I think Junayd and I are doing a relatively good job at meeting int he middle, but it's some of the small things that make it really difficult to parent. Admittedly, I am doing the parenting about 70% of the time, mostly because he works and he is gone for 10 hours a day.
Junayd and I spoke about this the other day. He feels,I raise Yasmine with day to day goals, like saying please and thank yous, eating her food, behaving, etc... but he has these long term ideas, which of course are super important but I feel are not worth dealing with right away. He is very very adamant about our children never living with a partner before they are married, and also he feels that our children marrying young is way more beneficial than waiting until they are older. In his mind they are less likely to be promiscuous if they get married early. It's quite an Indian attitude, that's for sure. Whereas, I'm very detached about stuff like that, I think it's mostly my western attitude, because, once they turn 18, I feel that a lot of stuff will be beyond my control. You can teach your children well, but these kinds of things are really hard to enforce when your child is 25 and telling you they will live with their boyfriend/girlfriend. Believe me I have been there done that. My parents didn't like my choice, but they certainly didn't disown me. I would never force my children to marry young and I would never disown them for living with their partner before marriage.
But some of the smaller things are what really frustrate me. This business of letting kids do what they want, when they want, is just ridiculous to me. Yasmine is almost 2 years old, and just because she wants chocolate doesn't mean she gets it. I am having the hardest time fighting with my own husband about stuff like this.
Kids stay up until all hours of the night here, and people expect me to do the same with Yasmine. I make compromises, but I don't feel like a 2 year old should be up until 10pm. I was at my in-laws the other day and it was 830, already late, and I told my mil that Yasmine had to get to bed. And she said "so early?" I was like, she is normally sleeping by now!!
Also this business of feeding her crap is getting to me as well. Last night, as an example, I was at my in-laws and we were cooking chicken and a few other things. I told Junayd to make sure Yasmine didn't eat anything before dinner because she wouldn't eat. I turned around 5 minutes later and she had this cake in her hand. I was like who gave her this?? My fil was like I did, she asked for it, so I gave it to her. I was so livid. I turned to Junayd and I said, this is why our daughter is NOT eating her meals. He just shrugged and was like, grandparents are supposed to spoil the grand kids. So of course I took away the cake and she cried bloody murder, and I am once again the bad guy. And this has happened so many times I can't even count. This is where I need the support from Junayd.
My MIL gave Yasmine some coke at like 7pm at night when I specifically said no, and right before my eyes I see her giving Yasmine coke, and before I could take it away, Yasmine had drank half a glass. Guess who was awake until 1130pm??? I mean who the hell is the parent here? Every time we go over, she gets chocolate, and during Ramazan we were there 4 times a week so she got chocolate every time. There's only so many times you can fight with them.
My in-laws are terrific people, and they love Yasmine, and I know that's how they show their affection, but I need to draw the line somewhere. If it means less visits over there then so be it. But what I really need is support from Junayd with this stuff, he needs to tell his parents to stop. But again, he just doesn't see this stuff as major issues. But to me it's still all part in raising a healthy unspoiled child, and because she gets whatever she wants at her grandparents, she expects the same at home too. It's more battle than I care to deal with.
It will just take more work and communication and I know I have to let a lot of this stuff go, because some of it is not worth stressing about. But I hate always being the bad guy in this situations, and Junayd needs to step in and discipline as well.