to enforce when your child is 25 and telling you they will live with their boyfriend/girlfriend. Believe me I have been there done that. My parents didn't like my choice, but they certainly didn't disown me. I would never force my children to marry young and I would never disown them for living with their partner before marriage.

But some of the smaller things are what really frustrate me. This business of letting kids do what they want, when they want, is just ridiculous to me. Yasmine is almost 2 years old, and just because she wants chocolate doesn't mean she gets it. I am having the hardest time fighting with my own husband about stuff like this.
Kids stay up until all hours of the night here, and people expect me to do the same with Yasmine. I make compromises, but I don't feel like a 2 year old should be up until 10pm. I was at my in-laws the other day and it was 830, already late, and I told my mil that Yasmine had to get to bed. And she said "so early?" I was like, she is normally sleeping by now!!

Also this business of feeding her crap is getting to me as well. Last night, as an example, I was at my in-laws and we were cooking chicken and a few other things. I told Junayd to make sure Yasmine didn't eat anything before dinner because she wouldn't eat. I turned around 5 minutes later and she had this cake in her hand. I was like who gave her this?? My fil was like I did, she asked for it, so I gave it to her. I was so livid. I turned to Junayd and I said, this is why our daughter is NOT eating her meals. He just shrugged and was like, grandparents are supposed to spoil the grand kids. So of course I took away the cake and she cried bloody murder, and I am once again the bad guy. And this has happened so many times I can't even count. This is where I need the support from Junayd.

My MIL gave Yasmine some coke at like 7pm at night when I specifically said no, and right before my eyes I see her giving Yasmine coke, and before I could take it away, Yasmine had drank half a glass. Guess who was awake until 1130pm??? I mean who the hell is the parent here? Every time we go over, she gets chocolate, and during Ramazan we were there 4 times a week so she got chocolate every time. There's only so many times you can fight with them.
My in-laws are terrific people, and they love Yasmine, and I know that's how they show their affection, but I need to draw the line somewhere. If it means less visits over there then so be it. But what I really need is support from Junayd with this stuff, he needs to tell his parents to stop. But again, he just doesn't see this stuff as major issues. But to me it's still all part in raising a healthy unspoiled child, and because she gets whatever she wants at her grandparents, she expects the same at home too. It's more battle than I care to deal with.

It will just take more work and communication and I know I have to let a lot of this stuff go, because some of it is not worth stressing about. But I hate always being the bad guy in this situations, and Junayd needs to step in and discipline as well.

Awful customer service

2011-09-01T15:06:00.000+05:30

This posting is just an continuation of my facebook status message that I posted about being completely stressed about shopping here in India and dealing with bad customer service. My friend Amy, who has been to India put it aptly, that it is complete indifference. Customers are treated like they are a dime a dozen, and I guess in a country with a population of a billion people there will always be customers coming, but really is that a way to do business?
I have worked in customer service most of my life and I know how customers should be treated and how important it is to the company to maintain it's customers. Just ask my sister what kind of deals Bell Canada threw at her when she threatened to change cell phone providers.

Here are 3 recent scenarios that have happened to me and my husband, that can try and explain the customer service. There have been many many more, but these are fresh in my memory.

Scenario 1
A few days ago, I went to buy a toy for Yasmine from us for Eid (the end of Ramazan celebration). I walked into the shop and she instantly fell in love with a riding toy. She started riding it around the shop and having a good time. When she got off the toy, I noticed a small crack on the seat. Nothing huge, but enough to warrant a discount. I'd still buy it, since it was not that big of a deal. I didn't feel like running to many different stores as Yasmine was running all over the place and at 33 weeks pregnant running after was not an option. When I showed the sales associate the crack, he said he had another one to replace it, which was fine with me. But then I realized he wanted to sell me another colour completely, which was pink. I didn't want to buy pink since i don't know the sex of this baby and it will most likely be passed to him/her. I wanted the yellow one. I told him as much. He pointed me to the counter and I thought they would give me a discount. Then when I went to the counter, they told me they would give me a phone number to call. What?? I didn't want to deal with more bad customer service, I just wanted a discount. They refused to give me one, and didn't even try to keep my business. So i told them I would go to the store across the hall and buy from them. And they didn't seem to have any issues with that. I went to the next store, found the exact same replica of the riding toy without any damage and bought that one, and was even given 5% off the toy because I had some discount card. After I bought it I made sure to walk by the other store and show them that they lost a sale. But I'm sure they just didn't even care.

Scenario 2

Junayd and I have been with the cell phone provider Vodafone for a couple of years now, we haven't had any issues with them so have never really had to deal with their customer service until recently. I used to have blackberry service, but passed that phone on to my hubby once I got the Iphone. So Junayd called vodafone in June to cancel the blackberry service on my phone and transfer it to his phone. Easy enough. Well low and behold they did not cancel the plan which is 600 rps a month ($12, on top of our regular plan) and so they have charged us for 2 blackberry plans. So when we got our bill it was almost double the price it normally was. So Junayd called customer service (at the end of July)! They gave him such a hard time about this. They kept passing the buck and telling him it would get resolved in 24 or 48 hours. He escalated it to management, who all they did was make excuses. But not once were we told that we would be credited the amount (2 months at 1200 rupees). It is now September and nothing has been resolved. Junayd keeps getting passed to every Tom, Dick and Harry, and has even been given an email address to make the complaint, after 5 weeks of already making formal complaints! We were told that we would get a response in 48 hours, and that has long passed now, and now Vodafone has barred our services. We can only get incoming calls and messages. We are so ANGRY and we refuse to pay the bill until this is settled. What I don't understand is, Vodafone is more worried about 599 rupees than keeping Junayd and I as customers for the long term. It just doesn't make any sense to me. Why can't the customer ever be right in this country? I was sitting right next to Junayd when he cancelled the Blackberry service, so I know it was done! We ARE right!

So now since we have no use of our phones, and with me being 33 weeks pregnant, I need to be able to call someone if I need to. Luckily we have a land line at home, but what if I am out and something happens. I have no access to my cell phone! So now Vodafone is forcing us to go with another service provider and we will have to change our phone numbers!! It really sucks. They have been so unhelpful. I know many people would say, just pay the bill..but we refuse to pay for something we didn't use. It's about principal at this point.

Scenario 3

Junayd bought me some headphones for Christmas as one of my gifts. When I opened them to try them out, the left side was not working. So we took it back to the store. Junayd was told he would not be able to return the headset, even for an exchange, because he bought it more than 12 hours earlier!!! He actually had bought them like 48 hours earlier. We weren't bringing it back because we didn't like them (although we should be able to do that if we wanted to). The damn headset wasn't working! Junayd argued and shouted with the sales people and manager for over 40 minutes until finally they exchanged the headset. I mean are you kidding me??? It's not just me that is flabbergasted by customer service here, my husband and many other Indians are just as annoyed.

You can never ever get your money back when you buy something here, it is exchange only, and that also depends on the mood of the manager that day. My friend has bought shoes for her daughter that didn't fit and just decided to forget about even trying to return them because, the stress and effort far exceeded the price of the shoes.

I just don't think the concept of customer service is taught here, and there is a reason why foreigners are being brought in to teach Indians how to deal with westerners and customer serivce. But sadly the Indian customer service (call centers) provided to foreigners is much better than the customer service Indians give to their own people. It's truly sad.

31 weeks pregnant...

2011-08-26T22:37:00.001+05:30

I never thought I would post a picture of my baby belly, but why the heck not? Junayd took this last week when I was 31 weeks pregnant. I told him not to get my face in the pic....I think it was probably because I was sweaty and hot, which I always am these days. Being pregnant is like being a human furnace, especially when you live in a country that is hot to warm most days. With the monsoon it has been so humid. Today finally, the humidity broke and it has actually been cool (or what Junayd calls freezing). The temp was probably around 22-23c today with no sun. Glorious for me!! I have less than 8 weeks left in my pregnancy, but with any luck, I'll go into labour early like I did with Yasmine and pop this sucker out in 5 weeks or so. I am so grateful and blessed for being able to carry a life inside me, but I just want my body back, along with it, my energy, patience and the ability to see my feet. Two kids and my family will be complete.

Is that what they call it???

2011-08-16T15:01:00.000+05:30

My Mother-in-law said something really strange, but funny (in my opinion) to me today, and it's just something like this that makes living here so news worthy. Here is a back story before I share with you a text message between my MIL and I.
I am having a baby in October, yes old news. But I am pretty much alone, obviously, I don't have my mom to come here like all my other expat friends (yes I'm extremely envious and emotional about the whole thing). I am happy that my husband has taken 3 weeks off for around that time and my mother-in-law has suggested she'd take "some" time off to help. Great!

Anyway, my mother-in-law is not feeling well, she has a fever and a cold. I messaged her this morning asking how she was feeling and if she took a day off from work at the College (she's a professor there).

This was her reply..word for word. I want to see if you spot what I am thinking of...
"the fever's still there. Feeling rundown. Haven't been able to go (to College). Was saving these leaves for your confinement."

I'll give you a second.......

OK....CONFINEMENT???? What the hell?!

I know what she means, she means after the baby, I am supposed to stay confined to the house for 40 days while my body recovers. I have just never ever heard it called that before, and I know she means well, but it just made me feel like I would be jailed after I have this baby. TOO FUNNY!

Hate to break it to her, but after about a week or so I will most likely be out and about. I won't be running a marathon, but I certainly won't be confined to my house. After Yasmine was born I was taking short walks after a week, plus being cooped up is the last thing I want.
I didn't know the days after having my baby had an actual name...now I know ;)

I just love the difference in culture, it really keeps me on my toes here, and gives me things to write about in my blog. HA!

This is almost embarrassing...

2011-08-14T22:30:00.002+05:30

It's just been so long since I last posted, I think almost 7 months, and I know it's not for a lack of content. As there is always something interesting going on in my life, or just living in India. I think maybe I have just been un-inspired.

I've decided I'm not going to re-cap the last 6 months, because that would be boring and pointless, and I think from this point forward I am going to just move forward.

The biggest news, that most people know, but not all who are strangers who read this, and I know there are a few, is that I am pregnant again and almost 31 weeks pregnant. We're having this baby mid-October and once again the sex will be a surprise! It's almost a bit of a deja-vu moment for me, and a little emotional because I am only 2 weeks off the timeline of my first pregnancy, and 2 years ago on August 20th, my birthday, I found out my mom had terminal cancer, and I had to fly home at 34 weeks pregnant to see my mom before she died.

So, this time around, I am trying to enjoy this pregnancy without the weight of something so tragic happening in my life, and I want this time to focus on me and our baby.

Giving birth in India, in no way scares me, and I have a GREAT dr. whom I am very happy with. She did her MD in the UK and worked in Michigan for a few years and now she is the head of the gynecology department at a good neonatal hospital. The best part is, I have had 3 friends JUST give birth at this same hospital, 2 of them in May and one of them 3 weeks ago. Two of them had the same dr. as me and all had healthy, natural births. Plus there have been a number of friends who have given birth there in the last year or two.

Anyway, so moving forward, I hope to write a few times a week so I can keep people informed back home, and also I think it's a good avenue for stress relief and just sharing my life in India, because yes there will be lots of interesting stories to come out of living here.

But life is good...I'm happy and fulfilled and now just awaiting for the birth of our second baby so that my family will be complete and I can close that chapter in my life (being pregnant). I'm ready to lose the baby weight, move forward raising happy healthy children and focusing on what comes next.

So stay tuned..I promise there won't be a 6 month gap this time.

I'm back

2011-01-24T21:55:00.002+05:30

I know, I know....it's been over two months since I have written and i don't particularly have any good excuses why I haven't been keeping up to date. And it's funny because something happens everyday that is different or interesting and I always say, "I really need to blog about this" and then I never end up doing it.

So for this first blog back I'll just share some updates and then hopefully this will entice me to continue writing a few times a week, since I know a lot of the stuff I am encountering is all noteworthy!

Updates:

Yasmine:

It is unbelievable how much my little girl changes everyday. Being a mother to her is the one of the greatest blessings in my life and I am thankful.

From the time she was 2 months I KNEW and my father KNEW (since we lived with him the first 8 weeks of her life) that Yasmine was going to be an early talker. If you know me you'll know I am quite the chatty Cathy, but she just had this want, or need to talk from a very early age. At 16 months old she is talking A LOT! She picks up a new word or 2 everyday and repeats everything she hears (within reason). She was saying mama and dadda around 7 months old, although used ineffectively, she said the words but didn't really know when to use it. When we went to visit my dad, she said Grandad (at age 10 months) and started saying it within a week of being back to Canada. Even now when she sees my dad on Skype and says Grandad. Now she probably has a vocabulary of about 40 words, and she also has her favourite words of course, "puppy, shoes, water, mama, dadda, no"

It's just amazing to see her progression, and when she saw my sister tonight, she remembered from the pictures we look at DAILY of my family that it was her aunty "shar shar"

In other news, Yasmine and I have joined a mom and toddler playgroup that is everyday for an hour and 15 minutes. We usually go about 3 times a week, and there is a lot of singing and clapping, and learning small concepts like open/close, in/out, yes/no etc... We also have picnics and outside play time. It really stimulates her and gets us out of the house. She gets bored with just me all day, and I honestly need the change of pace and scenery as well. After just 2 weeks I've noticed a huge difference in her vocabulary and creativity skills. This playgroup is also another way for me to meet other mom's with children around yasmine's age. The class is for 1-2 year olds, but the babies in this class range from about 16 months-22 months. Yasmine is one of the younger toddlers, but she does great in the class. She focuses intently on the teacher and loves to sing!

INDIA:

I have and always will have a love hate relationship with India. There are days where I am thankful to have this great opportunity and adventure that I will remember always. And there are other days when small things that should be easy become difficult and it brings me down. Things have been much better since my 3 month "vacation" at home and I know the weather plays a huge role in my being happy here too. The winter has been fabulous and all the expat mom's are taking advantage of the 26-28c days to get out and enjoy the coolness for as long as it lasts. I already feel the temps getting hotter and they are now hovering around 30 and it just makes me dread the March-June heat of 35-45c. It's just unbearable, especially with the power cuts.

Family:

My family in India is good. Hubby is working and has shift changes so he could be working from 630pm-330am or 9pm-6am, or 9-6pm. he works for a company that has dealings with North America so he has to work North American times. They actually work well for us, since he actually gets to see Yasmine more with the night shifts. When he works days, factoring in the traffic he is gone usually from 830am-730pm. So he is getting home just as Yasmine is getting her bath and going to bed. Today he spent a good portion of his time before work with her, which was really nice for all of us!

i actually remember my dad working the "graveyard" shift when my sister and I were teenagers because it allowed him to see us and be part of our extracurricular activities more. Since in high school we had afternoon practices and such, he chose to work the odd hours to be with us more. I never thought about it then, but I know he definitely sacrificed sleep for us a lot in those days. He would get home at 530am and go to sleep by 6am and sometimes wake up by 9 or 10am.

My family in Canada is well. My sister has gone back to work and her son in in daycare now. The poor little guy has gotten sick so much since he started, being around all the kiddie germs. My sis and her husband have had to deal with a sick little guy the past few months. Just when one cold goes away, along comes another.

The biggest news, is my dad has a girlfriend, although it seems weird to call her that, because girlfriend/boyfriend sounds so high school. It's still new, but my dad finally has a smile on his face for the first time since my mom died. Life was so awful for everyone that year after my mom died that I think all of us just didn't know if we could or would ever overcome our grief. And for my dad, losing the love of his life, the woman he spent 40 years with was devastating. So when he told me he met someone, I was so happy for him.

People ask me how I feel about it, and really, what can I feel? I just want my dad to be happy again.

Lastly a very special man in my family's life is very sick and has been given a short time to live. He is my grandmother's "partner" whom she met after my grandfather's death. He has been in our lives for about 5 years and has touched us all deeply. He is like a grandfather to me, and has treated me like a granddaughter. He even paced the floors with my dad while I was in the hospital in labour for Yasmine. He is one of the smartest/wisest person I have met, and he at 85 years of age, had dreamed about visiting Asia, so he booked a plane ticket to India with my dad, and brought me and my 2 month old baby back to India. He met my in-laws, my husband and saw what my life is like here. There have only been a select few people from Canada to meet my husband and in-laws and he is one of them! My in-laws grew to love this kind, gentle man, and they pray for him everyday.

The hardest part, is not being home. But know grandpa Fred, you are in my thoughts, you are in my prayers, and I love you dearly.

More focus

2010-11-08T16:13:00.002+05:30

I think that I want to revamp my blog and make it more focused. I started out writing so I could keep my family informed of my travels, and things have changed so much since those wanderlust days. For one thing, I got married to an India, had a baby and raising it in India, and in that I think I have enough material to be able to write for a lifetime.

I have so much stuff to talk about and to write about and I have decided that I want to do this more seriously, as I know there are a lot of blogs out there with gori girls writing about their desi lifestyle. To translate (basically it's western or fair skinned girls, married to South Asians).

I want to be more open without being offensive, and really talk about life here in India, life married to an Indian, raising a baby in not only a different culture but in a different religion (and even that is up in the air...what religion to raise Yasmine). Of course my husband wants her raised Muslim, and I am willing to do that with many stipulations. But more on that in another post.

The topics i really want to focus on are:

arranged marriages and "love" marriages
Islam and living as a non-Muslim in a Muslim family
Parenting in India (through my eyes)
day to day living; simple things made very difficult in a time challenged disorganized country
communication and cultural differences in a bi-cultural marriage (I feel like I can shed a lot of light here)
Food and trying to incorporate two food cultures in one marriage

The the list can go on and on....

But to do that I feel like I need to revamp my blog and change the title. I may be a wanderlust, but there is no more time or as much money to travel these days. I also am thinking about moving it to Word Press, I have heard it is much easier to use and easier to make it ready friendly.

Any suggestions from my well blogged friends? Any title suggestions?

I will stay tuned for more information as to how I plan to go about this. I may just completely revamp this blog....but I want it more focused, with more of a goal in mind.

I feel like I have a terrific opportunity to educate and keep people informed. I know that many people in Canada (and the US) have these pre-conceived notions about Muslims and India, and I want to shed light on certain things that hopefully will help people gain a better understanding. The media use so many scare tactics and paint very different pictures. But here I am in a position to educate and I want to take this amazing, scary, exciting and difficult experience and turn it into a chance to make a difference.

My mother-in-laws birthday and my first dinner party

2010-11-02T22:13:00.002+05:30

It definitely was not planned, but I had my first family dinner party on Saturday night for my mother-in-laws birthday. Junayd and I were originally planning to buy fresh prawns and stay in with Yasmine and cook something fun. I have never cooked and cleaned fresh prawns before so this sounded like a challenge.

Our plans went out the window on Friday when my FIL reminded me that it was Junayd's mom's birthday the next day and that we should go over there for supper. Wow such a nice guy, inviting all us to his place, so his wife, whose birthday it is, can cook us dinner. LOL.

Junayd and I decided it would be better and easier to come to our place and we (I) will cook dinner. We also decided to invite close family friends of Junayd's who have 3 children ages 10, 8 and 4 (2 boys and a girl).

So Junayd bought 3 pounds of Prawns, and 2 pounds of beef and I set to cooking one Indian dish, and one Thai dish. I was so nervous, here I was cooking for 3 matriarchs (my MIL, our friend and her MIL) who have grown up cooking Indian food and I only just started. It was a pretty big feat.

Cleaning the prawns took the longest... I had never de-veined a prawn before, so it was interesting. Luckily Junayd did help me and after about 40 minutes we managed to clean all of them.

I made a beef dish that is cooked with this green leafy vegetable, and I never ever remember the name of it. It's like spinach, but not. We don't have it in Canada, but it is so tasty. Then I made spicy prawns in coconut milk.

I had told my guests to arrive at 630pm, knowing full well that they wouldn't arrive until about 730-8pm. The time thing here drives me crazy. My MIL and FIL arrived first and she was dressed so beautifully in a saree that I had bought her for Christmas. She just looked so happy to be honoured for her birthday and to be with her family.

The food turned out amazing! With the food I served fresh roti's and basmati rice to go with the prawns, and of course we had a small chocolate cake that was bought for my MIL. I got praised over and over again for the food, and not a drop of the Thai dish was left. Most Indians don't eat a lot of variety (international cuisines) so it was nice to introduce them to a new dish, although the spices were not too far off from Indian ones.

The best compliment of all was when my mother-in-law asked me for the recipe. Success!!

It was a really nice night and it was great to be with my other family. I think before I had really come to terms with living in India, I I never enjoyed being with my in-laws because I missed my own family so much, and felt almost guilty for enjoying being with them. However, it does not have to be one way or the other. I have my family and always will, but now I have an extended family and it's great to be able to have a support group here who loves me and Yasmine. I think I truly am lucky to have not only an Indian family but a Muslim one as well, who has accepted me and my beliefs and my culture so well. Sure there have been a few hiccups, and bumps and bruises on the way to this kind of relationship that we have now, but now it is comfortable and easy, and I am truly grateful for all the love I have in my life.

The moment I knew

2010-10-28T21:23:00.005+05:30

You hear all these stories about women having their babies and feeling that mother's instinct right away, having that bond only a mother and child could ever have. I know what that feels like, but it didn't happen right away, it didn't happen the moment I looked into her eyes. I loved her, definitely, I wanted to protect her, always. But that bond, that undeniable, sacred bond, I didn't feel for about 2 days after she was born.

The labour was pretty textbook as far as births go. My water broke around midnight September the 16th (2 and a half weeks before my original due date) after returning from the movie "The Time Travellers Wife," with my aunt and my cousin (ironically enough, the two people who coached me through the labour and birth). Despite what you might see in the movies, only 10% of women's water break by itself, so in that sense it wasn't textbook. I was admitted in the hospital and it wasn't until the next morning, after I was given Oxcitocin did true labour set in. My plan was not to have any drugs, no epidural, no Demerol, nothing. I know a lot of women go into labour with this plan, and depending on how the labour goes, decide to continue or abandon with this plan. Labour is pretty intense, and if it lasts long, I can totally see why needing an epidural is essential, you need to rest, because it is the most physically intense thing a woman will ever have to do in her life.

The first 2 hours, the labour increased from about a 2 on a scale of 1-10, to about a 7. When I found out that after 2 hours I was 7cm dilated, I knew I could continue without any drugs. The last 3 cm's and about 2 hours were a 10 on a scale of 10 in pain (maybe even a 12), and I was relieved when I could actually start pushing through the contractions.

After about 45 minutes of pushing and an episiotomy later, Yasmine Rose was born.

My first thoughts were that I was just so happy that the pain was over, my second thought was that "I had done it," I felt like superwoman! Then Yasmine was placed on my chest and she was covered in white goo, and her face was so swollen, and she had a head full of black hair. I was so shocked that she was mine, and I loved her instantly. But I did not feel that bond, quite yet. I am not sure if it was because of the physical exhaustion, or the mental exhaustion I had been through the previous 3 weeks of finding out my mother had cancer, flying half way across the world at 34 weeks pregnant, dealing with her being in the hospital and watching her die, and then planning her funeral. I had no time to recover from any of that trauma, before being admitted to the hospital myself, to give birth. I was numb, literally and metaphorically from everything I had been through.

The next day and half passed by like a dream, nurse her every 2 hours, try to sleep, etc... Then Yasmine had her hearing test on the Friday September the 18th.I didn't think anything of it, and I knew it was an important test, but also a formality. She failed the hearing test, but I was told it happens a lot, because of the mucous that still may be in her ears from the birth canal. The ear specialist told me she would come back on Saturday morning.

Saturday morning arrived and I was lying in bed, waiting for the ear specialist to give us the green light to go home. We had to stay until Saturday morning because this test needed to be completed before we left.

The specialist did the ear test, and Yasmine failed again. My heart almost stopped. How could this be happening? Was God trying to play some cruel joke on me. Taking my mother 13 days earlier then blessing me with a child who might be hearing impaired? Perhaps, most people wouldn't have thought this way, but after everything I had been through, that was the first thought that went through my mind.

The ear specialist told me that there was one more test, that was more accurate, but a little more invasive that she could do. She had to strap on electrodes to yasmine's head and behind her ears and it was attached to a program on her laptop. In all honesty I was not paying much attention. Her words sounded like slow motion and all I did was nod and agree for her to do the other test. She said it was more accurate, but she didn't do this test unless she had to.

My aunt Anita was in the room with me, and I could see her looking at me funnily, and afterwards she told me it was because I turned white as a ghost and I looked petrified.

As the specialist strapped the electrodes all over Yasmine's head, I have to admit it felt like an eternity, I could hear the clock loudly ticking on the wall as each second passed, and I reached for my aunt's hand and I held it firmly. What seemed like hours passed, when the hearing specialist slowly turned the laptop to face me and the words PASS were printed boldly on the screen.

In that moment, like a lightbulb had been turned on, those feelings, that motherly instinct just clicked on. I started to shake violently, and tears poured down my face. I remember saying over and over again "I've been through enough, I just wanted Yasmine to be ok!" I remember apologizing profusely to the specialist, because I think I may have freaked her out. My aunt calmly explained to her what I had been through, and how my mother had just died and my husband was in another country. The specialist, started to cry, and she held my hand and she said, "Your daughter is just perfect. Your mom would have been so proud"

I looked at my aunt and I asked her, "Can you please pass me my daughter." For the first time, the word "daughter" registered to me, and along with that word, came a whole new set of feelings. The need to protect her, love her unconditionally, always be there for her. It was the first time I truly felt this.

My aunt handed me Yasmine, and I held her to my chest and I hugged her and kissed her and I cried, and I cried. Now I knew. Not only did I know what that bond felt like, I knew how much my mother loved me, and how much she sacrificed for me.

That day was the beginning of my healing process..........

A part time job with major benefits

2010-10-25T21:18:00.003+05:30

Today I spent about 3 hours in the car (about an hour and half each way) to meet with a company that would like me to be a consultant for them. I would get to work from home for a few hours a week and help them build their business.

Although the drive was long and tedious and the sun was hot (thank God for air conditioning), it was a nice drive, and the company was in or nearby the military zone, which was nice and quiet with a small but pretty lake (unfortunately most lakes in India are polluted). The guy I met with said he went kayaking in the lake once and wouldn't go back because it was "dirty"." Nonetheless, it was a much better view than a whole bunch of traffic and much more serene than incessant honking.

This little part time job, although it doesn't pay a whole lot of money, is perfect for me, for right now. It allows me to make my own hours, stay at home and continue to be with Yasmine during the day, but still make a little pocket change for odds and ends.

Instead of looking at the negatives, I am trying to see all the positives that this opportunity can bring me, such as being with Yasmine, making some good employment connections here in Hyderabad, all while keeping myself busy while Yasmine naps or goes to bed for the night.

I am very thankful to be able to spend this time with Yasmine, as I know how important it is to the both of us. Being at home and raising her has proven to be the most important and rewarding job I have ever had. There are no breaks, and no days off, but I can never get this time back with her. I hope it truly makes a difference in her life, because it definitely is making a difference in mine.

"The secret"

2010-10-24T17:08:00.002+05:30

I know that everyone pretty much already knows the "secret" in the book "the secret," and really it wasn't really that much of a secret, although I think even though we all know what the secret is, we mostly don't tend to follow it.

The secret to life, supposedly is, that positive out, equals positive in. Meaning that the more positive you are about life, the more optimistic you are, the more you believe in yourself and look at the bright side, means that these things will happen to you, or that you'll create a positive outcome.

I mean this does make sense. But if it makes sense why don't more people do this? I am a classic example of this. I have done so much complaining this last year that no wonder there haven't been very many good things that have happened for me. I mean if you're too busy being negative, then how can you create positive change in your life, or bring positive people into it?

Which is why I am going to give myself a challenge. I am going to write something positive and be positive everyday for 2 weeks and see what happens.

Now you have to be realistic about your goals, you can't say I AM GOING to win the lottery everyday and expect to win it. But you can say, in 2 years i will make a lot of money (this is relative to everyone and very subjective) by writing a book. And then everyday doing something positive and continuing to be positive about this goal. This is just a broad example.

Here are some things I can be positive about that are realistic and hopefully change the lives of the people I love and me.

Being positive and finding the positives about living in India
Being positive about my husbands career and helping him to achieve his goals through positive reinforcement
Being positive in my own career aspirations and making them a reality

I think this is a great start...and let's see at the end of 2 weeks if I feel differently or if it has brought about positive changes in my life.

It takes way more energy to be negative and I know a few people that I have actually seen positive behaviour work in their favour.

My best friend A, went through a tough time with her hubby when he got sick with cancer. And she was ALWAYS positive, she always knew he would beat the odds, she didn't let negativity take over her thoughts. I truly believe this is what gave her the strength to be there for her husband. And now he is cancer free! Did her positive behaviour cure his cancer?

No. I'm not an idiot. But through positive thinking she allowed herself to be there for him, and it allowed him the strength to fight. I do believe our mind controls way more than we could ever know. Thanks for being someone to look up to A! Your positive attitude is infectious, which is why people, including me love being around you.

I also have another friend who was the epitome of negative. She was so negative, being around her was difficult and depressing. She constantly complained about her dating life, how men weren't interested in her, she never let you talk to her about your own dating experiences because hse hated that good things might be happening to other people. She complained about her job, etc.... And she wondered why no man wanted to be with her, why no employer wanted to hire her. She was portraying this attitude that was so evident in her body language, and it showed through in her confidence.

Then something changed, she decided to change, she opened her mind up to new things, stopped bitching about how things weren't working for her, and decided, who needs a man, who needs a different job, and she just focused on herself.

Then it all happened for her. New boyfriend (she has been with for a while), new job, house, etc.

So let's see how this can work for our benefit. I challenge all of you to be as positive as you can everyday, follow along with me, and find something to focus on and find the best in for the next 2 weeks with me and let's see if we can re-wire our minds!

An apology...

2010-10-20T16:56:00.003+05:30

My mother always said, if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it all. So that is what I have done. The past year has been such a roller coaster for me, grieving the loss of my mom, being a new mom, and living in India while dealing with all these emotions. Now I feel like I can finally share my feelings, thoughts and life with everyone.

I think I honestly felt like I hated India, that perhaps I didn't want to be married if I had to do it in India (not that I didn't love my husband), that life just basically stunk because of India. But now I KNOW that was grief and depression. I always thought I was so strong, and I am, but I know now that I am also human, and that your mind can only take so much. I thought this past year that I have dealt with my mom's death really well, and that it didn't affect me as much as it should have. But I was wrong, I was so so wrong. It affected me more than I ever imagined, but also the added pressure of having a new baby and the happiness and joy that came with it as well, masked the feelings I was carrying around with me.

I heard a saying once, that applies to me in this situation, and that, you never know you are depressed until you are happy.

I'm happy. I'm finally happy after a year of anger fits, and crying battles, and hate towards India and everything associated with India, including my husband and his family. Not that India is an easy place to live. But being with the ones you love should be all that matters, location shouldn't make you THAT unhappy.

I harbored severe resentment against my in-laws, mostly because I felt it was unfair for them to be able to have a relationship with Yasmine and my mom would never have that, and my dad was in another country and couldn't have that either. And I know now that it was not right, and Yasmine deserves all the love she can get, and that means her other grandparents as well.

Let's just put it this way, I blamed, and I complained, and I made life miserable for everyone around me, because I wanted them to feel the same pain I felt. And the pain I felt was almost unbearable. And I know this now, it's so funny what you can see in the past when the present is finally so clear.

So this blog post is an apology, not only to the people I hurt, like my husband, my in-laws, my daughter, my dad, my sister but also to myself. I deserved the right to be sad and hurt and angry, and I never let myself feel those things, because I felt like I had to be strong for everyone else around me.

Realizing this has not only made life happy for me again, but it has allowed me to be a better mother, wife, daughter, daughter-in-law and sister.

I finally see life with possibilities, rather than a door that has been shut. I will always miss my mom, and the hurt will never go away, I just know how to better deal with it. And I know my mom would want this for me. She would want me to be happy, and to be good to myself, so that I can in turn be good to all the loved ones in my life.

A vacation or was it?

2010-05-18T16:40:00.005+05:30

So I decided on a whim to go away for a few days just to escape the heat, although there really is no escaping it as most of India is extremely hot. There are hill stations that one can go to, that are quite cool, but traveling there is long and tedious. Since I only had a few days I wanted the travel to be fairly quick and painless.

A few of my girlfriends also were looking to get away so we decided to go to Goa, India's answer to the Caribbean (kind of). It's a cute state, that is really lush, lots of palm trees and gorgeous resorts and oceans.

The weather in Hyderabad had hit an all time high of 46 degrees, and we were getting 3-4 hours of power cuts a day. It was enough to make me crazy. I decided to take Yasmine along as well, as it would be nice for her too.

It was only a few short days but it was really a nice time, although hot and humid. We spent most of our time by the pool, and usually around 11am it was just too hot to sit outside anymore, so I would take Yasmine up to the room for her one of two or three naps a day. She was a real trooper! This is the off season, so flights were much cheaper and only an hour and half long and we got a good price on the resort. It was a nice Spanish styled place with a large pool and nice rooms with jacuzzi tubs (bathrooms in India generally don't have bathtubs, so a nice plus).

What I did realize is that India in general is just not kid friendly or wheelchair friendly or a chivalrous culture, and it's funny because India boasts itself as being very family oriented. What I mean is that, there were hardly any ramps for the stroller, and I had to carry the darn thing up and down so many flights of stairs. Even at the airport, even though they took the stroller on the airplane, when I was getting on the transit bus to take us to the airplane, the steps didn't go down to accommodate the stroller (or a wheelchair), and people just starred at me as I lifted the stroller myself (or with the help of my girlfriends) to get on the three big steps of the bus. No one rushed to help us, or let me sit if I was carrying Yasmine either. Secondly, 90% of restaurants don't have high chairs for babies, so I had to take the stroller everywhere so she would have somewhere to sit at a restaurant. She is too big and busy now to sit on me, and she would have her hand and face in my food if she did.

So yes, even though it was a vacation, and I had a nice time, Yasmine and I were both pretty darn exhausted when we got back.

Sometimes India just kicks me in the ass!

We only spent an hour at the beach (too darn hot)

The ONLY high chair we came across, and not the best one at that....but at least there was one)!

Happy Mother's day

2010-05-09T00:34:00.007+05:30

It's taken me 8 months to be able to write about my mother, but I think this is the perfect time to honour her memory and share my feelings about my mom, her death and the birth of my daughter and being a mom. Please know, this is one of the most difficult things for me to do, but I want to share my feelings with you.

Tomorrow will be both bitter and sweet for me because as I celebrate my first mother's day, it is also my first mother's day without my own mother.

It will be hard for me not to have a mother to call and wish happy mother's day, it will be hard not having my own mother call me up and happily wish me and my sister a happy mother's day. I know she was looking forward to seeing what her daughters were like as mothers and she deserved that more than anyone else I know.

Mother's day was a big celebration in our home, and I remember those days like it was yesterday. My fondest memories are of when were young, we would make sure our mom stayed in bed, and we would go into her bedroom and take her breakfast order. She usually liked scrambled egg, bacon well cooked, with toast, juice and coffee. My sister and I would diligently take her order and run into the kitchen where my dad would be waiting to assist us in cooking my mom breakfast in bed. He let us do most of the cooking, and usually when we were done, we had what looked like scrambled eggs, burnt bacon, and undercooked toast. On her tray we included the breakfast, her coffee and juice, and in those days, her pack of cigarettes, and ALWAYS a vase of fresh flowers that my dad kept hidden in the basement.

We would then jump into bed with her and help her eat her breakfast, and no matter how badly we cooked the food, she never complained and ate the food happily as my sister and I both beamed at how happy we had just made her. We then proceeded to give her gifts we made from school for her, and of course one or two gifts our father helped us purchase for her.

This happened every year for as long as I can remember. Later in life as we grew up and left home, my mom usually enjoyed a nice game of golf with my dad or with her sisters and friends. Even though I didn't always spend every mother's day with her, I always knew she was there, and a phone call away.

I miss her more than anything, and I wish she was here to see her grandchildren. She would be so tickled pink by how Yasmine is the daintiest little girl and so chilled out. She would be so proud of her grandson Quinn who is so strong and so happy that he always has a smile on his face. But most of all she would be so proud of my sister and I.

My sister and I will be great mother's because she left a legacy for us to follow. She was one of a kind and she made everyone feel special. i just hope that I can follow in her footsteps and mean to my daughter what she has meant to me.

Happy Mother's Day MOM! Even though you are not with us anymore, you impact my life every day and you will continue to live on through your grandchildren!!

I want to wish my sister a Happy Mother's Day, and I want to tell her that she means the world to me, and how special it was to have our babies so close together and to be able to lean on each other through the hard times.

I want to thank my dad, who made sure that even as very young children we knew how important it was to honour our mother and respect her.

Happy mother's day to all the mother's I know and love. Now I know just how special it is to be a mom and how important a job it is.

I would give my life for my daughter, and I know my mother would have done the same for my sister and I.

Quinn Michael (taken at 6 months)

My mom and I right before I flew back to India. I was 18 weeks pregnant.

Yasmine Rose (taken at 7 months)

If you were a bug on a wall, you might hear this....

2010-03-18T18:52:00.002+05:30

Conversation 1:

Me to my mother-in-law: "Sister-in-law and I are just going out to buy Yasmine a play-pen. Can I leave Yasmine with you?"

MIL: Oh, Yes. I'd love that!

Father-in-Law: "Aren't you taking Yasmine?"

Me: "Ah, no, it will just be easier if we can run in and out"

FIL: "Well won't Yasmine be angry"

Me: VERY uncomfortable silence

MIL: "No, go leave her with me, please!"

Me: "I don't think Yasmine knows angry yet, plus she needs to know that mom goes away and mom comes back"

FIL: "Well I think she will cry and be very angry with you"

ME to MIL: "OK bye then, see you in about an hour"

NB: Yasmine was fine and didn't even know I was gone!!!

Conversation #2

Me to MIL: "We moved Yasmine into her own room. She sleeps better and so do we"

MIL: SHOCKED. "No you must not put her in her own room. She'll be lonely!"

Me: She's 5 months, she's ready"

MIL: SHOCKED "No, Shelley, No."

ME: "So what are we having for dinner?"

NB: Yasmine never even noticed she was in her own room and sleeps 100 times better now and so do we!

Conversation # 3

Me: "My sister and her hubby are going to Hawaii for 10 days in May"

MIL: "With their son?"

ME: "No, Quinn is staying with Grandad (my dad). Lucky boy!!"

MIL: SHOCKED "I could never leave my children"

Me: "It's good for my sis and hubby and good for Quinn, and great for my dad"

MIL: "10 days is too long Shelley"

ME: "So what's for dinner?"

NB: You rock sis!! You and hubby go and have fun! Quinn will have a blast with Grandad, and dad will LOVE IT! So will Quinn! He'll miss you but he'll be a better baby for it. I guarantee it! children here could use to be away from their parents more often. Believe me!!

I have 2 points here, first, is that kids are not taught to be independent here. They are taught to rely on their parents and never to be away from them. This is not my theory, I just read it in a cross cultural communication article my MIL gave me. She read it to understand my wacky western ways. I'm not even kidding. When we moved out, she was VERY upset. Irrational almost. But then she read this article written by an Indian, about how North Americans and Indians differ, and it even had a special section on children. How we westerners teach our children independence (their own room, how to make their own decisions, get the hell out at 18), you know.... and how they coddle and don't teach their children independence. The article has definitely helped her to understand some of the differences, or at least it has helped her to cope with the differences. I don't really think she'll ever truly get it. And that is OK. At least she is trying.

My second point, is that I am learning to shut the hell up! I don't argue, I don't try to make them understand. The culture is just too different. I say my peace, and if they don't like it, or oppose or give advice, I listen, and then I just do what I want, with my husband's support of course!! At first he didn't want Yasmine to have her own room, but after a little convincing and letting me try it out, he realized it made the MOST sense, for her and for us!

So, if you were a bug on a wall, you'd get to hear these interesting conversations. They certainly make life interesting....

"Raising" a baby in India

2010-03-09T22:41:00.002+05:30

Raising Yasmine in India could be a challenge, it could be difficult, it could be a lot of things, if I were an overly cautious parent, or want to put my daughter in a bubble.

Let's get one thing straight, India is one of the dirtiest countries in the world; it's dusty, it's polluted, cows roam around freely, yet they have a billion people and women have babies everyday and raise them successfully, so it can be done, even by "western" standards.

Now I do take many precautions, I use vinegar water and fresh lime juice that I made to clean Yasmine's room and the surfaces on which she might come in contact with. I use a mosquito net whenever I can, and I use bottled mineral water and boil it before I give it to her in her sippy cup or put it in her food. I wash her cloth toys a few times a week to ward off the dust and she is never around cigarette smoke. But I don't: boil her bath water, I use it from the tap and I know she gets some in her mouth, and when she bathes with me, she sucks the water off my shoulder. I don't tie her car seat in the belth buckles in the car (there are none)! She sits in a carrier and she is buckled in, but the cars aren't made to hold car seats. Our car is an older version and it's not even possible. My in-laws have never used carriers, even some of my western friends here don't use carriers, they just sit their baby on their laps (like we all did in Canada in the 70's and maybe even the 80's). You go at much slower speeds here, since there is so much traffic (40km/hr is the average I would say).

I don't stop too many people from holding her and I mean extended family (honestly here they just take her out of my arms before I have a chance to react). Total strangers want to hold her, people think it is OK to do that. But I've learned to chill out a bit. I would never let a total stranger hold my daughter, but when the maid comes over, she plays with Yasmine and today the maid brought her daughter and she hugged Yasmine about 5 times. Yasmine thought it was the funniest thing in the world too to have this little girl try to lift her up. I've even taken Yasmine in a auto rickshaw.

My point is, exposing Yasmine to some bacteria, and some of the water here is good for her. It will strengthen her immune system and allow her to fight off colds easier. Actually she caught a cold from her father, and she was barely sick for a day and fought it off quicker than she was actually sick. I also take some responsibility in her quickness to fight the cold. I was very healthy during my pregnancy, I never smoked, rarely drank caffeine, never drank alcohol and am nursing her so she gets all the antibodies to fight these little viruses that go around. Sometimes you need to give up a few things for a little while for the goodness of your child. Being a parent means being unselfish.

I have many western friends here all raising their children here for a little while and we all try to give our children a lot of the things that they would at home in our countries, but it is not always possible. But we do our best.

My in-laws think I am crazy I think. I come visit them with a portable playpen so Yasmine has a place to play and nap that is (clean to my standards) and so that she is not always in someone's arms. I am also feeding her carrots and green beans, and I think my MIL was probably feeding my husband curry and dal (lentil soup) at this point when he was a baby, or at least not taking such pains in preparing the food as I do. We just do things differently, one is not more right than the other, it's just different.

I am not saying I am perfect or better for raising my daughter this way, it's just different to how other's might raise their children. All that matters, to me, is that I see a healthy, happy, smiling baby every morning and every night when I put her to bed. And I'll continue to do the things I am doing and what I think is right, for her.

I think this small part of our lives in India will enrich us and will definitely put me more at ease when I am back in Canada. Everything will seem so mild in comparison, and I'll be that very easy going parent in the corner not freaking out when her daughter puts something in her mouth, while a lot of the other parents will be running around with their hand sanitizer disinfecting everything in sight. My daughter will probably be the one with less colds and a stronger immune system too. Believe me, you're kid can't fight colds if you never let it build up an immunity to the bacteria that is out there.

Raising a baby in India is not always the easiest thing in the world, but it is manageable, you just have to sometimes go with the flow and chill out!

The politics of moving

2010-02-15T10:34:00.002+05:30

You'd think moving to a new house would be easy, you look at listings, find a place that is available for rent, check out the place and make a decision. It's just not so easy, at least not in India, when you're married to an Indian and when you already live in the apartment above their house.

Last week we had to go downstairs (my in-laws live in the apartment below us-it's a 2 story apartment complex) in an arranged meeting kind of way and break the news to them. It was not easy, because I knew my husband hated hurting his parents, and he knew this kind of news would do that. We're only planning to move 2 to 3 km's away from them, and when we told them so, they insisted it was too far. They want us to live in the same colony (means the same as neighborhood) in walking distance. In my opinion I think that is unrealistic. Especially since the area we currently live in is very busy, very loud and very dusty. It's not fun to finally get Yasmine settled down for her nap, only to have her woken up by loud blaring horns, a huge transport like truck or just the man on the street selling onions, or whatever fare there is that day, screaming at the top of his lungs.

The problem is, here in India, the son, especially once he is married usually moves in with the parents. But we are not a regular couple, we are half of a western couple. And where I come from, my parents were practically packing my bags at 19 to get me off to University. As hard as I know it was on my mom and dad, they knew in the end it would make me stronger, more mature and into a responsible human being. I see grown men here, still being treated like children by their mother's, and I just think it only hinders them. Daughters are taught to cook, clean, sew, take care of the house so that they are prepared to leave the nest, such as the saying goes that having daughter's in India is like watering someone else's plant. They are even educated women, and many choose not to work once married. I have met some many women quit their jobs because they were getting married. Which is terrible, and now that I have a daughter I am much more vigilant of this kind of attitude and behaviour. I will not have my daughter grow up to serve her father and brother (should she have one), and I will not prepare her for a life of taking care of her husband either.

My father-in law, is ready to "get his daughter" married, and she is all of 20 years old. They have no problem with her leaving the nest, but they have a huge issue with their son moving a few km's down the street.

Now that we have made the decision to move, my husband's mother is hurt and makes comments like, "you're all going and leaving me," "you don't care about me," and so on and so forth. It's really hard to hear her say these things, because I do care deeply about my mother-in-law and I hate that she think this is about leaving her. Secondly, I know this is hurting my husband, but he has agreed to this because he knows it is what is best for "our" family. Trying to get my MIL to understand that this is not about her and it is not personal is really difficult.

We are moving because we would like a nicer place, that is safer, cleaner and a little less busy for our daughter, and she has to come first from now on in our lives. We found a place that is a gated community which means there are security guards and a gate around the apartment complex. It is brand new, and they are even building an outdoor swimming pool and a park. It has also has a third bedroom, which is important since I will start working from home shortly (more on that in another post).

It's been difficult getting past all of these little idiosyncrasies, but we know in the end it will be the best decision for our family. And I know my MIL and FIL will come to see that it is the best decision, especially for their son, who will be able to take responsibility for his family and not rely on his parents anymore. We'll have to make a concerted effort to visit often and to show them we aren't gone away, but the effort has to be two-fold, and they need to make an effort as well to come and see us. It is more difficult for me to pack up all of Yasmine's things and to constantly move back and forth with her, especially now since I have her on a pretty good schedule.

This has just been another learning experience for me and I am a better person for having gone through it. I just take for granted sometimes, the things that seem so easy in Canada and so straightforward. In India nothing is that straight-forward and there is always someone else to think about.

Video: Speed boat ride

2010-01-27T12:17:00.003+05:30

Yasmine and I went to the zoo with a few girlfriends and we went on a speed boat ride. Here is the video of Yasmine's first boat ride! We had a blast!

Yasmine eating rice cereal for the first time!

2010-01-15T19:12:00.002+05:30

I went to visit the pediatrician today and we got the green light to introduce solids. Yasmine eats frequently and so he thinks it is time for a little more food.

So we started her off with a tsp of rice cereal and 2 tsps of breast milk. We weren't sure how she'd like it, but boy did she ever love it!!! She cried when she ate all the cereal and she was using her own hand to help feed her.

We took 2 videos, one of Junayd and I feeding her and the other of aunty Ayesha feeding her.

Enjoy!

A question of belief

2010-01-13T23:29:00.003+05:30

The question I have is: Should I compromise my beliefs in order to make someone else comfortable, or am I just being stubborn?

I posted this question on my facebook status because I am asked to do things in India that I don't always agree with. I know that a lot of the time it would just keep the peace and doing it would probably make everyone else happy (except me).

Here is the most recent example and the reason why this question even came up in the first place.

Disclaimer: This is just my opinion, and since it is my blog I will write about my own feelings and beliefs without feeling guilty about it.

I dress like a westerner, jeans, t-shirts, sweaters (you know the attire) and most Indians dress in India wear, salwar kameez (click to see image), now when you look at the picture there is a scarf around the girls arms this is called a dupatta, typically this is worn in front to cover the shape of the breasts. Muslims especially wear this and cover themselves. My mother-in-law and SIL both wear this attire and dupatta, at all times. My MIL has specifically asked my husband to have me wear more Indian clothes and to wear a dupatta even if i am wearing western clothes she would prefer me to wear a dupatta over my breasts to cover my shape. My husband has told her no, and that no one was asking her to wear jeans and t-shirt so it was unfair to ask me to wear Indian clothes.

Ok, problem solved right....wrong. Every time there are visitors my MIL asks me to wear a dupatta over myself, so to essentially take a pashmina and wrap it in front over my breasts. Firstly, it is really hot and putting on more clothes makes me so uncomfortable, but I'm not that petty, it's the reason behind the covering myself up that bothers me. Which brings me to my question of beliefs.

Muslims believe (and it states in the Quran) that all men are lustful and can't control their urges, and that the only man who should be able to look at a woman is her husband, father, and son. Which is why a lot of women chose to wear the burqua when outside their home. Now not ALL Muslim women choose to do this, my MIL and SIL don't, but my FIL's (father-in-law) side of the family almost all wear this.

My grievance is that basically if a man looks at a women like me in western clothes and gets lustful thoughts, then it is my fault because it is my responsibility to cover up. He can't help it, he was born to be lustful and it was my fault since I was showing "my curves." I have even heard the argument that there is way more rape in western cultures than in Islamic countries or in India because women cover themselves. Now this is a whole other blog entry, but I have three things to say about that, first, it is never a woman's fault, she can be walking around naked for all I care (although I do not advise this), a man still does not have the right to rape her. Secondly, rape probably happens much more than people think in those countries, but the incidences are never reported. Women could get stoned to death or lose their honour if this would happen. Thirdly, rape is rarely ever about the sex itself rather than the power that comes with raping, so the woman could be wearing snowsuit and still get raped.

So this brings me to tonight. My husband called me on his way to work and I could tell by the sound of his voice he was about to tell me or ask me something I would not like to hear. My in-laws were having visitors over, my MIL's aunt and her son. Now my MIL is pretty modern and her side of the family usually is as well. Getting back to my husband, well he knows me so well and he knows about my convictions. He said, "mom pulled me aside and told me to ask you to cover yourself up tonight when you come down to greet the guests" Without hesitation I replied "no!"

"But Shelley, my aunt is really religious and I know you don't like to wear one."

"Well then your aunt can wear a dupatta, if she is religious then she should wear one. Why should I have to go against my beliefs to make her comfortable? I dress pretty conservatively, and the top i am wearing buttons up to my neck for crying out loud and it's so loose you'd think my body was lost in here"

He was pretty pissed off with me, and I guess I can understand why, he doesn't really see the big deal since he was raised to see all his family dress like that, but I know he understands how I feel, we have spoken about it many many times. I think he feels caught in the middle sometimes. But his aunt's son lives in the United States and she has visited the US several times. I am not the first westerner she has seen!

But the words my mother told me rang in my ears, she said to me after I married him to "never lose who I am or to change anything for anyone because it makes them uncomfortable." She also told me I was an amazing girl and that she knew I would do the right thing, but to never compromise who I am.

I know this might seem petty to a lot of people, and I know a lot of you are probably thinking, just put the damn scarf on and keep the peace. Let me tell you, I have done it so many times for his family even though I didn't want to. And I still do it, I wear Saree's to functions to keep everyone happy and I even wear dupatta's when I am going to other people's homes who are more conservative. But since I became a mother, I want to teach my daughter to stand up for herself, and also that she should not ever have to dress in a tent. There is a difference between flaunting your tatas and ass to the entire world and wearing nice form fitting classy clothes. I want her to know that if a man looks at her, it is not HER fault, it is his fault, and honestly, whoever said that having a guy admiring you for being pretty or having a nice shape is a BAD thing? In Islam it is a bad thing, because the only person who should be admiring you or looking at you is your husband. I mean how archaic does that sound? Women in the west don't get married at 20 and 21 like a lot of the women here, so that would mean a loooong time of no one being able to look at you!

People and sometimes these are strangers, are always asking and telling my husband to "make me wear a dupatta" and i think a lot of the men think he can't control his wife. I will not be controlled. One time while waiting to see the doctor for Yasmine, a Muslim women told my husband in Urdu that he should really get me to wear Indian clothes and speak the language. My husband told me this while laughing, but I know it annoys him too. He has told me several times he loves the way I dress and he wouldn't ask me to change a thing!

I just don't agree with covering yourself up to appease someone is the right thing to do. People stare at me on a daily basis here, a lot of it is curiosity, some of it might be lust, but I think if you repress a society as soon as they see something different (a white girl in shorts or a knee length skirt) they are going to stare. But if more people dressed less conservatively eventually with time it will become accepted and less people will stare. Again I reiterate when I say dress less conservatively I mean showing your arms and legs not walking around half naked.

So I guess my question is, am I being too stubborn??? Should I just do it to make everyone else happy?

NB: People have said on my facebook wall to find a compromise.....and I have. I dress in very loose shirts and always wear a tank top under my tops in order to cover any of my cleavage even though it's 45 degrees here in the summer, when I normally would never do this. I have definitely changed the way i dress in India because it is a different culture. I feel like I have compromised and I am trying to take the culture into consideration. I just hate that I am always being asked to change or do something different because others have an issue with it!

Video: Yasmine rolling over

2010-01-07T17:38:00.003+05:30

Here is Yasmine rolling over from her stomach to her back! I am surprised I was able to catch it on video, it took some time, but it finally happened!

Family events and feeling single

2009-12-30T14:50:00.003+05:30

There are so many family events that I have to attend, they are usually for people I barely know, or a distant relative, or a a cousin's friend wedding. The protocol for such events are weird, and I am expected to attend with the entire family. A few weeks ago it was a wedding, last night it was a bismilah (more on that later), and tonight it is an aqueeqa for a 2 year old girl.

Last night's function was for a 4pr 5 year old boy, and the party was held because he would start learning to read the Quran. The Quran is in Arabic and therefore the boy would most likely need lessons in Arabic from a tutor or perhaps from his own parents. This religious event could possibly mirror a Christians first communion when they begin to accept the Eucharist.

The events are all very very similar, they are usually held in a function hall, you dress up in traditional Indian attire (sarees and salwar kameez) for women and (kurta pyjama) for men. The difference with Muslim events is that they are usually segregated. Which means I arrive at the event with my husband, daughter and in-laws, and I go into a separate room with my mother and sister-in-law and daughter and my husband and father-in-law go into a separate room. Every event usually involves a stage of some kind, whether is be the bride sitting up there or the 5 year old boy, etc... And then afterwards, you go into a room where the dinner is served. These functions all happen after 8pm and you don't usually eat until 10pm, and most happen on weekdays.

Now I really dislike these functions because they feel cold and impersonal. I remember as a little girl, my parents getting dressed up and going out together, and in my mind that vision did not include them going into separate rooms. It entailed a fun night out for them where they could bond and spend time together. So that is why I hate these functions. Yasmine and I are usually the dog and pony show, where we are starred at all night. It's uncomfortable and having my husband with me would make it easier.

But, that is the life we live over here, and there is not much I can do about it. The functions don't happen all the time, and they seem to happen all at once. One more function to go tonight........

Yasmine talking

2009-12-28T21:03:00.002+05:30

This is Yasmine talking to her toys!

Yasmine's Aqeeqa

2009-12-15T12:04:00.007+05:30

On Sunday we had Yasmine's aqeeqa, which is actually the name that is given to the goat that is sacrificed in the baby's honour. In Christianity you have baptism, and in Islam there is this. Yasmine was also supposed to get her head shaved as well, but it was my choice not to have this done. It provided a little bit of controversy in the extended family (not my in-laws), they were quite supportive actually. The idea behind shaving the head is that it removes harm from the baby, the hair should be weighed and whatever the weight an equal amount of money or gold should be distributed to the poor. The hair should then be buried to prevent evil. I had quite a few heated discussions with my husband about this, but in the end he chose to support me.

I never had my head shaved, and I am pretty sure I am doing ok (no evil spirits or ill-health). I guess it is all a matter of belief.

We invited about 70 people, and most of these were family from my father-on-laws side. We booked a caterer and enjoyed a meal of chicken curry and mutton byriani. The mutton was the goat that was sacrificed in Yasmine's honour! We also had kubani for dessert which is stewed sweet apricot with ice cream. It's one of my favourites!

Yasmine got money and a few outfits for her aqeeqa and was the guest of honor! the best part was that I was able to dress her in a beautiful pink dress that my aunt Diane and uncle Fred bought her that resembles a ballerina's tutu. It's gorgeous and she looked beautiful!

She was passed around a lot to many different people, and she was trouper, but got tired quickly and was getting a little annoyed with being passed around so much.

It was a beautiful celebration of her birth!

Adjusting to life as a mom in Hyderabad

2009-12-12T17:33:00.002+05:30

Life sure is different here as a mom, not different bad or good, just different. I spent 2 months at home after I had Yasmine, and luckily my dad is very hands on and was the perfect helper. It also didn't hurt that I didn't so much as have to lift a finger. He cooked the meals, cleaned the house, and all I had to do was tend to my daughter. Now mind you the tending was not easy. She was jaundice the first few weeks and needed constant feedings to get rid of it. Now jaundice makes you sleepy so it was a chore to get her to wake up for those feedings.

Now that I am back with my husband life sure has gotten busier for me. He works a lot of hours and is studying a .net course as well, so it leaves me a lot of time at home to get things done. Mopping, sweeping, cooking, taking care of Yasmine, etc.... I am definitely busy, but it's a good busy. I am so thankful to get to be at home raising her. Here women only get three months off of work, so that would mean I would be going back to work next week. Yikes!! I couldn't even imagine it. I know women do it all the time, but coming from Canada where we get a year off, it seems like 3 months is unfair!

A few great things have happened: One is that I am now driving the car. I was driving a scooter before I got married and pregnant, and I adjusted to that, but for some reason a car seemed so much more daunting. However, it is not as bad as it looks. We drive on the left side of the road here, so i had to adjust to gearing with my left hand on the stick shift. It has given me so much independence and I cam come and go as i please with Yasmine. Also I have met a great group of girls, mothers actually who are foreign to Indian (Americans, a Belgian, a Swiss, two Japanese) who have had babies here. A few of them are married to Indians while the rest are here with their husbands who are working. Meeting these women have given me some inside scoop on where to find import baby products, or cool clothes, or just to hang out have tea and talk about being a mom in India. The best part is all the babies are almost the same age. I think the eldest baby is 4 months. It's nice to know Yasmine will have some play companions in the next 6 months when she start to be more interactive.

Yasmine is trying to talk a lot and is a VERY happy little girl. She smiles right when she opens her eyes and hears my voice and laughs out loud in her sleep. I'd like to think she is seeing my mom. I also think she is looking more and more like me everyday, and it makes my heart swell!! I'm so in love with my little girl!!!

Tomorrow is her Aqeeqa which is a Muslim celebration of birth, so stay tuned for pictures and more about this celebration!!

Bakrid: Goat sacrificing

2009-12-01T13:19:00.003+05:30

I woke up on Saturday November 28th to the sound of goats (what sound do goats make) baaing I guess. I could hear it throughout the colony we live in. It was Bakrid the Islamic celebration of sacrificing goats!

The history behind it stems from the Old testament (for Christians) and in the Quran for Muslims. Prophet Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son Ishmael at God's command. However, God told Abraham to sacrifice a goat (lamb, camel or cow) instead. A goat is usually purchased for each member of the family (depending on your financial situation), and must be healthy and conscious, and must be male (so as to not sacrifice a pregnant animal and to allow reproduction). Then a butcher is called to the house to cut the meat and it is split into three equal parts, one for the poor, one for relatives and one for the family.

Goody bags resembling western birthday goody (and made specifically for this occasions) bags are then filled with meat and distributed. Less fortunate people come and knock on your door all day to collect their raw meat.

Also a feast of meat is prepared for breakfast of the organs (liver, heart, kidneys), and then a huge lunch that also includes the brain and intestines (in our family at least). No part of the animal goes to waste. I did not eat any of the organs or other bits and pieces. My stomach just can't handle that first thing in the morning (or ever really). Apparently I have heard from many people that the brain is quite delicious. Ah, no thanks.

I also made a dish of mutton (goat meat) for the lunch. I marinated the mutton in ginger garlic paste, balsamic vinegar, soya sauce, worchester sauce, lime and salt and pepper then cooked it in the steamer with tomatoes. I was told by numerous members of the family (uncles and aunts) and Muscles friends that it was their favourite dish!!

I told my mother-in-law that it seemed like this was a celebration for the men and work for the women, as she was working in the kitchen from 8am until late into the night and again the next day. She laughed and wholeheartedly agreed with me!

It was an interesting celebration and a learning experience, and quite a literal interpretation from the Quran.

Eid Mubarak to all!!! (happy celebrations)!

Things that make you go hmmmm....

2009-11-25T21:18:00.002+05:30

One of the girls told me something at the Hyderabad mommy and babies group on Monday that was really interesting, she said that the reason babies tend to look like their fathers right after birth is because it is a way to reassure the father that the baby is his, since you know it is definitely the woman's if she has just given birth to it.

It's funny because Yasmine looked so much like her daddy when she was born I repeatedly said, she looks nothing like me, but I know she is mine!! Now she is starting to look more like me, but I guess that's ok now because Muscles knows Yasmine is his. HAHAHA. I guess being married to the person is not enough reassurance that the baby is the fathers.

Too funny, but definitely food for thought!

The reunion and my dad’s visit to India

2009-11-24T22:01:00.000+05:30

Junayd, Yasmine and I just dropped my dad and Fred off at the airport to catch their flight back to Toronto. It has been an emotionally charged week, with a reunion, my dad meeting my husband, and my in-laws, adjusting to life that is India and then saying goodbye.

Having Junayd meet his daughter for the first time was an amazing experience, he instantly feel in love with her and has not been able to keep his eyes off of her. Although he loved her because she was his daughter, meeting her, touching her, smelling her and hearing her amazing sounds never did justice an ocean apart. The pictures just do not do justice to how lovely and sweet this little one is.

We had a nice week, did some shopping for Yasmine (bought a bottle sterilizer, a comfy little chair for her to sit in and some clothes. My dad and Fred could not get over the traffic in Hyderabad! I think if you were to ask them what shocked them the most, it would be that. But they handled themselves with grace and kept an open mind about their experience. I have to say I am impressed and really proud of them.

Of course Yasmine was the star with my in-laws falling head over heels in love with her! They couldn’t stop taking pictures, kissing and hugging her. My dad also really liked my in-laws and I think it has put his mind at ease knowing he was leaving me in good hands. Most importantly, my dad and my husband Muscles got along well.

It was hard to do a lot of sightseeing because Muscles is taking a programming course during the mornings and working until 130am, so I was the guide and we didn’t go too far as we also had Yasmine. I took them on their first auto rickshaw ride, with Yasmine in her carrier on my dad’s lap. Now you have to understand we go at pretty low speeds. But they enjoyed the ride, I tell you! Fred said a number of times how he almost crapped his pants!! For an 85 year old he was certainly a trouper!!

Once the weekend came, I took them to the Taj Krishna, a 5 star hotel and one of the nicest in Hyderabad for lunch and meet some of my girlfriends. Fred and my dad enjoyed the continental food too –no Indian food for them!! Not that they are fussy eaters, but spice just does not agree with both of them. Fred especially enjoyed my mother-in-laws tea, which is cardamom based! My dad even enjoyed a cup or two!!

On Sunday my father-in-law took Fred and my dad out to do some sight seeing, as he felt they could not leave Hyderabad only seeing the posh malls I took them too (HAHA). He took them to old city which has the most traffic, the most people and probably the most pollution! They went a museum, a park, and then later in the evening Muscles, my sister-in-law and I took them to see the seven tombs! I never brought my camera so once my dad figures out how to extract them off his memory card I’ll post some.

My mother-in-law also went all out to cook them a feast of non-spicy Indian food, so that they could at least get an idea of the kind of food we eat here. She made chicken biryani, beef cutlets, a beef stir-fry, and fried potatoes. And for dessert they had gone to a nice sweet shop and served gulab jammun which is like donut holes (timbits) in a sugary glazed sauce. The meal was a success!! Of course my mother-in-law cooked all afternoon to please her guests, and please them she did!!

On their last day in Hyderabad we just spent the day chilling out, and my dad spent time with Yasmine, as he wouldn’t see her in a long time. It was really hard to say good bye, as my father has been a huge help in my life since I had Yasmine. I lost my mother and became a mother in the span of 11 days, and not having my husband there with me was so difficult. But my dad was there for me and Yasmine through it all. The labour (though not the pushing part), sleepless nights, her first laugh, her first bath, and the long 17 hour journey back to India! Yasmine has been important in my dad’s life and has helped him to heal, and although I know my life is with my husband, saying good bye was especially hard, mostly because of our circumstances, and losing my mom. My dad always said that Yasmine was the new woman in his life! Even though she will continue to hold that special place in his heart, it will be done from afar!

I will be sure that Yasmine knows how much her grandfather loves her and how much she means to him and everything he has done to make her transition from Canada to India as easy as possible!!

I hope my dad comes back to visit and stays longer than a week next time!! I know he has to move on with the next phase of his life, a new path that he never expected to take, but life has to go on!

Yasmine will miss the early morning hang out sessions with Granddad, as mommy slept, watching hockey night in Canada with granddad and of course getting burped by Granddad, as he always managed to get the stubborn burps out!!

Thanks for everything dad!!! You are a wonderful father and grandfather, and I’ll never forget how much you have helped me!! We’ll see you really soon and until then, we’ll skype and get to see each other on video!!

The most beautiful thing I heard in a long time....

2009-11-15T08:38:00.002+05:30

I haven't been motivated to write in a long time, but while i was sitting upstairs, I overheard my father speaking to my 2 month old daughter and he said the most beautifully moving thing, that I wanted to write it down so as to never forget it.
On Monday we fly to India, and as you all know my mom passed away 2 months ago. So my dad was having a chat with Yasmine and he said to her:
"On Monday when we fly to go and meet your daddy, maybe we'll see your nanny, because we'll be so close to heaven."

I love you and miss you mom, and on Monday night, Yasmine and I will be looking out of the airplane window and up into the heavens for you.

Welcome Yasmine Rose

2009-10-19T20:21:00.005+05:30

Dear fellow readers,
Sorry for the disappearing act for the last few months, but those who know me, family and friends you all know the story. For those of you who are random readers, I came back to Canada to have my baby because my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I was 34 weeks pregnant and flew half away around the world to be with my family. My husband was my biggest supporter and made sure I left as soon as possible to be with my mom.
Sadly, she passed away on September 6th, 11 days before her granddaughter Yasmine Rose was born.
But this post is not about losing my mother, because I am not ready to write about that yet. The feelings are still very raw and new, and sometimes I think i am still in denial.
This post is about my daughter, Muscles and my daughter. She was born on September 17th, at 37 and half weeks. I had the support of my Aunt Anita and her daughter, my cousin Sheila in the room with me. They were amazing coaches and took my husbands place. My dad was also in and out of the room supporting me through the labour. i was in labour a total of 15 hours, but only about 6 of those hours were hard constant labour. Yasmine Rose was born at 4;45pm and weighed 6 pounds 4 ounces. She's perfect!
I plan to head back to India in about a month or so after I get all the paperwork done and after my sister has her baby.

Yasmine has been a blessing in our life, and has helped us heal from the death of my mother. She has no idea what her birth has done for us, and what her presence has meant for all of us, my dad, my aunts, my cousins, and my sister and I. One day when she is older she will understand the magnitude of her birth and timing of her being born. She was born the day before my parents were to celebrate their 38th wedding anniversary.
Here are some pictures of her birth and a few weeks after.

minutes old

First hair wash

mama and yasmine

leaving the hospital

At aunty Shar's and Uncle Tim's place

some weird pregnancy myths.....

2009-08-10T14:43:00.003+05:30

I feel like I am living in the twilight zone over here sometimes with the things people tell me not to do during pregnancy, or what I should do. Some of this stuff I have NEVER heard in my life, and it's quite unsettling. I met an American mid-wife here working in a hospital and she has been great to talk to to clear the air on some of the superstitions/ideas. She also told me that Indians look at pregnancy as more of an illness or condition and that Indian women are much less active during pregnancy than western women.

Here is some of the list of things that have been said to me, or advised of me during my pregnancy:

Don't eat papaya as it will cause a spontaneous abortion
Do not drink cold water as it will give the baby asthma (I have a hard time drinking room temperature water and always bring a bottle of frozen water to work so it lasts for hours)
I shouldn't be walking or taking the stairs in my condition (pregnancy is a condition)?
During a solar or lunar eclipse, a pregnant woman should not be outside and should only lay flat and not move for those 2 hours. Going to the bathroom is out of the question, making food (chopping or cutting of any kind). The result is if you cut food, the baby will be born missing a limb or finger, or have a cleft palate, or could have some kind pf permanent birthmark on their body. There was an eclipse 3 weeks ago I think. Luckily it was between 5:30am-7:30am and I was asleep anyway. My pregnant boss (who recently had her baby) sent me home early from work to make sure I was home and ready to sleep by 4am!! I work night shift.
During the 8th month (weeks 32-35) I should be extra careful no running, no stress, nothing that could cause me to go into labour basically, because babies born in the 8th month don't live! (HOW MORBID IS THIS)? This is straight from my mother-in-laws mouth. She said babies born in the 7th and 9th month are fine, but not the 8th. When I told her it was a stupid superstition she freaked out and was like no, it's medical!! WTF?
After a baby is born, a woman must stay home for 40 days (not 30 not 39 but 40 days, and do limited amounts of activity (not much reading or watching television) because it will affect your health in the future. My friend just told me this (she had her baby 11 days ago) and then she asked me, do women do this in the west? I was like, never heard of this IN MY LIFE!!! I am not staying home for 40 days unless I'm too sick to move!!! and I am certainly not going to stop reading and watching television!!
Also during the 40 days the baby should not leave the house for fear of the evil eye. People will send evil thoughts and put curses on the baby because they are jealous of how cute it is. Apparently people think Muscles and my baby will be really cute (of course it will) and have told me very seriously to be careful about the evil eye, and to keep the baby at home and to put kajal (black kohl) on it's face or eyes so people don't get envious of the cuteness of the baby. For GOD'S sake. Are you kidding me. The worst thing is that my husband actually believes this.

So that is about it, I might be forgetting something, because i have had all sorts of crap thrown at me since i got pregnant and been living in India. Some of it is interesting to hear from a cultural stand point, but when you're pregnant and already worried that you're doing everything right for the baby, then you have some of this crap spewed at you it just makes for a very confusing time and can be very frustrating!
I am now 32 weeks pregnant, and am so anxious and excited than soon I'll be able to meet this little feisty boy or girl that has been inside me! But I also wonder what new and interesting things will come up on how to deal with a newborn in India, then how to deal with a toddler, etc. I am sure there will be lots of new anecdotes, superstitions and advice thrown my way. Should be interesting to say the least!!

Weekend Getaway

2009-07-14T14:37:00.008+05:30

Muscles and I went away on the weekend, there aren't too many places to go that isn't too far outside of Hyderabad, so we chose Nagarjuna Sagar, which is a waterfall in the closest thing to wilderness you'll find so close to the city. We drove, and it took about 4 hours (and it is only about 200km) outside of the city.
The waterfall has pretty much dried up, but after the monsoon there should be a lot more water. But for us it was just the point of getting away more than seeing a waterfall, I mean come on, I've been to the Niagara Falls so many times in my life, no other waterfall could really do it justice (ok yes there are a few others that could in South America I think), but really, it was just about getting away.

Not much to write about, so I'll let the pictures do the talking.

A tree growing withing a tree

28 weeks pregnant

Are you a wife or a slave?

2009-06-30T13:48:00.003+05:30

A girl I work with recently got married. She is 30 years old and her family never thought it would happen for her. Her marriage was arranged and she met the guy a few times before the wedding. Before I go on to tell you the story, I want to say she is very very happy, mostly to be married, but she also seems to care about the man she married, and perhaps soon she will come to love him.
But with arranged marriages, communication can be a problem, there are so many expectations, and getting to know each other, and trying to please one another. This girl Celine, has taken a liking to me, she always asks for my advice, and it's probably because I tell it to her like it is (for me from a westerners perspective). Here is a conversation I had with her recently:

Me: So once you get home from work what do you do? (she would get home around 10:30pm)
Celine: I have to cook for my husband, he waits for me to get home from work.
Me: Oh, OK, do you have to cook every night?
Celine: (looking puzzled) of course, don't you cook for your husband everyday?
Me: (laughing) No, I don't cook for my husband everyday, when i cook it's for me AND my husband and I do it when I have the time and when I feel like it.
Celine: Oh, that's sweet
Me: So what time do you sleep and get up?
Celine: I sleep around 1am and, well my husband gets up at 5am to go to the gym and he likes it when I get up with him to make him his tea.
Me: At 5am??
Celine: Yes, he says I should get used to getting up early to get my work done around the house.
Me: Man, I feel so lucky. My husband gets up before me and always tells me to go back to sleep and rest.
Celine: it's probably because of your condition
Me: My condition?
Celine: You know you're pregnant
Me: No, no, no, it's just I'm not a slave. Sweetie, when you got married did you become a wife or a slave?
Celine: (laughing) it's just Indian culture
Me: No it isn't. My father-in-law gets up for 4:30 am prayers and makes his own tea, so I know wit's not all culture.

So that was my conversation with Celine, but guess what? She told her husband about our conversation, and her husband told her she didn't have to get up, he thought she liked getting up and making his tea (duh). So when i saw her the next day she said to me that she felt so fresh because she had slept for 7 hours and didn't have to get up to make tea. I told her arranged marriages were the same as "love" marriages in that you needed to have communication and understanding, so that she should speak to her husband if something makes her uncomfortable
Marriage really is the same no matter where in the world you are!

The baby belly

2009-06-14T13:04:00.002+05:30

Here is me pregnant at 24 weeks preggo!!! The first trimester was one of the worst things I've ever been through, no throwing up, but constant 24/7 nausea! The 2nd trimester has been a wonderful experience, and now that I am feeling the baby kick and can even see it outside of my belly, I am just amazed at the life growing inside me and super excited.
The best was when my husband finally felt our little one kick. I think it definitely helped him to bond with our baby!!

So here I am!!

Need a spouse: Look no further than the classifieds!

2009-06-11T16:43:00.005+05:30

Now that I live in the apartment on top of my in-laws I have access to all their newspapers subscriptions. It's nice to be able to keep up with the Bollywood scene and the news scene. However, one day I was going through the newspaper and came across a 2 page spread of " the matrimonial section." One page was girl looking for guy, and the other page was guy looking for girl. But you see, it's not what you'd expect. The main points of interest are the colour of the girls or guy's skin (fair skinned girl seeking fair skinned guy) or (wheat-ish skin boy seeks fair skin girl). Marrying someone fair is important here, so I guess my husband did well, you can't get much fairer than me! HAHA.

Anyway, yesterday, my husband was on the computer typing something out and i asked him what he was typing and he said that his uncle has been trying to find a husband for his daughter for the last year, and so he was typing up her matrimonial bio to give to potential suitors. Muscles cousin is 19 years old and the father is starting to feel desperate that he won't find a husband for her. Geesh!
So I wanted to share with you what a matrimonial bio looks like. I asked Muscles if I could post it, and he thought it would be funny to share.

Matrimonial Bio-Data

Name:- Salma Begum

Age:- 19 Years (1990)

Height:- 5’ 5’’

Complexion:- Fair

Religion:- Islam (Sunni Muslim)

Qualification:- B. Com (Final Year)

Madina Degree College

Himayathnagar

Fathers Name:- Esa Khan

Manager,

Pharmacare Laboratories P.Ltd

Pattedar Village Akhunchaguda Dist. Medak

Grand Father:- Late Mohammed Khan Sahab

(Paternal) Ex-Pattedar Village Akhunchaguda Dist. Medak

Grand Father:- Late Mohammed Abdul Wahab Sahab

(Maternal) Retd. Deputy Collector

Uncles:- Mehmood Khan

(Paternal) Pattedar Village Akhunchaguda Dist. Medak

Yahya Khan

Pattedar Village Akhunchaguda Dist. Medak

Uncles:- Ahmed Abdul Waheed

(Maternal) Retd. Deputy Director,

Directorate of Geology and Mining,

Ahmedabad.

Ahmed Abdul Rasheed

Retd. Field Manager,

Parke-Davis,

Hyderabad.

Khaja Ismail Ahmed

Managing Director,

Pharmacare Laboratories P.Ltd

Hyderabad.

Sheik Ishaq Ahmed

Sr. Executive Manager,

Haji-Hussain Ali-Reza,

Jeddah.

Rafat Siddiqui

Ex-Manager,

S.B.I (Head Office)

Saleem Qureshi

Branch Manager,

S.B.H (Masab Tank)

Brother:- Adil Mohammed Khan

B.Tech (Completed)

Al Habeeb College of Engg. & Tech.

Interesting to note that Muscles cousin isn't really that fair, but putting that she is will increase her suitors. And also, see that there is very little written about her, and more about the kind of family she comes from and the jobs that the men in her family have or have had. Also notice that there is no information about her mother, or her sister, just her uncles, father and brother.
I`m really open to cultures, and I try my best to understand and accept, but arranged marriages and misogyny is still very very hard for me to wrap my head around.
For instance, one of Muscles friends (who really isn`t his friend anymore) told me he knew my baby was a boy. (note: We are not finding out the sex and keeping it a surprise) I replied, why does it matter? And he said well prophets are men, and so it does matter. So I told him I was going home to pray for a girl. Seriously, I can`t handle stuff like that. Muscles and I just hope and pray for a healthy baby, whatever the sex.

So there you have it, if you are looking for a spouse in India, just open up with The Indian Times, you'll have loads of people to select from!!

Baby Shower pics

2009-06-08T19:06:00.005+05:30

When I visited home my mom along with my aunts and cousins threw me a baby shower, since I would be having the baby in India and not coming back to Canada until months after the baby is born. Everyone was really gracious and I got a lot of clothes for the baby but also money to buy the things I need here in India.

Here are a few pics of that wonderful day!!

NB: Also the most amazing, and crazy thing of all, is that my sister and her husband are also expecting... 3 weeks after me!!! My parents are in a wonderland of grandchildren, and couldn't be happier. In early Feb they had no grandchildren then by March they were expecting 2!!! Amazing!!! it's amazing going through this at the same time as my sister who is 20 weeks along now. It's just too bad I am so far away. Thank you VIDEO SKYPE!!!

My sister (who is beside me) and her husband bought this for the baby. How appropriate!

My cloth diapers (which is so much more environmentally friendly)

My amazing grandmother!! Who is 85, can you believe it!

My two long time friends Kim and Shelley who is pregnant with her third!

My cousins Sydney who made me a special collage of pictures and bought me my baby book along with my two other cousins Summer and Taylor (not pictured)

My amazing friends Amanda, Kim, my wonderful mom and cousin Sheila

I'm BACK!!!

2009-06-08T18:22:00.007+05:30

It's been way way too long since I last posted, but for obvious reasons! I got married, went back to Canada for the a too short visit. Came back to India and had to set up our new apartment. Muscles and I had to buy everything for our place, so between working, and shopping and bartering so we were quite busy. Plus, I didn't have Internet until late last week.

I'll post some pictures of my wedding and my baby shower, YES that's right I'm pregnant. Most of you know this by now and others who I know in the blog world (my dear blogger friends Amy, Amanda and Jen) this will be news to you. I started my 6th month yesterday and all is well. I'm due October 4th!!

So I'll leave you with some pics of my wedding and baby shower, then I'll just pick up from where I left off, and tell you about married life in India while expecting a baby. Still adventures of a wanderlust, but more like a wanderlust mommy!!

I'm glad to be back!!!

Getting Mehendi done the day before the ceremony

My Mehendi

My sister-in-law helping to get me dressed

Karen, Laurie and my mehendi and bangles. Mine is the arm with the copper bangles

Karen and I
.
Little Ayesha (a friend of the family and me)

Exchanging our rings

My dear friend Laurie who came to India for the wedding (with Karen) and also to see India too ;)

On our throne

My lovely friends and new husband

My new family (little Ayesha just wanted to be in the pic and the lady in white is my father-in laws sister)My

My mother-in-law (the day after ceremony called the valima (pronounced walima)

My bridal shower

2009-03-27T14:04:00.003+05:30

I wanted to have a small get together with my very close friends before my wedding. Just a small shower of sorts to stir up some excitement. My dear friend Shae took the reigns and organized a small intimate gathering with my closest girlfriends here. My other friend Chenchula (Chunny) hosted the event at her new apartment.
When i arrived i got to wear a bride-to-be sash. What a way to really make it official. All my friends contributed some kind of food for the day, and it was a nice mix of pasta salad, curried potatoes, fried okra, chicken pulau (a rice dish with cloves), and some butter chicken with roti. To top it off they bought my favourite chocolate cake from the best bakery here in Hyderabad!
We played a few games and one of them was about Muscles and I.
here are the questions and the actual answers that Muscles gave to Shae:

1. Where exactly did they meet:
At Timothy's house (he was the guy I lived with for a month before moving into my own place) Muscles was friends with him.

2. Where was their first date?:
Muscles took me to a nice Chinese restaurant called Chinese Pavilion and then to a funky coffee shop called Mocha for dessert.

3. What is their favourite pastime:
We like to watch movies or go to the movies

4. What is Muscles favourite colour on Shelley?
"She looks great in black, but I love when she wears green as it really brings out the colour in her eyes: Straight from his mouth!

5. Will anyone be coming to Canada for the wedding?
Yes, Laurie and Karen!

6. What colour is Shelley's wedding dress for the ceremony?
Maroon and gold

7. Which restaurant is their favourite?
Far East (Chinese restaurant)

And here is a poem that Shae wrote for the shower. It's so cute:

There once was a girl named Shelley
Her head so soft and curly
Her skin so white, her teeth so pearly
She loved on her scooter to be

Then once Junayd saw this fresh Lily
He didn't know the difference between road and gully
her large earrings
her smile, her designer taste drove him just crazy

Junayd and his Ottawa lady in GachiBowli
Both eaters of Biryani, bhindi
Decided to marry
and lived forever happily

NB* Junayd is Muscle's' real name and gachibowli is the residential area I live in.

It was a great day, I had so much fun with my friends!! Now I can't wait to go to Canada and see my family and friends and celebrate my wedding with them!!!
Enjoy the pics!

Martha and me when i arrived

Surabhi and me

Yummy cake

The girls: Fatima, me, Chunny, Shae, martha and Shimul

How he proposed!

2009-03-18T14:07:00.004+05:30

Although we have been planning the wedding for over a month and a bit now, Muscles finally proposed. There were so many formalities to get through before hand, such as getting the blessing of his elders on his dad's side and of course getting my dad's blessing (which he did).

Last Tuesday, he took me to a beautiful park, and the park was actually closed to visitors for the next hour but he spoke to the guard and talked his way into letting us enter early. This means that is was secluded other than the peacocks running around and the sound of rustling trees. We walked and then we found a park bench and sat there for a while. He told me he had something to tell me and then he started telling me how much he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me. He asked me to close my eyes and he slipped the ring on my finger.

It was perfect!

The wedding is set for April 5th and I can't wait!! Here are some pics of my engagement ring!!

Things I can't wait to do once in Canada

2009-03-11T17:53:00.003+05:30

My trip back home less than a month away now and there are so many things i can't wait to do. I have 3 weeks at home and that barely seems like any time to do anything, so I'm sure it will be very busy.

Here's my list:

1. Hugs both my parents super super tight
2. Hang out with my sister and bro-in-law
3. Hug the Canadian fresh air and fall in love with Canada all over again (I know I really can't hug air, but I will try)
4. Visit my Nanny and spend quality time with her (getting to eat her home cooking will also be a huge bonus)!
5. Seeing my aunts and cousins and meeting my new little cousin Noah for the first time. My cousin Nat had a baby in September.
6. Also meeting my other new little cousin Jayden who was born in January
7. Watch ice hockey with my Dad and watch the Bruins KICK ASS!
8. Eat a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese every morning for breakfast. OK not every morning but almost.
9. Sit with my mom in her kitchen, talking, talking, talking
10. See my friends, hug my friends, tell them how much they mean to me
11. Eat my dad's famous chicken stew
12. Getting to wear a spring jacket and actually feel cold. It's damn hot here now.
13. Taking a bath in my mom's amazing tub!
14. Shopping with my Mom.
15. Get to see all the renovations my sister and her hubby did in their house. Can't wait!
16. Drive a car on nice roads, with people who abide by the traffic laws!
17. Get to sleep in my bed!
18. Have my Dad BBQ me a steak!!
19. Watch OPRAH!
20. Drink a Tim Horton's coffee -decaf for me though ;)

21. Will miss my husband in India!!

An Indian Soft drink

2009-03-04T16:47:00.002+05:30

My fiance told me about a new soft drink in India being launched by Hindu nationalist group that call themselves the "cow protection department."
He asked me to guess the key ingredient in this soft drink, and of course I guessed right, because if you know a little about Hindu's you just might guess.
The key ingredient is cow urine!! The name of the drink is gau jal which means cow water and will apparently have cancer fighting benefits and will be devoid of toxins. But apparently it won't smell like urine or taste like urine.
Well in that case, bring it on!!! NOT!

Please click on the link to read the newspaper article about this new non-carbonated super drink.

I for one, will not be testing it's cancer fighting benefits. I'll stick to broccoli and blueberries, thank you very much!!

And for the record most Indians I spoke to about this, thinks the concept is pretty gross as well.

A long awaited update

2009-02-25T15:21:00.002+05:30

I know I have not written in forever, but there has been so many things going on here, and i didn't want to write until everything was finalized and I have told my friends and family first.

I'm getting married!

Technically Muscles still has to speak to my dad and properly propose to me WESTERN style (and by that I don't mean cowboy) I mean like at home in Canada. But we did the Indian formalities, and got his parents blessing first, which you would think is the most difficult thing, but no. We then had to speak to Muscles two elder uncles. His Dad's brothers. if we would have gone ahead with the wedding without their blessing it is very possible they would have disowned Muscles family.

But all went well and the wedding date is set for April 5th. Things happen exceedingly fast here. Sadly, my family will not be able to attend, but we will have a reception and small ceremony once we go to Canada.

We'll be having a traditional Indian Muslim wedding, with me wearing traditional Deccani (which means Hyderabadi) Muslim wedding dress. Here are the pics of a Khada Dupatta, and I am also hoping to get a colour similar to that in the picture. I am not converting, and I do not have to, as it is fine by Muslim law for a man to marry a Christian. Although, I know the family wants me to consider it in the future. Muscles has never asked me to convert, but he has asked me to learn about his religion and keep an open mind, which I feel I have done. His religion is very important to him. And for those who know me, will know I do not follow religion too strictly, although i do feel I am spiritual, and believe in God.

So that's the news. We're busy planning, and getting guest lists together. I'm supposed to go shopping soon for my bridal dress. Apparently I'll be given lots of jewels to wear on my wedding day. HAHA.

I swear I never do anything normal. Once an adventurer, always an adventurer.

The new roomie

2009-02-03T16:29:00.002+05:30

Well you all want the dirt, but really there's not much dirt to tell. He's a mid-twenty American from Colorado but lived all over the United States including Alaska. He's a theatre major so he's creative and outgoing.
He seems pretty cool so far, and luckily he isn't one of those guys that just sticks in his room and hides. He actually lived in Bangalore for 6 months working with a mission in various slums. So he's been to India before, loves the culture, the people, the food and the lifestyle.
He also cooks and so far seems really clean!!

Actually I admit, I'm enjoying the company, it's nice to have someone to talk to all the time, and also split the bills with. Always a bright side. HEHE

I guess stay tuned for more, it's only been a couple of days, but I've already taken him out to meet friends and to dinner, and today we went grocery shopping, him sitting behind me on the scooter. HAHA

Good times!!!

A big change

2009-01-30T14:34:00.002+05:30

I received a phone call yesterday that I was getting a roommate, a guy, from the United States, on SUNDAY!

I always knew this was a possibility, but I never really thought about it. Ugh. Talk about a curve ball. I mean I'm given 4 days notice, have to move my internet connection to my bedroom and buy a desk now. I haven't had a roommate since University, well, I guess you can count my ex-boyfriend whom I lived with 5 years. Sometimes it felt like he WAS a roommate.
I just hope this guy is nice, clean and somewhat cool.

Stay tuned...... Right now I'm busy moving my things around, cleaning and preparing for this guy to come. I don't even know his name!!!

On the bright side, it's never a bad thing to meet new people and expats. I'm keeping an open mind about this one. For now anyway.....

The Nampally exhibition

2009-01-28T16:59:00.006+05:30

On Monday I went to this gigantic exhibition that is held only once a year with a few of my girlfriends. They include Shae, her cousin Rachel whom she brought back from the United States to spend 3 months with her, and Chunny, and American Indian who did her College over in India and decided to stay and work here.
The exhibition are vendors from all over India and other parts of the world. Many many of them from Kashmir, which mean gorgeous cashmere pashmina's, stoles and scarves for very cheap prices. But you have to know how to bargain!
There were food vendors, circus rides, and so many things to buy. I bought a pashmina scarf, a pair of sandals, some saffron honey, black bangles and some mango jelly all for under $13, and apparently i could have still gotten it cheaper. The exhibition will be around until mid-Feb so i hope to go back.

We had a fun day getting stared at (4 western girls, 2 of which are over 5 feet 8 inches tall and blond), but it doesn't really bother us much anymore. We also had some ice cream and chat (which is pronounced kind of like chart but with a silent r). This is Indian snack food or vendor food originating in Rajastan (the royal part of India) and it's really hard to describe. My favourite is Dahi Papri (dahi meaning yogurt), it's crumpled up crusts of samosas or dried roti (without the filling), then layered with chick pea curry,then a bunch of spices, turmeric, cumin, chili powder, then layered with sweetened yogurt, and tamarind sauce then topped with red onions and a kind of cracker. I love this stuff, and it's so cheap, like about 30 cents a plate.
I added a few links for you to see the many variations of chats. Another popular one is pani puri (which means water and a kind of Indian donut/pastry). At first I thought it was so weird to poke a hole in my food (a pastry kind of thing), put water in it with onions and eat it. But it's delicious! Here are some more pictures of Pani Puri. The flavoured water is put inside the puri which already hold some chick peas and onions, and you eat it like that. It's addicting and so cheap!! i think I'm going to get some chat tonight at work at the chat vendor and drink some freshly squeezed sweet lime juice from the fresh fruit vendor!

Rachel, just arrived 3 days earlier from the U.S

Chunny enjoying her chat

Me and my plate of dahi papri

A train ride through the exhibition

So many people

I'm still alive

2009-01-20T19:11:00.003+05:30

Just wanted to post an update to let everyone know I am indeed still alive and kicking, I haven't posted much lately because when I'm not working, the last thing i want to do is be typing on my computer, since I'm on it a lot at work.

I've been working 10-12 hour days, doing a lot of training, and just preparing for 2009 with the managers. With the recession 2009 is going to be an interesting year all over the world. I hope with Obama coming into office today will be the start of some positive change.

It's funny but last time Clinton took office after Bush senior there was a war (Desert Storm) and an economy crunch, and now with Obama taking over from Bush junior, there is a war (Iraq and Afghanistan) and a huge recession with comparisons of the Great Depression of the 1930's. Hmmm, coincidence???? No such thing as coincidences and as Muscles said, God doesn't play with dice. Hopefully there are no more Bush's to take over in 4 or 8 years, because I personally have enough of the Bush family to last a lifetime!

AS for weather, well you'd think that the very cold weather patterns in Canada and northern USA would not affect my life in India, but it does. We've been so busy at the auto club arranging jump starts for customers and I've been trying to get the agents to understand what it feels like to be a Popsicle. Most of the them have never seen snow (unless they live in the north in the hill stations), so trying to empathize with a customer stuck in -25 temperatures has been a challenge.
The weather here has been amazing, it's sunny with blue skies every day and gets to about 27-30 degrees and cols off to a comfortable 16-20 in the evening. Winter in Hyderabad is amazing, I never use my air conditioning (I haven't really since July-August) and I rarely even need a fan, except to sleep cause there are roosters and other noises. I've become so adjusted to the heat and it's nice. I mean at home in 30 degrees people have their AC full blast. I mean when I go out on Saturday afternoons, it's 30 degrees and I'm usually wearing jeans and a shirt with a light sweater over top. At home I'd be in shorts and a tank top.... funny how these things change.

And on that note, I have to go and get ready for another 10 hour day at the office, it sounds like I am complaining, but I do really like my job. I never wake thinking, oh God I have to work today (OK, maybe Mondays but everyone does that). In Canada i did that every single day, and even had insomnia because I disliked my job so much.
Thankfully, I sleep like a baby here!

Answers to some of the comments

2009-01-13T19:26:00.002+05:30

I just thought I'd respond to some of the comments of the last post i wrote. There were a lot of them so I thought I should address them.

First, I love that things are different here, and just because they are different does not make it wrong. I totally know that. But i also know that many people , unless they travel to India, will never know these customs (bizarre, or interesting) and so I thought I'd shed some light on the subject. I was in no way being disrespectful of their customs.

Saying that, here is some answers to your questions:

The family of four on the scooter (yes I knew my picture was a scooter). I've seen families of 4 on both motorcycles and scooters. I own a scooter but I've only ever had one person at the back. Balancing is not easy!! Yes, it is because people can't afford cars. There are laws in India which say you can't have more than 2 people on a bike, but a 50 rupee note will get you out of that jam.
The black eyeliner on babies seems to be only a Hindu custom. My boyfriend is Muslim and he tells me they don't do that, and i have many christian friends and they tell me they don't put eyeliner on babies either. So it would seem to be a Hindu custom. Yes, the kohl, or kajal is made with different stuff than in the west. But I did find out that kohl is applied to Hindu newborn baby's eyes as a way to prevent being "cursed by an evil eye", and some believe it strengthens the baby's eyes.
The head shaving thing seems to be more of an aesthetic thing with Indians than a custom or prevention of lice. Although lice prevention would make sense too. People here believe that it will result in thick lustrous hair.
The arranged marriages here are a lot like match.com, but i have also met many women who did not have a choice and met their husband on the day they got married. My friend Labels is in the process of choosing her spouse, and she has all the power in her hands to say yes or no. So women/men have more choices than others. It will all depend on the family.
It very well might be Hyderabad, but it is extremely hard to find a place here if you are single. I lived in a guesthouse and then with a friend before finally moving. My company had a rough time finding me housing. It took almost 2 months!!

I'll have a part 2 of the strange, and interesting facts about India coming up later this week!!

Some truly bizaare and interesting things I've encountered here

2009-01-06T13:54:00.007+05:30

I'm not trying to put down the Indian culture or anything like that, but some things I have come across has either been interesting (in a good or huh? kind of way) or just downright bizarre. You be the judge. I've tried to attach pictures of each interesting and bizarre event, so just click the highlighted link.

I've seen families of 4 on a motorcycle, using it like a mini-van or a luxury car. A small child in front, second child behind Dad and mom sitting sideways at the back. In Canada, a child has to be in a car seat until they are like 70 pounds. Quite the dichotomy I must say! Now this isn't even something I see some of the time. I see this everyday, it's a normal everyday occurrence, it makes you feel kind of petty for wanting to update your small sedan for a large SUV just to fit your 2 children, when here, they are riding like this, because this is what they can afford.
It's only necessary for the driver to wear a helmet. See the link in the picture above to prove my point. I mean what's up with that? As long as the driver is safe, who cares about the passenger(s), right? India really needs to re-evaluate this law.
In the Hindu religion mother's line their baby's eyes with kajal or kohl. I find it looks bizarre and wouldn't this be bad for a young child's eyes? So many times I go to coo at a small baby only to find their eyes lined with thick black kohl, it is actually looks freaky.
It is believed and it is custom that before a child turns one their head is shaved. This is regardless of religion, because it is not a religious custom, it is because it is thought here that if you shave the child's head their hair will grow to be thick and beautiful. This is done to both male and female babies. I used to wonder why i saw lots of young children running around with bald heads. Now I know. I have very thick curly hair, and I wonder what it would look like if my Mom had decided to shave it. it's actually scary to think about it. HAHA.
I see men holding hands all the time walking down the street. And sometimes they are actually holding pinky's. These men are not gay. They just don't have any issues with affection towards other men. Can you imagine two straight men holding hands just because they are friends in Canada? Strange isn't it? Any straight man would freak out if another man tried to hold his hand. Here it isn't looked at as anything besides being friendly (but a man and woman holding hands here gets a lot of looks) !!! Muscles does not hold his male friends hands, and is it wrong if I am actually happy with that? HAHA.
Women have 2 ways they wear their hair here. Long and longer. And most of the time it is in a braid down their back. I think Indian women are gorgeous, but I also think their hair could use some style. Indian hair is some of the most gorgeous hair I've ever seen, long, thick, black, but when it has no style it just looks unhealthy. Women with short hair are considered less attractive and un-sexy or androgynous, case in point, my friend Paro wears her hair short, (check out my b-day pics to jog your memory) and she is always described to me by other friends as the boyish looking girl. She is beautiful and not boyish at all!!
It is very difficult for bachelors (unmarried women or men) to find a place to live in India. There is a mis-conception here that if you are single you are, less responsible, a party animal, and promiscuous. My one friend (an Indian American) was looking for a place to live and she was told by the landlord, why are you single, why don't you just get married? She is 21 years old. She was like, what does that have to do with me wanting to rent this place?? I even had this discussion with Muscles, because in Islam it states that being married makes men more responsible. I'm sure to some extent that is true, you do have more responsibilities. But I have met many married men, who are not responsible, and married women as well, but we were speaking about men. I firmly believe if you are a responsible person in general then marriage shouldn't make you more or less that way, you'll do the right thing no matter what.
The biggest thing I have a hard time wrapping my brain around is arranged marriage. I mean for the most part it works here, but i think that will change in 20 years as women become more educated and want to wait until later in life to get married. Also if you are over the age of 25 or 26 and not married you are considered an old maid. But my friend Labels wants an arranged marriage, all her siblings had love marriages but she, as the youngest of 4 children, wants to give her parents the gift of choosing her husband. So here is a conversation I had with her yesterday:

Labels: So I had 2 proposals today?
Me: Really, from where?
Labels:Well one is from an Indian, from the United States
Me: Wow, so tell me about him? What do you know?
Labels: Well, he makes 3 lakhs a month and works for Intel
Me: Ok, and...?
Labels: He has his green card.
Me: OK, but what about him? Have you seen a picture? What are his hobbies? Is he nice?
Labels: Nope, i haven't. Not sure. But what is 3 lakhs in dollars? Is that a good amount?
Me: well, yes, that's about $6000 USD give or take.
Labels: is that before or after taxes?
Me: I have no idea....but shouldn't you be wondering about how he'll treat you?
Labels: I mean, I'm sure I'll meet him and get a final say, but it's more important if he can take care of me and provide for our family.
Me: (telling myself to keep my mouth shut), Oh, OK, well don't jump into anything too soon. Do you think you're mom will let me have a crack at this guy before you decide? I worry about you.....

So yes, I respect the culture here, but that doesn't mean it isn't difficult, and if you know me, you'd know how opinionated I am. Before I left my mom gave me this advice, she said "Shelley, you keep your mouth shut over there, you never know what kind of trouble you'll get yourself into." HAHA. She knows me too well.

I want your thoughts on what I have just written? What do you think? Weird, bizarre or interesting? I love being in a different culture and learning new things, but admittedly some things are difficult to wrap your brain around. Just because I wouldn't do or follow most of these customs doesn't mean it doesn't work here. That's what makes the world so interesting, it would be a boring world if everyone looked the same and followed the same culture and traditions!

Christmas in India

2008-12-28T17:47:00.003+05:30

The last few days have been fairly low key and quiet, Christmas was nice, yet it did just feel like any other day.
I did go to mass on Christmas eve at one of the largest churches in south India called St. Mary's. I don't know what the heck I was thinking, the place was packed!!! It was so packed that we didn't even go inside the church, the chairs were set up outside the church. I'm sure there was easily close to 8000-10,000 people, and most were standing. The arch bishop of Hyderabad conducted the mass, and it was mainly in English with some Telegu readings. The carols were really nice, but Muscles and i decided to leave about 3/4 of the way into it, because we knew getting out would be ridiculous, and I wanted to go and get a late night dinner. I'm glad I went.

Other things i did for Christmas:

On Christmas morning (afternoon since I slept until noon-remember I'm on vampire hours-hehe), Muscles came over and I opened my gifts from my parents and from him. My parents bought me all kinds of earrings, a couple of sweaters, body butter from the body shop and yummy extras like maple and brown sugar oatmeal, fibre one bars, candy canes, peanut butter and a box of cherrios. The stuff cost over $11 to buy here.
Muscles bought me a pair of black and grey snakeskin stiletto heels, and a gorgeous black stole (pashmina).
We had a work "town hall" that night, and so we went. it was uneventful. had to sit through 3 hours of boring presentations, before we could finally eat dinner (standing up again) and then dance. We had to dance in a too hot too crowded room. I danced with my HBC friends and then had a coke by the pool with a few friends before Muscles and I took off back home. I called my parents and spoke to them, and it was THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY! Muscles also spoke to my mom, and thought she was lovely! Of course she is!!! Muscles also spoke to my grandmother and he couldn't believe she was 84. Even her voice sounds younger than she is. The cute part was when Nanny called Muscles, not by his real name, but by Muscles. I love that!!!
I spoke to Muscles mom on the phone as well. Almost crapped my pants. She's sweet though and not sure why i was so nervous. Indian parents just make me nervous.
My sister told me that she would treat Muscles and I to a dinner at TGIF for Christmas, and so yesterday, we went and I had my official Christmas dinner of steak and mashed potatoes. Yummy! Thanks Shar and Tim!!
Today my boss from HBC had all the managers over to his place for lunch. He spent a year living in Canada working with HBC and so there were so many reminders of home at his place. His children's school pictures in Toronto, the Canada clock, the shot glasses from each city he visited in Canada, and the best of all, a tin of Tim Horton's cappuccino coffee. Ah, felt like home, and he made pasta for lunch. Nostalgia at it's best.
Muscles also bought me a cake for Christmas. The cake here usually has no eggs in it, to cater to the vegetarians. So I hate eating them, so yucky. But there is this cake place, that doesn't advertise and was owned by a European lady before she sold it to an Indian woman. Her cakes are amazing and I had them a few times. I mentioned to Muscles that I loved that cake, and he knew I wouldn't get any of the traditional sweets for Christmas, so he tracked down the number and then bought me a triple chocolate cake from this place. I was in heaven!!! Below are the pictures of the cake, it's that gorgeous and it tastes as good as it looks.

So I didn't have a traditional Christmas, but Muscles did his best to make sure I had a memorable one. It was quiet and low key, but it was nice. Making new memories and new traditions is never a bad thing!!

My plans for Christmas Eve

2008-12-23T18:18:00.002+05:30

Well, I thought in order to get into the spirit of Christmas I would find a nice church and attend midnight mass.
So tomorrow, I am going to work early and I'll leave at 10pm. Muscles has agreed to drive me and attend mass with me. He is Muslim so I think it is sweet that he plans to come with me. He is certainly not doing it for himself. I'm sure he is curious about Christmas as well.

i heard that there is this gorgeous church called St. Mary's that has a wonderful midnight mass with lots of carols and all that fun stuff.

I hope to take some pictures and I'll be sure to write about my experience!

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you all enjoy spending it with the people important in your life. My friends and family will be in my heart and thoughts.

The Christmas spirit

2008-12-22T13:43:00.005+05:30

Muscles and I went to the "mall" on Saturday to look around and see how the people of Hyderabad are celebrating Christmas. I say "mall" because it's a basically one big department store, not like a north American mall where there are hundred's of stores. But this place called Hyderabad central is pretty huge. The bottom floor has a food bazaar (grocery store), a pizza hut, a noodle bar and a Baskin Robbins. Also there is a Mark's and Spencers and Guess store (very expensive). The rest of the floor are what you'd expect in a department store like the Bay, beauty, watches, jewellery, men's clothes, women's clothes. Etc...

I thought I'd take a few pictures of some of the Christmas decorations in the "mall." I wasn't really supposed to be using my camera so i took the shots quickly. You get frisked and your bag gets checked before going into most malls. We even saw them checking the engines of the cars that were going into the car park. I guess after the Mumbai attacks they aren't leaving any stone unturned. I was told "no flash" when the lady checked my purse and frisked me with a plastic wand to detect if I'm carrying any lethal weapons. Geesh.

The last picture below is a video of the Santa band playing carols and a dancing Santa with a little Indian girl having a lot of fun dancing. She then proceeds to go on stage and sing, but I had to stop the camera at about that time. Don't mind the people walking in front of the camera a few times. It was pretty packed and I didn't have much space to move around.

Anyway, going to the "mall" helped put me in the Christmas spirit, but what really did the trick was Muscles bringing me the package my parents mailed me. It was packed with wrapped gifts, a stocking full of goodies, candy canes, and a box of cheerios and LIGHT peanut butter! There was also a gift inside for Muscles and a bag full of candies for him.
My parents are so thoughtful and generous. They have never met him, but yet still thought of him and bought him a little something. Although my parents are an ocean away they still are teaching me things, and that is the spirit if giving. It was really sweet, and meant a lot to me.

We never opened any of the gifts, because I promised my mom I'd wait until Christmas. Of course, if this was my sister she would have opened them all up by now, as she was the one who went hunting around the house when she was younger for her gifts. It's such a cute memory I have of her. I'd find her in my parents room standing on a chair looking in my parents closet for her gifts, she was probably about 6 or 7. HEHE.
So the gifts are sitting in a box waiting to be opened. How exciting!

On Christmas day I'll be at a work party, that was supposed to happen on Thanksgiving but that was postponed because of the attacks in Mumbai. This party couldn't have come at a better time. There will be performed dances, Christmas caroling, free dinner, free beer, and dancing and mingling. It will be nice to be with my colleagues for the holidays. It certainly doesn't substitute my family and friends, but at least it's a celebration!! Christmas is still in my heart.

A minor celebrity??

2008-12-19T14:18:00.002+05:30

Muscles came over to my place yesterday to pick me up to go to work since I was going to go early. When he came in, he held the newspaper and told me people were going to be giving us a lot of attention.

A few weeks ago, when I was sick, Muscles asked me to go to some afternoon party from 2-6pm. I was feeling terrible but he never asks me for much, so I got dressed in some nice clothes, did my hair and went with him and his friends to some club. He promised me after 2 hours of being there he'd take me home so I could just slip back in my pj's, and be sick, and get pampered.
I was the only western girl in the bar, and so a couple of photographers asked to take my picture with Muscles. I never thought much of it, since I was told the guy having the party has a website and likes to put pics of the party there.

3 weeks later........
Muscles held the newspaper out for me, and he tells me to open it to the society pages, which is referred to as page 3, and the people pictured on it are P3P's (page 3 people). There on the page along with celebrities, is mine and Muscles picture. I was shocked. Luckily, I look good in the picture, and the caption read "2 to tango."
I asked Muscles how many people read this newspaper, and he told me it was the most circulated newspaper in the state. Still, how many people check out page 3??

Apparently everyone. When I went to work, I had people come and shake my hand, all excited they knew someone who had made it to page 3. Then a few of my colleagues joked and called me "tango girl." It was really funny. What's even more funny, is I rarely go out. I've been to a club maybe twice the past 3 months. So I'm sure all my coworkers think I'm this party girl.

Regardless, I'm going to enjoy my 15 minutes of fame.

Really??

2008-12-13T22:58:00.005+05:30

Here is an actual conversation I had with my friend Labels the other day:

Labels: So I think I'm going to quit work.
me: Why? You just got a promotion that took you a difficult exam, 2 interviews and 6 months of waiting to get to this position.
Labels: I just need a break. I'm so tired.
Me: silence
Labels: What?
me: You're 25.
labels: And?
Me: You just started working, and you're tired? You live at home, and you don't even have to do any work at home.
labels: Well my Dad told me to quit too and take a break.
Me: Really?! My dad would boot my ass if I told him that.

What's up with that???

Thanks Mom and Dad. Seriously.

A whole lotta meat!

2008-12-09T17:03:00.004+05:30

Living in India I am exposed to so many different cultural festivals and it is quite a learning experience.
Today is the Muslim celebration of Bakr-id, in English that is translated to "sheep festival." Bakr (sheep), and id (festival-celebration). This means that affluent Muslim families sacrifice a goat for each member of it's family. This is to commemorate the sacrifice of prophet Ibrahim (Abraham in Christianity), who willingly agreed to kill his son in behest of God. When Ibrahim had the sword to his son's throat, God-Allah, told Ibrahim it was merely a test of obedience and told Ibrahim to sacrifice a ram in the place of his son. Hence, the festival of Bakr-id.
The Qu'ran is essentially the old testament from the bible which most people don't know. All the prophets I grew up knowing as Christians just take on a Muslim name in the Qu'ran, such as Abraham-Ibrahim, Mary-Maryam, Moses-Musa, Jesus-Isa, Noah-Nuh.

The rituals on Bakr-id, is to go to the mosque early in the morning to pray, then of course the sacrifice takes place of a disease free cow, goat, camel, or sheep at home. 2/3 of the meat is distributed among the poor and the rest to family and friends.

This is of course very interesting, but that fact that my boyfriend sacrificed 3 goats today, and will sacrifice another goat and a cow tomorrow doesn't sit well with me. I, of course spoke to Muscles about this, and he said, well, how do you think the meat you eat gets on your plate?
And he is totally right, I am NOT a vegetarian, and I am not ignorant to the fact that the chicken, beef, and mutton I eat gets killed somewhere. And the way the Muslims sacrifice the animal they pray and then it is done in the most humane way possible causing much less pain to an animal, (this is called halal) and probably the most humane way to eat meat if you do eat it (I mostly only eat halal meat now). Muslims are taught through the Qu'ran that all animals should be treated with respect and well cared for.
Muscles also brought the point to me, that my dad, hunts.
Yup, he's right again. So ya, I'm not sure why the whole thing feels weird to me, I guess it's because it sounds so violent, even though I know some of the meat I've eaten have come from a place where the animal was put through a lot of pain. But like I told Muscles, I don't call the butcher and get play by play about how he killed the animal, so I would prefer not to hear the details of the sacrifice, even if he was the one who did it.

This is why you just need to have an open mind, although this has been hard to wrap my brain around, I feel like by reading stuff about it online, talking to Muscles and a few friends from work I am learning more and more about different cultures every day. Plus Muscles called me today and said "babe, would you prefer mutton or beef?" I didn't expect to get any meat, but Muscles told me "I was family," and that he would drop me off some fresh cuts of whatever I wanted.

Oh man !! "I want the BEEF!" Yippee!!!

Christmas Package and tidbits

2008-12-08T12:14:00.004+05:30

I got a Christmas package from my parents this weekend, and although it feels nowhere near like Christmas- it's 26 degrees today- having that package and knowing I can't open it until Christmas, gives me something to look forward to.

Thanks mom and dad for giving me a little Christmas tingle. Although I have to say I don't miss the crap that goes on at home at this time of year. People should be joyful and happy. My friend Amanda told me a hilarious story of a woman who got really angry at her for "stealing her parking spot." The colourful language that this woman used on her is actually shocking, although really really funny. Amanda, I read your Facebook message 3 times this weekend, and read it to Muscles, I thought it was that funny!
Believe me, you're none of those things that woman called you. Least of all, an "inconsiderate punk." HAHAHA!
Ah! the joys and perils of Christmas!

I went to the foreign grocery store yesterday and spent too much money on comfort foods from home. A box of multi-grain cherrios cost $12!!!! I did find strawberries, and i did a dance in the store when I found them too. They only cost about $2 for a quart. So I bought 2 of them. I also found blueberry jam (no blueberries to be had here), and I also bought some Betty Crocker cake mix and icing. I will make a "Christmas cake" and pretend it's my mom's amazing Christmas cookies. i spent like $12 on the cake mix and icing. You can't find chocolate chips here, and I only have a small toaster oven, enough for small cakes, and brownies and toast. I'll have to make do with what I've found.

Muscles and I went to see Max Payne this weekend. And sadly, I'll never get those 2 hours of my life back. The movie was crap. Hyderabad only gets a few foreign movies here, and they are usually just the big box office hits. So my choices are limited. Luckily we download movies and watch a lot of them at home. Muscles also introduced me to an American sit-com that he loves and I have never seen called "How I met your mother," so we watched like 6 episodes of season 1 this weekend! Funny funny, show.

Can I speak to a Canadian??

2008-12-05T13:49:00.004+05:30

While working for HBC here in India and listening to at least 10 calls a night (sometimes more) I can really see how multi-cultural Canada has become. Sometimes on a given night I can come across agents calling me over for help, because the other person on the end of the line doesn't speak much English at all. Most of these callers seem to be Chinese-Canadian. But they also include many Italian, and Arabic speakers as well.

One time an agent spent an hour on the phone with a Canadian-Chinese customer just trying to help her. He got so desperate and asked me to listen to the call. Wow, I had no idea how he kept his patience, 'cause even I didn't understand a word. But that's Canada, we're multi-cultural, a miss-mosh of the entire world, with every and language and religion under the sun living in one country.

What pisses me off though is when some Canadians call and ask to speak to someone in Canada, or they say "let me speak to a Canadian." It upsets me because I thought Canadians were better than this.
Let me set the record straight, my agents speak English well, for most of them it's their second or first language, and ALL of them did their University in English. They HAVE ACCENTS!!!! Having an accent does not mean you can't speak English. When you speak to a British or Scottish person, do you ask them to speak to someone else? No, of course not, cause they speak English they just have an ACCENT!!
Biggest misconception is that Indians don't speak English. Of course in smaller village areas English is definitely not abundant. But I live here, and I know they speak English. They speak it well!! My boyfriend's English is excellent, and he barely even has an accent. So please, when you call a call center and you hear an Indian accent on the other end please don't assume they don't speak English.

It's actually kind of funny because on this one call I was listening to, as soon as the Indian agent introduced himself, this Canadian guy asked to speak to a Canadian right away. I cringed when this happened 'cause I thought "are we really this ignorant?" So the agent said no problem and connected him with an agent in Montreal. When my agents connected with the agent in Montreal, the Canadian agent had a thick French accent, and I knew it would be difficult for an English speaker to understand. So I thought it was rather humorous that this Canadian guy who asked to speak to a "Canadian" was probably still going to have to deal with someone with an accent. He probably would have understood the Indian agent a lot more than the guy with the thick French accent.

An Indian wedding

2008-12-04T18:39:00.006+05:30

Labels (my girlfriend from work) invited me to her brother's wedding that was held yesterday. It was the first Indian wedding I have attended, although I have been invited to a few. Labels is Christian and her brother married a Hindu girl, who is a Brahmin (which is one of the highest caste of Hindu's and who are vegetarian). It obviously is a love marriage, considering the two are from different religions. Planning the wedding was difficult because of varying religious beliefs and the bride chose not to convert to Christianity. It was definitely not a smooth path to the "aisle" (there was no aisle...hahaha).

Now I want to be as diplomatic as I can, and I don't want to come across as insensitive when i describe the wedding. But since this is my blog and it is also a learning tool for all my family and friends I feel I need to be honest about my experience.

Firstly, the wedding was on a Wednesday (although there were several days of celebration before hand) such as the saffron ceremony. The Saffron ceremony is ceremony where the bride to be is purified and adorned by the youngest female of the gathering and the application of Mehendi, where the bride's hands and feet are adorned with henna to enhance and celebrate her beauty
I went with a couple of colleagues from work and when i arrived, (it was in a hotel) there was loud techno music playing and everyone was gathered in this room. Shortly thereafter, the bride and groom walked in (to the techno music), both wearing traditional Indian wedding garland. The groom was in a suit and the bride in an emerald green saree. The parents got up to speak for a few minutes (they spoke in Telegu) so i have no idea what was said. Then the bride and groom cut the cake, fed it to each other, then everyone lined up to wish them congratulations and get our pictures taken.
Then we were whisked away to another room where were ate a buffet dinner, standing up! Yup no chairs or tables. I was carrying a clutch purse and a pashmina and I had to put it between my feet on the floor in order to eat my meal. And with Indian food we mostly eat with our hands, so add that to the mix. Trying to hold a plate, rip roti and naan into small pieces to eat the chicken and veg korma. Freaking difficult.
I was there a total of an hour and a half before we finished desert, said good bye to the bride and groom and made our way back to work.
WOW.

I know every culture has it's own traditions and this has been a learning experience for me. I was honoured to be invited and it was very important to Labels and her mom that I came. And I was glad i went.
I've never been one of those girls who has constantly dreamed about my wedding day and have it planned already. But I have some idea of how I would like it to be. Definitely small, and intimate, special and sentimental.
The Indian wedding was interesting, but it is not how I would want my wedding to be. I also went to a couple of Korean weddings as well when I lived there, and they were also rushed and tacky. Although I would hate to see the whole world westernized, because it would be a boring world if that was the case, I do feel that western weddings are beautiful (when done right and not crazily over budget).

Definitely glad I experienced that, but when I think back to my sister's and her husband's wedding, it was so magical and although their wedding may not be what everyone envisions, I felt it had the best of everything. But mostly you just felt love in the room! And I guess that is what is should come down to in the end.

Miss Spoiled Brat!

2008-12-01T18:54:00.003+05:30

One thing I have learned from living in two separate countries and traveling to 16 different ones, is that women and men are essentially the same. Yes, there are the obvious culture differences but essentially, the same.

One thing I noticed though is different is the way we (meaning women) criticize (tease) our friends. In Canada when our friend asks, when out shopping, if her butt looks fat in her jeans, we say no. Of course not, that would be rude. It's not about being HONEST, because we know with women where honesty can get you sometimes. But instead we might suggest another pair that is hotter, or say the colour isn't right. But definitely not that your butt looks fat.

This brings me to my story, on Saturday I went out with Muscles friends, girls and guys younger than me, but still kind of cool people. Except for this one girl, I'll call her, miss spoiled brat. Her parents are apparently filthy rich, and she had a mad crush on Muscles, and made some not so nice comments to him about me. Out of jealousy of course, and i got the last laugh cause I have the guy. Muscles got invited to this day time party and so even though I was sick as a dog I got dressed up and went with him for a few hours. He invited 5 of his buddies and then one of them invited miss spoiled brat. Well after the party we decided to go to KFC. Not my choice but still I haven't been in years, so I went. One of the girls (I'll call her miss innocent, cause she is sweet and well innocent) was eating a chicken burger and it also came with a piece of chicken. As she was eating miss spoiled brat said, and I quote "Hurry up fatty, you don't need to eat that anyway or you'll just get fatter!"

I mean WTF!

Miss innocent is friends with spoiled brat, and she is not fat by North American standards anyway. And yes, Indian women are for the most part slim, but I've seen my fair share of very heavy women, in sarees with their belly's showing for crying out loud. It seems that curvier women get more attention here anyway (by curvy I mean hour glass shape, not overweight)
I turned to miss innocent and said she looked great and that I thought she was beautiful. Then I looked at spoiled brat and told her she her that fat girls could get skinny but ugly girls were pretty much stuck that way for life. I know it's mean, but she pissed me off. And when I meant ugly I meant on the inside and out.
The worse part of this is, that these two girls are friends. Man I don't need or want friends like that.

I told Muscles never to invite me out when spoiled brat was going to be there, I'm too old to hang around with people like that. I left high school and University a long time ago.

Pictures and the christmas Season

2008-11-30T12:32:00.005+05:30

Last weekend Muscles took me to a really nice spot outside of the city, it is called Osman Sagr and it's a lovely lake with some actual greenery. Hyderabad has a lot more trees and a few more parks than most cities, but it was nice to get out of the city for a few hours and spend some time in the quiet, with a lot less people. Here are some pics of that day.

Well tomorrow officially marks the beginning of the Christmas season, and although I know I moved away from Canada and I have no reason to complain, or whine about missing my favourite holiday, but this is my blog and so I am going to do just that. I am lucky to have experienced Christmas in 2 different countries, once being in South Korea, and the other time in India last year when i spent 2 months backpacking here (this will be my second time in India for Christmas). But both of those times I was going home shortly after the holiday, I arrived home January 1st from Korea, and December 28th from India. This time I'm here until the end of March at least. Although many of my friends in India are excited about Christmas (they are Christians) there is no where near the hype here as at home, no tree, no homemade cookies, no presents (yes I guess it makes me selfish), no snow, no crazy hustle and bustle on the streets, and malls.
I am hoping to be as festive as i can at work and try to get people at the call centre to really get excited about it. They'll be speaking to American and Canadian customers and so I'll live vicariously through them.
Muscles wants to try and give me some semblance of a Christmas so that's sweet.
But yes, I'll miss the holiday season, even the commercialism that goes with it. I love giving and receiving gifts......and so it will be rough this year. But it also will be yet another cultural experience under my belt, and maybe celebrating Christmas differently will help me see more of the real meaning behind it.

Nah...I doubt it. I never claimed to be a Saint. I do want presents, and cookies, turkey a Christmas tree, snow and MY FAMILY and FRIENDS!

Attacks in Mumbai

2008-11-28T12:58:00.005+05:30

I want to thank everyone who has called my mom and dad to check to make sure that I am OK here in India. It means a lot that people are worried. Although it worries my mom every time the phone rings when something like this has happened.

I know my parents are both worried about me and they have reason to fear (the simple fact that they are parents), but I also think they are being strong about this as well.

Firstly, I am safe and quite far away from the incidents. I am about 600km away from Mumbai, and here is a map to show exactly the locations.

This is a very random attack, and what is scary is it is the first of it's kind, no one has seen anything like this. Also what is scary is that the terrorists are looking for people with American and British passports. I guess this is when it is good to be Canadian. OK, bad joke, because seriously, I look and sound like an American, and last I read on the news 6 Canadians were being held hostage inside the Taj hotel.

No one really knows much about the groups who are involved with the attacks other than they are most likely NOT Indian nationals and that they arrived by boat at the gateway of Mumbai.
The other freaky thing is this time last or around this time I was in India. I had just visited Mumbai about 3 weeks earlier, and I had visited all the locations that the terrorists targeted. I even had lunch and drinks at Leopolds restaurant. This restaurant was targeted because it was made famous in the book Shantaram, where the foreigners would go to hang out and drink.

The attacks have been described by Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh as "well planned and very orchestrated attacks probably with external linkages to create panic by choosing high profile targets and indiscriminately killing innocent foreigners"

Regardless of what you heard in the media, they still don't know who is responsible for these attacks, and although a group called the Deccan Mujahideen has sent emails taking credit for the attacks, the police think that this is a red herring likely to steer the police in the wrong direction.

In Hyderabad the police are taking precautions as well, since this is the Silicon Valley of India, and so there are increased check posts, and our huge work party scheduled for yesterday at the 5 star hotel The Taj Deccan was cancelled for security reasons. These are just precautions, and although I disagree with stopping your life because of terrorists, I think that Hyderabad is probably quite safe from any attacks. And outside of this incident, I still stand by the fact that India is a safe place to travel to.

So, although I am safe from harm and far from these events, there are many people who lost their lives (125), 6 of these being foreigners and 14 being police officers. The attacks are still continuing, and so please pray for those still being held hostage and pray these attacks end soon.

Pay it forward

2008-11-24T17:56:00.006+05:30

This weekend, I did a few things I feel really good about. Now I didn't do them so i could come and write about them in my blog. I Just wanted to share my story, so that maybe it might inspire others to pay it forward too.

Muscles and I stopped at a sandwich wrap counter (absolutely delicious), and he ordered a chicken 65 wrap and I ordered an egg and spicy chicken tandoori wrap. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted an old man, homeless an sick. He had a huge tumour on his back. I couldn't see it, as it was just a massive lump under his shirt. He was politely asking me for money. Now here in India, people aren't so polite about begging. While Muscles and I are stopped at an intersection people come to us, beg, cry, touch my feet, legs, arms (and it drives me crazy), and sometimes they carry their babies with them to make it even worse. Of course I feel bad and sad and want to help, who wouldn't. But Muscles tells me that a lot of the time when we don't give money they will scream out "asshole, whore, and bitch" to me. Being western doesn't help, I guess. I don't like to give money, I prefer to give food or clothes or something else. Many homeless people get their children to beg for them and who knows what they use the money for. I've been known to buy fresh lime juice from the street vendors for many of the children who beg me for money.

Anyway this old man, had a sad face, but wasn't being overly aggressive. So I ordered him an egg wrap sandwich and gave it to him. He could barely look me in the eye as I gave it to him and a tear formed in one of his eyes. He walked away without saying thank you, but I know it's because of his pride, and I know he was thankful. Muscles told me with a look of love in his eyes that his mother does the same thing.

Last night Muscles and I went to City Centre, a pretty nice "mall" in Banjara Hills and there is this little girl that I fell in love with who works outside. Yes, she works. She is there from about 7pm to midnight and sometimes later (to get the crowds out of the bar). She's about 7 or 8 years old, clean, beautiful and happy! Her English is quite good and I think she goes to school during the day. Her job is selling packs of gum at double the price than what you can buy them for in the stores. They sell for about 5 rupees (10 cents or so) and she sells them for 15-20 rupees. She is neither aggressive nor annoying. She is the sweetest girl and I want to take her home with me every time I see her. She always greets me with a huge hug, and I have even taken her for a ride on my scooter. I took her around the block while she sat at the back screaming and waving to people. Then when i told her to sit down, she said "chill out, are you worried or something?" HAHA. So I went with it. She is courageous and happy and although my heart breaks for her, I do realize we are born into the life we have. She is making the best of it.
Anyway, last night she greeted me with a big hug and shook Muscles hand (such a little lady), and told me her birthday was on January 22nd and she wanted to see me. Muscles bought a pack of gum from her, and I ran in to the McDonald's and bought her a strawberry shake. When I gave it to her she hugged me tight, and then ran off to greet another potential gum buying customer. She has made many friends there and everyone keeps their eyes out for her, to make sure she is OK. When i went to sleep last night, she was the last thought on my mind. She is so full of life happy, and trusting. I don't pray often, but I found myself praying for her to have a good life and for God to keep her safe. This little girl has touched my heart.

Living in India has made me a better person, it has opened my eyes to the world and to a culture so different from my own. I am thankful every single day that i was given the strength, courage, and drive to do what i am doing. My parents, although it breaks my Mom's heart that I am so far away from home, are the main reason for who I am and what I'm doing. They always said to set my sights high and that I can do anything I want as long as I work hard. They told me to live my life on my own terms.
I am a better person for this experience. So many people told me that going to India would change my life, and for a while I was like, "what the hell does that mean?" It has changed my life, but I wasn't looking in the right place. I was expecting this huge life altering experience to happen, but it's the small things that have changed me.

You don't need to leave home or travel to India to change your life, nor do you have to wait for some life altering event to happen to you. You just have to look for the small things, like I did.

The most frequent compliment I get

2008-11-18T14:56:00.004+05:30

Although I always receive compliments about the way I'm dressed or how I look, there is one constant compliment I get regularly from both women and men. They are fascinated by something I wear that is my signature, if you will. Most of you who know me, might have already guessed what this could be.

My earrings!

People compliment me daily. One guy asked me if I could buy him some of the same kind of earrings, give them to him so he can gift them to his girlfriend. Now Indians are not shy about wearing jewelery, especially bangles and ankle bracelets and nose rings. But their earrings are usually understated and small. Mine are large, all kinds if interesting shapes, designs and colours (although I wear mostly silver). It's not so easy to find funky earrings here, so I do miss going to Le Chateau, Dynamite and Aldo accessories for my fix of earrings.

When I tell people that my Mom picks out a lot of my earrings, they are shocked. I usually tell them, that my mom is super cool with great taste and I always get a few pair of earrings as goodies in my Christmas stocking. One pair in particular which my Dad bought me get the most compliments. They LOVE that my dad has picked earrings out for me, and I tell them my dad loves when I wear big earrings.

Everyone wants to know where they can get these earrings. Canada my friends! :)

Here are some pics of my favourite earrings!!!

I love my earrings, there is pair here my sister and her husband bought me on their honeymoon in St. Lucia. I get so many compliments on them. They are made out of coconut. They are the brown ones up top they also come with a matching bracelet. One pair is from my best friend's sister, another my mom picked out, which are the large silver ones that every person says are the same size as wrist bangles (hehe), and a few pair I bought myself.

These are the earrings my dad picked out! I love them!!! They are so long they almost touch my shoulders!! They look terrific with my hair up!

Pictures

2008-11-18T14:30:00.006+05:30

Here are some pictures taken from the last two weekends.

I went to a birthday party two weekends ago and my friends live in a gorgeous apartment block overlooking high tech city and what is called the Secret Lake. Here are some pictures of the view.

This is actually the building I work in. The larger of the two buildings that is behind the smaller building. It's called I-Labs and it houses GE Money and Hyundai.

Muscles took me out Saturday to this place I have never been called The Waterfront. It was a beautiful spot by the water where you can get some snacks and small meals and sit by the water. He took me to see the new James Bond movie Quantum and Solace, and then to this romantic spot. There is a road off in the distance called Necklace road, and it is called that, because when all the lights are lit up it looks like the lake is wearing a necklace. Looks beautiful, but difficult to capture on camera.

Me before Muscles picked me up for our Saturday date.

He looks pensive, but he is actually watching the football match (soccer) on the tv. The view is gorgeous behind him (which is what I was trying to capture) hehe!

More of the view

The food options. The "sodaz" place had awesome sweet lime soda and blueberry soda. It's freshed squeezed lime with soda water and some sugar. Dee-lish. Now not sure what they used for blueberry flavour cause there is not a blueberry to be found here.

A girl with a big heart!

2008-11-14T15:43:00.003+05:30

Yesterday, right before i was about to head home, one of my agents (I'll call her big heart) who I have begun training came to see me with big tears in her eyes. She wanted someone to talk to so i was flattered she felt she could come to me.
She has been having ear infections for the last 6 months and when she started to take calls as part of her training her ear acted up again and she was having major pains. The doctor has her on medication but also told her she would need to take 2 months off while her ear healed. This meant she had to take a leave from the company and wait it out.
To most people, I guess this would seem like no big deal. But this is where she is different. She lives with her mom who is a single parent (I have no idea the circumstances here), but in India it's a big deal!! She has put her studies on hold and is attending weekend classes so she can help support her mother. The government doesn't work like Canada and the US, so her options are limited 9in terms of gov't assistance). She kept saying over and over again, while crying, how she needs this job. I tried to comfort her and tell her that her mom would understand. But what she said next just broke my heart. She said her mom would tell her it was fine, then her mother would end up having sleepless nights crying to herself about how she had put her daughters in this situation. Her twin sister also has the same ear problems and is working in another company.
I asked Big Heart if there were options (restaurants or something) and she said you needed a degree for most jobs here. Say what?? To work at Subway or a restaurant you need a degree/diploma in hotel management. I guess there are so many people they need to have a system to weed people out. Kind of crazy if you ask me. Where would I have been during University without my Tim Horton's job (love the coffee hated working there), my retail job selling clothes at Jacob (loved that job-50% off clothes baby), and call center jobs. Which big heart is trying to do to help her mother. But now she can't.

It's just sad. And it made me realize the opportunities I was given growing up and how lucky I am for my own family situation. A loving mother and father who both worked and provided for my sister and I the best they could, while also teaching us the value of a dollar. I feel like I was a spoiled child when I hear stories like this. I have no idea how to help Big Heart, but I am going to ask around and see what can be done. She is a sweet girl just trying to help her mom, and in India, helping your parents is number one!!!

Highlights of my Monday November 10th

2008-11-11T14:50:00.002+05:30

1. Forced myself to get out of bed at 12:30pm (remember I'm on a wacky schedule). I've been really tired lately because I've been working 10-12 hour days at work. And it's definitely not sitting behind a desk, I'm up and down and around and constantly moving. Once I was awake I had strong milky sweet coffee, toast and nutella for breakfast and watched a downloaded episode of CSI. LOVE the Internet, my little pieces of home make me so happy. And who doesn't love a little Gil Grissom.
2. Worked out at home, I'm on week 5 and phase 2 of the P90x work out. Today was back and biceps and wow what a work out it is. I've never done chin ups in my life and here I am having to do 5 different kinds. I have to use a chair with one leg on it mind you. Then I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. My place smelled like a swimming pool I used so much bleach. I like to leave the windows open, but there is just so much dust and sand that sweeping my apartment felt like cleaning a construction site.
3. Washed my clothes by hand. I put it off last week because I had one hell of a lazy week last week (but was working way too much), so I had an extra large load to do. And after working out my biceps squeezing and wringing out the clothes was no walk in the park.
4. I found Kraft Dinner on the weekend at the 'dollar store" when I was out with Muscles and so I made that for dinner. I ate the whole darn pot of it too! I don't even eat Kraft dinner in Canada, but I'm getting a little tired of cooking elaborate Indian meals, so this was the perfect fix. It was three cheese too, so it was extra tasty.
5. Went to work early, because I had to leave for an hour and half for Hindi lessons. So I went at 6pm, was able to meet an agent and do two feedbacks with her. I listen to two of her recorded calls and score them on a voice and soft skills perspective and do some coaching. I was also able to send both my bosses my reports from last week (I work for two portfolio's: the Canadian HBC and the American auto club).
6. I also had some time to work on this PowerPoint I'm working on breaking down various call scenarios from an American perspective. What time means to us, what being stranded on an interstate is like in a snow blizzard (Indians just can't imagine this) so it's my job to help them understand these kinds of scenarios. Also, most people live with their families here so if for some reason their car broke down and the children were due to come home any minute, their mother or grandmother would be home to greet them. Americans don't particularly have this option. So the agents need to understand what is at stake when an American is stranded.
7. Went to my Hindi class at my friends place. There are 3 of us studying and it's coming along, but it takes a hole lot of memory work and using the new phrases and practicing them every day. I work entirely in English, all my friends speak English.I practice with Muscles but still, it is so easy to revert to English. English is probably his first language, so he is almost more comfortable speaking it. So when people ask me (and they always ask me) "say something in Hindi," this is seriously the most annoying thing to hear. I mean talk about being put on the spot. So now I just say "Mei rosana Hindi seek rahi-hoon" I'm learning more Hindi everyday. it's a well formed sentence and so most people are super impressed and leave me alone after that. if that doesn't work I say "Chup baith rai," which means "be quiet dude!" (a gentler way to say shut up) HAHA. Also for the beggars who insist on touching my feet and legs for me to give them money I have my arsenal sentence of "Hath Matt lagau" (Don't touch me). But I was told I say it too sweetly and I need to firm that up a bit. It's hard to sound angry when you're thinking about the right Hindi word to say and pronouncing it right. It will come.
8. Got back to work by 9pm, and worked like a slave for 3 hours with the auto club, then went down to HBC where there was an inter-portfolio competition. They are given a theme and have to decorate the floor, dress up in costumes, and act out the theme. HBC was given Native American and Pilgrims (score)! If you know me you'd know my grandfather (my dad's step-dad) is native Canadian and my aunts and uncles are also (My Dad's half brother's and sisters). So I planned with them all last week. And wow, they outdid themselves. I taught them about tee pees, dream catchers, how to dress, native dancing and drumming and hunting. I wish I could take pictures (no cameras on the floor). We all wore headbands with feathers, had our faces painted with native make-up, wore cool native looking clothes and jewellery. The tee pee they made was awesome, and a group of people danced around a made-up fire to drums. It was awesome.
9. This is a major competition and they have 4 themes over the month of November and the winner will be awarded and awesome prize at the annual town hall (aka work party) the company holds every year on American Thanksgiving. Everyone takes it really seriously. The other portfolios got such easy themes (Hawaiian, New York nights, Casino Royal). So I was pretty proud of our team. It was a hard one. I think there are some people who took pictures in the lobby with their camera phones, so I'll try and track down some pictures.
10. After waiting an agonizing hour, we got the news that HBC won the competition!! Woo hoo! next up winter wonderland. Come on!! With me on their team HBC has this one in the bag. I am winter!!!! Left work feeling so exhausted but happy with our teams win. Literally fell into bed by 4:30am.

The big reveal and a telegu love song

2008-11-06T17:34:00.002+05:30

Well, I've decided to reveal the secret, I'm going to tell you which Canadian call center company I work with.

Are you ready????

It's HBC!!!!!! And I love it. Gap and Paypal are also in the building I work in as well, although I don't work with these groups. I technically work for GE Money, but these companies all fall under GE.

I thought it would be fun for you all to know (my friends and family) that when you call to activate your new HBC mastercard or call about HBC, you'll be calling where I work, and speak with agents I train, I might even be sitting next to them. Here's a hint, I'm usually with this group Monday-Friday at 230pm-4:30pm (EST time).

Yesterday while working with HBC, one of the agents started singing to me in Telegu (the state language). I had no idea what he was singing but apparently it was about him taking my exam of love with me being the love teacher and him being the student. Ya, I have no idea.

This is how the rest of the conversation went:

Mr. romance (obviously not his real name): "lalalalalala" (this is my cheap imitation of his singing in a language I don't understand).
me: "Mr. Romance, are you on a call?"
Mr. Romance: "Ya, Shelley, but it's a nice song"
Me: "Are you waiting to transfer the customer or something"?
Mr. romance: "No"
Me: Is the customer on hold????"
Mr. Romance: "Yes, I put her on hold to sing you the song"
Me: "What!! Don't do that.....get back to the customer, are you crazy?"
Mr. Romance: "Sorry for keeping you hold Ma'am.....how can I help you today?"

So next time you call HBC and the agent puts you on hold, he might just be signing me a Telegu love song. HAHAHA!!

Hand washing my clothes and the # 3 thing I miss from home

2008-11-03T14:40:00.004+05:30

When I first moved into my new apartment, the thought of washing my own clothes all by hand seemed so primal and Indian and I was excited about doing it all by myself. Most working people here hire a maid to do this for them, or buy a washing machine (seems so exotic here). But I'm stubborn and refuse to pay someone to clean my place, wash my clothes and cook for me, when I have a lot of time to do it myself, and know when I do it, it gets done right. When I lived with Timothy, he had a maid and she did my laundry, and ruined a pair of white shorts and a pink tank top because she put a couple of turquoise never been washed dish towels in the same pail.
I was livid.

The novelty of washing my clothes in a bucket has now officially worn off. Have you ever tried washing a large fleece blanket in a bucket? I need to sit down and catch my breath after wringing the water out of the damn thing, never mind trying to get all the soap out of it! It's a nightmare. The next day I feel like I have carpal tunnel from all the wrist action I use. But I have to wash my blankets often, there is so much dust that comes in to my apartment, because of all the new buildings going up around me. And India generally is a dusty place.

On the plus side, no need to do any cardio exercise on laundry days. So if you're bored running on a treadmill, wash your linens in a bucket of tide and warm water.

So that brings me to the #3 thing I miss from home: A washing machine!

Pictures: and Indian sky and me!

2008-11-02T14:21:00.004+05:30

Here are some pictures I took and thought I'd post. The sky was gorgeous a few nights ago so I took some shots. I'll let the pics do the talking.....

Taken from my small balcony

This was taken a few weeks ago at my work retreat.

The homes just outside my balcony. It's sad, but the children seem very happy.

The Indian sunset...gorgeous

The awesomness of TGIF

2008-11-02T13:44:00.004+05:30

Muscles and I went to TGIF last night, and it was awesome! When we walked in, I got that tingly feeling of some semblance of home. Except the waiters were Indian men wearing cowboy hats. But it put a smile on my face, nevertheless. Also, awesome rock music was playing in the background, which both Muscles and I love. There were a few other "western" people in the restaurant and they all had large grins on their faces and seemed to be enjoying their time too. I had heard one white guy (most likely American) say to the waiter, "we drove by every few days to see when this place would be open." I guess I'm not the only one excited for TGIF. For some reason I felt bad for wanting and craving food from home, but Muscles reminded me that if he were in America or Canada and there weren't any Indian restaurants around and then one suddenly opened up, he'd be lined up waiting for it to be opened and excited about eating there too. In Korea there were many western restaurants I could go to to get my fix, but this is really the first chain to open up in Hyderabad. There are a couple of western style places, but the prices are ridiculous and the food a little more fancy. TGIF reminds me of going to the Outback or Kelsey's, which I only do rarely at home and expect to once and a while here too (maybe) . I pretty much wanted everything on the menu, but that wasn't possible. I haven't had a salad in over 6 months too, as they are difficult to come by here. So I vowed to go back soon and have a chicken caesar salad. A tear almost came to my eye when I saw that on the menu. But I was craving a burger. A big juicy burger. And a burger is what I got, with cheese and bacon. First I checked with Muscles about my eating pork (it's been over 6 months since I ate pork, and him being Muslim I wanted to make sure it was OK). He had no issues with it and he just wanted me to be happy. HAHA. He knew denying me bacon on my cheeseburger would put me in pout mode. But he is not like that and would never ask me to not to do something. OK he did admit, if I ordered the rack of pork ribs that might make him uncomfortable. He ordered sirloin steak and mashed potatoes, and I had to cut my burger it was so huge. Both of us were in beef heaven!!! Beef is so darn hard to find here, so it was nice to have some options. The portions were huge and lived up to the North American standard, and Muscles was impressed. That guy can eat, but he works out a lot so he needs to. Then afterwards, Muscles coaxed me to order some dessert. He was treating me to dinner, cause he knew how much I've been craving food from home. So who am I to say no to dessert? I ordered the brownie and ice cream, and I am so glad we ordered only one, because what we got was a colossal 3 layer brownie tower with ice cream. It was so tall the brownies were wavering and threatening to fall over. Even the other table of 3 westerners looked over and gave us the thumbs up, and I replied "You can tell this is an American chain" and we all had a good laugh. Then I looked at Muscles and said, "No wonder North Americans are so fat." Seriously, I am so not used to these portion sizes. He paid me no attention because he was too busy stuffing his face with brownie. Between the two of us, we still couldn't finish the dessert. But we both had a great time and vowed to go back soon, there's a whole menu waiting for me to dig into. The prices were OK. We've been to more expensive places, but this was somewhat reasonable. For the burger platter, sirloin steak, dessert and bottle of mineral water, the price was 1300 rupees, which is about $30 cdn (no tip required). For India that is very expensive. I can spend that much much on 2-3 weeks of groceries. But once in a while you need to splurge, plus I was going crazy craving food from home.
I really can't believe I wrote a whole post on TGIF. Oh well, goes to show what little things make you happy living away from home. Here are some pics of me and Muscles, of course me looking really darn happy to be there!

Some random thoughts-comments

2008-11-01T14:26:00.003+05:30

I've finally ran out of the two containers of Body Shop Body Butter i brought with me. Sad sad day. With no Body Shop to buy more, I'm going to have to settle for some other kind of skin cream. I know, it's just cream, but Body Butter makes my skin feel like a newborn baby's bottom. I love the stuff, and I'm sad that it's all gone.
I'm convinced that my friends have all disappeared off the face of the earth, or their computers have either been, destroyed, or stolen. Where are you guys??? I'm still waiting for replies from emails I wrote weeks ago! I'm not asking you to sit down and write me a 7 page letter, walk to post office and mail it. Just send me a message on facebook, or on Yahoo messenger, or text me. Whatever. It will take a few minutes of your time, but will mean the world to me. There are a few exceptions here of course.....I have heard from a few of you.
Thought it was really funny when I overheard an agent saying "Happy Halloween to you too ma'am" and then putting the customer on hold, looking over at me, and asking "Shelley, what's Halloween?" I take it for granted that everyone knows what these holidays are. So i sat down and sent out an email about Halloween, so now we're having a Halloween day on Monday, with dressing up and decorating. OK, so it will be November 3rd, but it's the effort from the agents to understand Canadian/American holidays that I love!
Going to TGIF for dinner tonight. It opened on Monday, and I'm sure the prices will be ridiculous and the place will be packed. But who cares! I'm looking for some greasy North American food. Although I love Indian food, I need a break from the curry. A long break.
On week 4 of the P90x work out that I started. 90 because it's 90 days x because it's intense. It's a 6 day a week workout at home (I bought some weights, a yoga mat and some stretch exercise bands). It incorporates some cardio, and weights, yoga, pilates and ab exercises. I love working out at home. I've already seen a huge difference in my body and am seeing ab lines for the first time since I was 13. HAHA. I took before pics....so after 90 days if i think the changes are quite noticeable I'll post them. If I get enough courage.
I've started studying Hindi. I go twice a week for a total of 3 hours with 2 other western girls and an Indian tutor. I find it really funny though how people think I should be speaking it fluent already!!! Just because Indians pick up languages like nothing and speak no less than 3 doesn't mean I'll be fluent in a month!!! Come on! Most people speak English here so I get lazy and don't practice it. My tutor thinks I'm picking it up really quickly and says it's because i speak French and also studied Korean. Probably true, but don't bet I'll be speaking it like an Indian anytime soon.
I've at the half way point of my contract in India, and I'm definitely seeing a pattern comparable to my time in Korea. Culture shock hit me around 6 months in Korea and is hitting me now. The cute, cool stuff has worn off and certain things are starting to annoy me. The staring, the feeling like you are a caged monkey and amusement for everyone, and so on and so forth. It will wear off, but it's good to know it's not really about the country I'm in, but more so the fact that I'm away from my own country and all that I'm familiar with.
I'm tired of my wardrobe. The seasons never change here, well I think they never change even though every Indian keeps telling me the changes are quite noticeable. But regardless, they never change enough that I have to change the clothes I'm wearing. I miss boots and jackets, and today I'm wearing open toed shoes, jeans and a t-shirt. One exception is I will bring a sweater for night cause it will get down to about 16. I love being able to buy winter, spring, summer and fall clothes. When I come home to Canada, my summer wardrobe is going to rock!! Too bad summer is only 3 months long.....
I taught a sensitivity seminar a few months back about how to treat eldery customers with respect. I spoke about my grandmother who defies all the rules of aging. Yesterday one of the agents asked about my grandmother (a lovely gesture) and about her boyfriend Fred whom I also mentioned. And I was so proud to say that she is cruising around the Caribbean with her boyriend, living her life exactly the way it should be and how I want to live it. She's 84, and my hero. I love you nanny, you have so much courage and zest for life, and all of your grandchildren and children are so lucky to have learnt this lesson from you! Keep rocking it!

Highlights of my day

2008-10-29T03:30:00.002+05:30

Here are some highlights of my day for October 28th.

Woke up to the loud popping noises of firecrackers, it's Diwali here and it's non-stop popping action, all day all night.
Ate peanut butter and honey on whole wheat toast and made strong, sweet, milky coffee.
Watched a downloaded episode of Friday Night Lights (best show ever).
Did an hour and a half of yoga.
Went to work on the Diwali holiday because they needed floor coverage, so I get tomorrow off instead.
Decided to wear a saree to work today as Diwali is a big holiday and everyone dresses up.
Had one of my friends at work tie the saree for me. Showing your lower back and midriff at work feels really really weird. What ever happened to showing good ol' cleavage.
Got so many compliments about my saree, and admittedly I loved every minute of it. Especially when one of my agents told me I had such a lovely figure. The thumbs up and compliments from the cute men at work didn't hurt either.
Getting a free meal, because all those who worked Diwali were provided one by the company. Butter chicken, aloo curry, dal, and roti tastes so much better when it's free.
The best compliment of all though, came from Muscles who told me that he was the luckiest guy in the world to be dating me! I told him not to get used to me wearing a saree, those things are not comfortable, especially at work.
Coming home, and digging into the bag of sweet chili Doritos I bought at the 99 rupee shop on Sunday. I rarely eat Doritos at home, but when you come across a gem like this, you have to snatch it up. If I eat 5 Doritos a day I can make the bag last a long time. Who knows when I'll find them again.

Am I truly Canadian if....

2008-10-28T03:49:00.005+05:30

The weather has been absolutely beautiful here lately. The days are a breezy 28-29 degrees and the nights get down to around 17 or so degrees.
But I have to admit, I'm freezing, especially on the back of a motorcycle. On Saturday night, Muscles and I went for dinner and drove back to my place around 11:30pm (people here eat much later and most restaurants aren't open for dinner until after 7pm). Anyway, I wore a sweater and he wore a long sleeve shirt over a t-shirt. I was so damn cold I urged him to drive faster just so we could get home quicker. Pretty soon I'll be buying mittens and a scarf. How pathetic am I?
Then when we got back to my apartment, we put a DVD in my laptop, turned all the fans off in the house, bundled under a blanket, and complained about how cold it was. All I could think of was hot chocolate and a fireplace. And it was 16 degrees out!!
Then Muscles tells me point blankly what a shitty Canadian I make and thought we lived in igloos and stuff over there. Of course he was joking, but still. I was embarrassed, I was acting like such a wuss.

Man, I'm going to need to suck it up and tell people I'm dying of heat when it's 16 degrees out, or someone is going to take my passport away. Gotta take one for the team...and by team I mean Canadians!

Diwali :The Festival of lights

2008-10-25T13:41:00.004+05:30

Last year I was in Goa backpacking for Diwali, and I remember lots of fireworks and people mulling about. It seems to be the biggest Hindu festival celebrated, probably comparable to Christmas for us in the west and Ramadan (Ramazan) and Eid for Muslims. Diwali is celebrated on the first day of the kartick lunar calendar and can fall in October or November. I also just remembered that I was with my good friend Manon in Kuala Lumpur Malaysia in October 2005 for Diwali. Malaysia also has a large Indian population, and I remember seeing so many beautiful lights while I was there.

Diwali is the festival of lights, where the lights signify good over evil with every human being. Now I'm not Hindu, but this seems like a fun festival to celebrate. Whether you are Hindu, Muslim or Christian, I think the premise of good over evil is something we can all relate to. However, only Hindu's actually celebrate this festival. For the last week the neighbours have been lighting firecrackers and they scare the crap out of me. That's how people celebrate it here, they light firecrackers and candles.

How will I be celebrating Diwali?? I get 2 days off from work!!! That's celebration enough for me!! Muscles is Muslim and I'm Christian so we'll keep it low key and enjoy and watch fireworks. But the city is usually in chaos during festival times, and most of the time it's just better to stay home or close to home rather than stuck in the crazy amounts of traffic that will pile up during this time.

I have attached a few pictures of Diwali when I was in Malaysia. I haven't yet seen anything quite like that here, but I haven't been through the city yet since I work nights. Perhaps this weekend I'll roam around and see if I can get some pictures. But for now you can enjoy these ones taken a few years back of Diwali in Malaysia. These pictures are courtesy of Manon, because I lost a lot of my pictures when my laptop was stolen a few years back. Sad, but true story.

NB** Manon just reminded me that the first photo is actually of Diwali in Singapore, the second one is in KL, Malaysia. We were also in Singapore for Diwali and actually stayed in little India while we were there!
Thanks Manon for the reminder!!

And PS.....

2008-10-19T19:33:00.003+05:30

When I write the things I miss about home, I hope you all assume (and by all I mean friends and family) that I miss you the most...more than Tim Horton's or wine, or food. I mean come on.

But that is and should be a given. My heart aches for my family and friends all the time, and leaving the country makes me value you all the more. But missing you is also what makes me stronger, and I'm thankful every day for this amazing opportunity. It's not what everyone would choose for their life, but I'm happy with the way I'm living mine.

So I miss you all......even more than Tim Horton's..but just barely.

Just kidding!!!!!

10 things about him

2008-10-19T18:32:00.003+05:30

I figure it's about time to share a few more tidbits about the guy in my life, Muscles. I didn't want to share too much until I knew we were past the beginning stages of the relationship, and now that it has been almost 3 months since we started dating (I've known him for about 5 months), i think it's time to let you in on how we met and other tidbits. I can't exactly have a blog about my life here and leave out the most important part, now can I????

Here are 10 things to know about Muscles and me:

1. When we met, we disliked each other very much. I thought he was too into himself, and he thought I was a snob.
2. After about a month of bumping into each other (he was Timothy's friend), we developed a friendship and would talk and text each other every day.
3. I was dating someone else at the time when Muscles realized he liked me more than a friend. He has always been honest with me, so he told me that he had a crush on me, but he respected the relationship I was in, and wouldn't pressure me either way. But he remained a constant in my life and i soon realized I wanted to speak to him and hang out with him more than the guy I was currently dating. Kind of a sign, don't you think???!!!
4. This is the first guy who has really pursued me. No games, no headaches wondering if he would call. My friend Amanda and my mom always told me, when you meet the right guy it will just be easy. And it was and still is. It felt great for a guy to do the work for a change, and ladies it does matter, the guy likes to chase, so don't allow yourself to get caught too soon.
5. Muscles and I can talk for hours on end without getting bored. His English is better than most westerners, and we have so much in common.
6. Our first date was the one of the more traditional ones I had had in the LONGEST time. He picked me up on his motorcycle, took me to his favourite cafe, Mocha, (because he heard me complain about the lack of good coffee in India). The coffee is the best at this place, hands down!! Then he took me to his favourite Chinese restaurant, and then he dropped me off at home. It felt amazing to have things done the "right" way!!!
7. Muscles is Muslim. And I am learning so much about Islam, the things that ARE NOT written in the media. Islam is very similar to Christianity and Muslims follow the Old testament of the Bible which is the Quran. Of course there are similarities but everything you think you know about Islam has probably been so jaded and misinterpreted by the American media. Are there things about Islam I disagree with? Yes, there are. But there are things I disagree with in Christianity, Hinduism, and Judaism as well. His mother is an English Professor working on her PhD and wrote her thesis on feminism. So even she has issues with certain aspects of Islam, but it's important for us to question our religion, and ask questions. But his mother and sister do not wear Burqa's around the city. That is a woman's choice. Some countries like Saudi Arabia and Iran are more strict about those rules of course. Muscles does a great job in answering all the questions I have about his religion.
8. Muscles has been raised well, by a good family with strict rules, with importance placed on treating women with respect. I have never been treated so well by any guy, apart from my father, who holds the standard to treating women well, in my opinion. He still treats my mother like a queen after 37 years of marriage.
9. Muscles is handy. He can fix a computer, fix his motorcycle to a certain extent, and he takes such good care of me, that I'm probably becoming pampered. He won't let me do anything by myself (not in a possessive way). He just tries his best to make my life here in India a little easier, because sometimes getting things done here can be very complicated. He loves how independent I am, but also loves that he is needed...by me.
10. Muscles is younger than me. Quite a bit younger. I struggled with this at the beginning, but what can you do? You can't help these things sometimes. The guy pursued me, not the other way around. I relented after I realized that life is just too short to follow societies rules as to what is right and wrong. You should do what feels right! And I'm extremely happy I did!!!!

So there it is folks, a little peek into the window of my personal life in India.

# 2: Things I miss from home

2008-10-15T14:38:00.004+05:30

I really miss Tim Horton's coffee. There I said it. I wouldn't be Canadian if I didn't miss my large double double.
A few of the Indian managers from the Canadian portfolio I work for went to Canada for 2 weeks in June, and they even tried Tim Horton's and miss it too. All they could talk about was the large double double coffee they had, and bagels. They were fascinated with the bagels!! I have yet to see a bagel in this country.
Oh man, a toasted cinnamon raisin bagel with light cream cheese and a double double, a simple pleasure that makes me so happy.

I miss you Tim Horton's!!!!

I may be living in India, but I'm still Canadian

2008-10-15T14:19:00.004+05:30

59% voter turn out in yesterdays election, is absolutely pitiful!!! The lowest voter turnout in Canadian history!!! I live in India and I still managed to vote!!!

I really really get tired of hearing that all the politicians suck and so by having to choose one, is like picking your poison. Get online to read about the parties platform, read the newspaper, watch the news. There is just no excuse for not voting!!
Women, I'm talking to you now, we have had to fight for the right to vote! Although women were given the right to vote in 1918, other factors such as race, and religion prevented others to vote for another 50 years! Women didn't fight for our rights to vote by having us sit on our ass and say "I just don't know who to vote for," or "all the politicians just lie anyway." That's a bunch of crap.
I hate it more than anything when people complain about the laws, and the taxes and the politicians in general when they didn't even cast a vote. You don't have a right to complain!!

The sad thing is, that the American election is less than a month away and I am pretty sure more Canadians care about the fate of that election more than the one that just happened in their own country.
That's just sad and shameful. Change will never happen if you don't exercise your right to vote!

I'm not even going to comment on the conservatives winning a muscular minority. That's a whole other issue.

I'll get off my soapbox now!

Anecdote # 7 for riding your scooter (in India)

2008-10-09T17:57:00.005+05:30

If there is even a hint of darkness in the sky- I don't even care if it's the sunniest day but in the distance you see a patch of dark cloud, don't decide to go out and run errands. It will rain on you. And it will rain hard.

Scooters are awesome- when it's NOT raining.

Vizag beach vacation: pictures

2008-10-08T13:43:00.011+05:30

Here are some pics of the vacation Muscles and i took to Vizag. We had a lovely time and mostly hung out on the beach, it was a short trip and since it took 12 hours to get there and back we didn't want to spend all our time running around. We just wanted to chill out!

Vizag is the second largest city in the state of Andra Pradesh but compared to Hyderabad, it was so much more laid back, had much less traffic and dust and way more humidity since Vizag is a coastal city on the Bay of Bengal. The city pretty much shuts down after after about 9:30pm, but after frolicking in the ocean and the sun all day, we were pretty much exhausted.

There weren't many other western tourists around on the beach although there were plenty of Indian tourists, the men swimming in their brief bikini underwear (gross) and the women swim or just walk around in the shallow waters in their Salwars. And then there was me, in a bikini. I didn't go into the water too much as the Ocean was quite aggressive and had large waves. You couldn't go too deep as the currents had the potential to pull you in, so we just went in to cool off. I did meet three westerners, who are in high school studying in Vizag on a 4 month program with their schools. Two were from California and the other was from Guadalajara Mexico. What a terrific opportunity these teenagers are getting by spending 4 months abroad studying. They aren't loving India too much as being a teenager can suck here, but they certainly are getting a taste of a different culture. They live with host Indian families and are not used to the very strict restraints put on them. Anyway, if i have kids, I'd love for them to have this kind of an opportunity!!

Here are some pics to give you an idea of what it was like there, 4 days on the beach just wasn't enough, but it was still nice to go and chill out for a little while.

Our cottage style hotel for the weekend

i actually saw a few guys surfing. The waves were huge! But I have no idea where they got their surfboards from. We couldn't find any surf boards or boogey boards to save our lives!

I can't believe they said that......

2008-10-07T21:32:00.006+05:30

I am going to attest to the fact that I was very surprised when I came to India and realized the level of English spoken here, and that all business work places function primarily in English. Oh, stop you all believed the stereotypes too. And not every Indian speaks like Apu (seriously Wikipedia rocks) from the Simpson's. The accents are more British in nature than anything else. Read this to learn more about the stereotypes conveyed through the character Apu. Although yes, some do have the stereotypical Indian accent (but those are mostly northern Indians from the state of Punjab). I consider myself well traveled and was somewhat embarrassed by my lack of knowledge about India and Indians and then pleased to learn all these new facts from a business perspective. I actually give a seminar on stereotypes and I teach the new agents about distinguishing from stereotypes and fact. As I have to teach others about American/Canadian culture, it's important they understand the difference between generalizing, stereotypes, and what they read in the media.

However, that does not mean that there aren't some darn funny things that are said because of MTI, which translates into mother tongue influence or "Indianisms" as it is sometimes referred to but isn't so politically correct. Most of the agents do have a terrific grasp of the English language but English still is their second language so sometimes there are some barriers.

Here are some very funny examples of MTI. Hope you find them as funny as I do, but then again, I guess you also had to be there to get the full effect.

Example #1: Mock call assessment: After the agents spend 6 weeks in training the voice team (that's me and another person) give the agents their voice assessment. We look for soft skills and voice. Soft skills are showing empathy to the client, listening well, customer service, how they open and close the call, effective interaction. Voice will include intonation, pronunciation,grammar, scripted voice and fluency.

Agent: Welcome to the auto club, how may I help you today?
me: I hit a deer and I'll need a tow as soon as possible
Agent: Oh. Ma'am how is the car?
me: How is the car????? The car is in bad shape, but I'M FINE!!!

Doh. Needless to say the guy didn't get too good of a mark. Yes he empathized, but with the car not the person. We still get a kick about this one at work.

Example #2: Mock call assessment: This agent shouldn't have been hired in the first place. So this is how her assessment went down. I use idioms sometimes in the call to give agents a taste of things they might hear on a call. They are trained on this during their 6 weeks. I spend 8 hours with them!!

Agent: Thanks for calling the auto club how can I help you?
Me: I seem to be in a bit of a pickle. I ran out of gas on the interstate, and I'll need someone to deliver me some right away.
Agent: OK, Ma'am, so let me understand this? You are in a pickle shop?
Me: What? A pickle shop? No. I'm on the Interstate!!

At this point I had to mute the call while the other voice trainer and I howled with laughter, tears coming down our cheeks. The other voice trainer is Indian and knew what the idiom meant, and I hear it used by many people who call in!!! Needless to say this girl did not pass. I mean Americans will have this girl for lunch!!

Anyway, some funny stuff. I'll post more of these a little later. I have to dig deep into the memory bag for more of them, these are the two that we use in training as to WHAT NOT TO DO on a call!!!

Anecdote #12 for riding a scooter in India

2008-10-06T20:59:00.005+05:30

Never wear chap stick or sticky lip gloss and then get on your scooter in India. Or anywhere really.

Unless you want dirt for lipstick, and I guarantee you that dirt brown is not the new pink!

# 1: Things I miss from home

2008-10-06T20:53:00.003+05:30

I miss red wine! You can't find it here. And when you do find a bottle of red wine it's sweet and sugary and tastes disgusting.

I found some Italian red wine at a restaurant a few days ago, but it cost a fortune, 400 rupees for a glass, which equates to about $8.50. Not expensive, really. But when you consider the average person in India makes about $400 a month, it is very expensive.
But I bought a glass anyway, and sipped it so damn slowly, and I even made moaning noises as it went smoothly down my throat.

Waaahhh. I miss red wine!

Season confusion

2008-10-02T12:18:00.004+05:30

I had this conversation yesterday with my friend, all the while thinking I was in some bizarre universe.

Labels: "Winter's coming. My skin is all cracked and dry."
Me: starring at her oblivious "You're kidding, right? The weather has been a steady 30 degrees for months now. It barely fluctuates." ( I have NOT noticed the "seasons" changing).
Labels: Seriously, don't you feel winter coming?"
Me: "I know winter is coming when there are no more leaves on the trees, when I have to wear 15 layers to go outside, and snow is falling from the sky! Then I'll show you what chapped dry skin is!"
Labels: "Well this is India"
Me: "I KNOW!!!! But you CAN'T CALL IT WINTER! It's 30 degrees outside!!"

Seriously. When I arrived in April and it actually was summer, it was 46 degrees, and it felt like a ridiculous version of summer, then everyone kept raving about monsoon season, how the weather cools down. It still felt like summer to me, only with rain, (which most experienced this summer in Ontario anyway). And now, winter is coming, and it still feels like summer to me.

I think I'm going through season confusion. No change in season is making me a little crazy. The change of season for me, was like a new beginning, change in the clothes I wear and the sports I play. Here there are no new beginnings. You wear the same clothes, the same sandals, nothing seems to change. This is my first time living in a season-less country, and although having 30 degree weather is nice, I love the seasons, even though I bitch about winter and spring sometimes in Canada (I mean they can be harsh), I like that I live in a country that has 4 distinct seasons!

Although, I am certainly not complaining the next 4 days, as I will be going to a beach in October, and it is 30 degrees out. All is not so bad I guess.......

Vacation

2008-10-01T03:39:00.005+05:30

My first real vacation is this week. I just took 4 days off and with the weekend it gives me a nice 6 days of relaxation on the beach. We were going to go to Goa, but decided to try another Indian beach in the same state I am in already- Andra Pradesh-, called Visakhapatnam or Vizag for short, as I will call it. Now, just because it is in the same state does not mean it is any closer, it will take us 12-13 hours by bus from Hyderabad. We booked the trip a little late and couldn't get train tickets, so opted for the bus, which is pricier, but still economical. It feels like it has been a while since I've done the traveling thing, and although it will just be for about 4 days, the excitement of seeing someplace new and being close to the ocean (in this case the Bay of Bengal) on the eastern part of India, keeps me thriving!

Click here, to see some pictures and get a feel for Vizag. I'll be taking a lot of my own pictures as well, and getting some sun on my super fair skin. It's summer all year round here, but I still haven't managed to get much colour other than on my arms and some on my face. I wear sunscreen a lot and of course I cover myself up when I'm out.

We leave on Thursday and I can't wait!

Here is a map of India, I have circled Hyderabad, and Vizag in green, just to give you a visual of where I am and where I'm going. They look close together, I know, but again, this is India and places take the double the time they normally should to get there, I think it is about 650km away. Which we could probably drive in about 7 hours in Canada.

Pet Peeves!

2008-09-28T14:29:00.008+05:30

There are a few things that just irk me so much I find it hard not to tell people off. I always or usually keep my mouth shut, so I am using my blog as a way of telling these people exactly how annoying I think these things are!

People who take the elevator going up or down one floor! I hate this more than you know. When I am going from the 1st floor to the 6th floor it takes 5 minutes because we have to stop on every floor to let off someone who can't seem to walk up or down a flight of stairs! Even 2 floors crosses the line for me. I usually stare furiously at the back of their heads and I really really want to say "are you kidding me? You really could use the exercise!" My friend Labels does this all the time, and I refuse to get in the elevator with her. She always says to me, "I don't need to exercise, I can't keep weight on." This leaves me starring at her dumbfounded, while in my head I'm telling myself to keep my mouth shut!

When people say, "what happened!" This statement, question, comment, is used after everything and anything. It drives me bonkers.

Example 1
Me: "I'm not feeling well"
Colleague at work : "Why, what happened?"
Me: I don't know I'm just not feeling well, I don't know what happened!! (If I knew I'd either be a doctor or a psychic!!").

Example 2: While on the phone with Muscles, the signal breaks and one of us has to call the other back. This happens a lot.
I answer the phone.
Me: "Hello"
Muscles: "What happened"
Me: How the hell do I know? The signal broke, I didn't do anything! Stop asking me that"
Muscles: Laughs! Cause he asks me this EVERY TIME this happens and he knows it drives me crazy!

When I hand the people in the cafeteria at work a 100 rupee note to buy coffee that costs 10 rupees and they give me the change back in coupons that can only be used in the cafeteria! And what's worse is when it's a Friday and I won't even be back for 2 days. But I have a wallet full of coupons I can't use until Monday. I should have the right to get my change back in actual money, not coupons!!!! It's not like I'm returning a shirt at a department store, and they give me a credit note. It's a freaking cafeteria!
Horn honking! It's so damn irritating and people honk for the fun of it or just because they want to. Just because you have a horn doesn't mean you need to use it all the freaking time. Oh, there is a car in front of me, better honk, there is a car beside me, honk again, I see a car about 2 km's ahead of me better start honking. no one is beside me or in front of me, but better honk just in case! Stop it already.
People and not just men starring at me. I feel like saying, "Yes, Hollywood movies and the media have it right! I'm white, an easy lay, I have sex like the girls do in "American porno's," I have had 3 divorces, I am not close to my family, in fact I don't value them at all, and I'm rich!!! I wonder if i can fit that all on a t-shirt?!

Writing this post has been very therapeutic!

What are your pet peeves??? Comments please!

Reading about China

2008-09-26T17:17:00.006+05:30

I am currently reading a biographical and autobiographical novel that I have to talk about. It's blowing me away. The name of the book is Wild Swans: Three daughters of China written by Jung Chang. The author writes about her grandmother's, mother's and her own struggle through war, Japanese invasion and communism.

A particularly gruesome and cringe worthy part of the book is Chinese traditional foot binding, which men found extremely attractive and erotic, as it showed vulnerability and a need to be protected from the men. Women had to endure excruciating pain,and foot binding was a symbol of high social class, and when a woman was married the first thing the bridegroom's family did was examine a woman's feet, large feet (normal sized feet), were considered to bring shame on the husband's household. Chang writes “My grandmother’s feet had been bound when she was just two years old. Her mother, who herself had bound feet, first wound a piece of white cloth about twenty feet long round her feet, bending all the the toes, except the big toe inward and under the sole. Then she placed a large stone on the top to crush the arch, My grandmother screamed in agony and begged her to stop. Her mother had to stick a cloth into her mouth to gag her, My grandmother passed out repeatedly from the pain.” (p24). As cruel as this sounds, this was being done for the future of Chang's grandmother, as she would be considered un-attractive to men and unable to get married to a person of good social standing if her feet weren’t bound. Luckily the practice of binding women’s feet was banned in China in 1911, when the Qing Dynasty fell (pronounced Ch-ing).

Currently, this book is banned from being published in China, brought in to China, or spoken about in the media in China. The author currently lives in the UK and was the first person from the People's Republic of China (not just the first woman) to receive her PhD from a British university. The author, writes with passion about her family, which consists of women who changed things in China, exemplary examples of women who showed courage and stubbornness to not follow the rules of their society and risked their lives for their freedom and their beliefs.

For most, when the word communism comes up, the first thing that comes to mind is evil, rules and oppression, however while reading this book (I am only 170 pages in of 500 pages), I find myself rooting for the communist to a certain extent, because things are just so bad while under the rule of the Japanese and the Kuomintang military that when the communist take power, things in China begin to change for the good. Women were being raped and sold as concubines by their families to the Kuomintang military (Chinese) and severely beaten and tortured by the Japanese. Now I understand the hate and rivalry that exists among Chinese and Koreans against the Japanese. When I lived in South Korea, that contempt was ever present, even in young Korean minds, although they were too young to have lived through that pain. History definitely lives on through stories told by their grandparents and in their history books.
When the communists take power their beliefs are that women and men are equal and should be treated as such. And for the first time women were able to educate themselves and make their own choices. However, communism comes at a price of certain freedoms, and is oppressive and a very structured way of living and I am definitely not advocating it. You just have to read the book to see why. But I do see a different side to what is portrayed in the media. Books like these show us the true picture of the pain and suffering these Chinese people endured and how people fought for their “freedom.”

I wanted to write about this book in my blog because it made me think about the amazing women in north america who fought for the freedoms we have today. Living in India, I hope women continue to keep fighting for their rights, and to go againts what is socially acceptable in order to be happy.

This book is a must read!

It's a small world after all!

2008-09-23T03:39:00.005+05:30

I have been assigned to two portfolios at work recently, before I was only working for one portfolio at GEMS (GE Money), and when the upper management found out I was Canadian, I was assigned to a Canadian portfolio along with the American one I had already been assigned to.

It's been extremely busy, and being part of management, we have targets we have to reach and along with that I have to give training sessions in a classroom, and so many reports to fill out at the end of the week. So more work with two portfolios, but working and teaching Indians about Canada and listening in to Canadian calls has been so much fun!!! I'm not sure if I can mention the portfolio I work on (in a blog) but many of you know it well!!! So I have made a sort of reward that the first agent to get a call from any family member or friend, I will buy them dinner. Of course I have to be sitting with them or monitoring their calls at the time. There have been some close calls, and I get giddy when a customer calls from Sudbury, or Ottawa.

Having now worked and listened to Canadian customers and American customers, I can safely say, that most Canadian customers really are more polite, more patient and just less demanding.
Are there some jack-asses in the bunch?! Oh yes there are, but they are few and far between. Everyone at GEMS loves working on the Canadian portfolio, and I love being a part of this team as well.

Just to give you a hint, I have actually called this call centre before even knowing I was going to be working here, and some of the agents have actually pulled up my account to check on my birth date (because I wouldn't tell them). And many of you have called this call center too!!!! I even tracked down the actual agent I spoke with, he was quite freaked out to meet a real live customer, I mean they are in India, and really what are the chances of meeting a customer? When I went to speak to him I wasn't sure if he was happy to meet me, or scared out of his mind. He kept asking if I was satisfied with the call?? I don't even really remember what I was calling about, probably to change or update an address. But I told him he did fine!

I love how small this world actually is!!!!

Crash!

2008-09-18T18:04:00.005+05:30

On Tuesday I had the shock of my life, my computer crashed. Muscles downloaded a program on my laptop and I guess my anti-virus program had expired (oops my bad), and there was some Trojan virus attached to the software he downloaded. And kaboom (well it didn't make that sound) but that was more like the sound my heart made when Muscles broke the news to me. My computer was going berserk!

I remained calm. For 5 minutes. Then I lost all sensibilities and started pacing my apartment muttering not so nice words under my breath, hoping Muscles could work magic and restore it without losing anything. I was never angry at him. But I was freaking out. I am so computer illiterate I just had no idea what was happening.

But there was no way to get rid of the virus through some of the tricks he tried. Luckily Muscles is somewhat of a computer genius. He built his own computer from scratch, so I had all my hopes on him. I have so many pictures, and videos downloaded. I don't have a television so I download shows from home, my computer is my gateway to home and to life outside of India, I would be lost without it.

Muscles informed me that there is good news and bad news. The good news is that he can fix the computer, bad news is, he'll have to completely reformat it and remove EVERYTHING from the hard drive to get rid of the virus. But, he has one of those 80gb IPOD and so he could save my itunes folder (which holds 800 songs), all my pictures and the videos I had downloaded which was about 15gb of data. It took 3 hours to move the data to his IPOD and the computer was in safe mode so it was running a lot slower than normal. The first few attempts he made to fix it failed, his Windows XP Cd was not working, so he ran around the city trying to find another copy from a friend. Then after about 4 and a half agonizing hours, my computer was functional again. I had lost most of my files, a lot of software, but I can't complain. It could have been worse. If Muscles hadn't been so good with computers, i would have had to pay through the nose to fix it, and perhaps would have lost all my pictures (most are backed up on CD's in Canada), all my downloaded songs and TV shows.

I have been busy re-downloading many programs, because my computer is now pretty bare, but it is running so much quicker! And Muscles installed an awesome anti-virus program on my system so we can hope to avoid this situation in the future.

Crisis diverted! And my heart is beating regularly now.

Thank you for NOT smoking!

2008-09-12T22:47:00.007+05:30

Apparently India has not gotten the memo that smoking is not a cool thing to do anymore. I know there was a time when people smoked for the sheer status they thought it brought them, and that it was cool.
But there has been a shift in North America. First, you can't smoke anywhere anymore, celebrities don't even want to be caught photographed smoking because it is pretty much socially unacceptable there, and because it is terrible for your health and makes you look 50 when you're only 40.

People here in India think it's cool to smoke. I've asked some men why they smoke and they said because it's cool (insert eye roll here).
That's when I start to lecture them and tell them how bad it is for their health, and how it gives them premature wrinkles. But of course it is THIS statement that usually works on them, I tell them that if me or any of my girlfriends noticed a hot guy in a bar, then saw him light up a cigarette, we probably wouldn't approach him. knowing it could affect them with the ladies, usually does the trick. Now for the small addiction problem....quitting is not an easy thing to do.

After the "smoking is not cool" memo finishes circulating Europe - people are STILL smoking up a storm there too- they have to send it to India. When I look at a man smoking, I do not see James Dean. I see yellow teeth, a wrinkled face and hear a very un-sexy hacking phlegm-y cough, none of which scream "oh baby, come to mommy."

I think my work here is done........

I'm a hero....well kind of

2008-09-07T14:25:00.005+05:30

One day last week I heard whining and crying and so I eventually looked out my window and saw that one of the puppies that lives across the street (these are outside dogs) had fallen in the gutter and was stuck and crying. His mother was whining and just starring at her puppy, as she was helpless to get her pup out. So I ran out in my pj bottoms and sweater down the stairs to the gutter where the puppy was stuck. A few of my Indian neighbours had come out on to their balcony to see what the ruckus was all about, as the puppy was crying pretty loudly and had been for a little while now. I hear the puppies whining and crying everyday from my window so I didn't think to check until I realized the puppy sounded desperate and scared. So I stood over the gutter, but the puppy was so scared and he was shaking, but he kept hiding under a small area that was covered and I couldn't reach him. With the help of another Indian man, we managed to get the puppy out from under the covered area, using a small stick. The man gently nudged the puppy so he came out just enough so I could reach in and grab him by his belly and pull him out. The puppy, ran to his mother and the mother licked her pup continuously in relief of his safe return to her.
I took this picture a few minutes after I rescued the pup!

Roosters

2008-09-06T14:02:00.003+05:30

I always thought roosters only crowed in the early morning, to wake up the farmers and let them know it was time to start work on the field.

That is utter crap. The neighbours have a rooster who runs around all day and crows at ALL times of the day and night.

I'm not a violent person but if I had a BB gun............

The culprit!

The College System in India

2008-09-06T13:16:00.005+05:30

University was one of the best times of my life. I enjoyed my four years at the University of Ottawa, met amazing people, partied enough for a lifetime all while earning my bachelors in communications and doing fairly well. It's a life experience I would never trade for the world. I had a conversation with my friend from work yesterday (she is a good friend of mine and I'll nickname her labels, because she likes to wear brand names) about her college experience in Hyderabad. I wish you could see the look on my face while she was describing it to me. I'm sure I looked absolutely dumbfounded. Her description of College was that is was a jail. You have to arrive by 8:50am or else the gates of the college would be closed and locked. Once you are inside you can't leave. At all. Let's say you forgot to withdraw money and you want to buy lunch, and you need to run off campus to get money, you can't. I don't think ALL Colleges in India are like this, but the one she went to was like this and so are a few others in the city. Then when your classes are over at 2:30, they re-open the gates and you can then leave for the day. The worst part? If you miss a day at college your parents are called or sent a message by text to notify them of their child's defiance.

I'm open minded, and I try not to judge too quickly, but having had such an awesome time in University, I find it sad that others don't get to have that experience as well. I know that things are different all over the world, and I guess that is why I travel. But it doesn't always make it easier to understand the motive behind these kind of rules. I'm not sure who this helps? I guess I see it as, there is a time when you have to let young adults make their own choices and mistakes and learn the hard way. And this system of locking the gates is a way of saying you really aren't capable of making your own choices, and when you are here to study that is what you do.

The second thing Labels told me is that in India, if you don't have your masters degree, you are considered "un-educated." Labels is the only one in her family who does not yet have her masters (her three elder siblings all have theirs) and they tell her all the time that it's time for her to do it. The ultimate accomplishment is to go abroad and get your masters, which many do if their families can afford it. The education system in India is quite good and there are so many people to compete with that to get the best jobs having a masters is almost a must.
Muscles mom is a PhD in English literature and is a professor, his grandmother has a PhD in psychology, and I think there is also a lawyer somewhere in his family. His father owns a small pharmaceutical company, so there is a lot of pressure for him to be highly educated and successful.
The word pressure and sacrifice always comes up in my discussions with my friends.

Knowing all this has made me more motivated to get my masters degree, I've been feeling like getting back to studying lately, so maybe this is a good opportunity. I just won't be doing it at a college in India. I like my freedom too much!

The city has come alive......

2008-09-03T14:20:00.005+05:30

On Monday, a few times during the day I heard sirens going off in the city that sounded like air raids, but I KNEW they weren't to warn the city of some impending bombing, it was the signal that Ramadan had started in Saudi Arabia, and that at dusk, Ramazan (as it is called in India) will begin.
Since Canada is a multi-cultural country and I have a few Muslim friends I met at university, I know what Ramadan means. Also, I got to learn more about it having traveled to a Muslim country during the time of Ramada (Malaysia).
Ramazan is similar to lent (for Christians), as the idea behind it is will power and giving something up as a sacrifice to God or in this case Allah (which means God in Arabic). Fasting is meant to teach the person patience and humility. Ramadan is a time to fast for the sake of God, and to offer even more prayer than usual (and most are encouraged to recite the entire Qu'ran during Ramazan). During Ramazan, Muslims ask forgiveness for past sins, pray for guidance into the future, ask for help in refrain from everyday evils and try to Lent is very similar as you give up something truly important to you for 40 days.
Ramazan is for 30 days on the Islamic calendar and from sunrise to sunset you fast. This includes:

No food or drink, not even water
No smoking
No alcohol
No sex
No impure or immoral thoughts

Most people wake very early, perhaps an hour before sunrise (around 4-ish), pray and eat a hearty breakfast, then for about 13 hours they go without, as a sacrifice to Allah. Then at sunset, the fast is broken with some fruit and snacks, then there is prayer and then dinner. During the times between sunset and sunrise you can do and have all the things you can't have during the 13 or so hours of fasting. So it's not like you are giving this up for 30 days continuously.

Hyderabad is about 50-60% Muslim, so the city has come alive with activity. On my way to work yesterday at around 7:30pm, I noticed much more activity on the street, vendors selling the Muslim traditional food, haleem and just a general hustle and bustle of activity that is not usually present. Old city, Hyderabad, which is predominantly Muslim will be crowded, but will offer amazing shopping experiences.

Traveling and living in another culture offers so many great learning experiences and this is definitely one of them. Experiencing the real thing is so much better than reading about it in some book or reading about it in the newspaper.

I have many Muslim friends, that I have made here, and I plan to celebrate this religious holiday with them and learn as much as I can about Islam from them. I won't be fasting, but I will be enjoying the shopping and all the wonderful traditional foods that will only be available during this time in the city.