Welcome Yasmine Rose

Dear fellow readers,
Sorry for the disappearing act for the last few months, but those who know me, family and friends you all know the story. For those of you who are random readers, I came back to Canada to have my baby because my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I was 34 weeks pregnant and flew half away around the world to be with my family. My husband was my biggest supporter and made sure I left as soon as possible to be with my mom.
Sadly, she passed away on September 6th, 11 days before her granddaughter Yasmine Rose was born.
But this post is not about losing my mother, because I am not ready to write about that yet. The feelings are still very raw and new, and sometimes I think i am still in denial.
This post is about my daughter, Muscles and my daughter. She was born on September 17th, at 37 and half weeks. I had the support of my Aunt Anita and her daughter, my cousin Sheila in the room with me. They were amazing coaches and took my husbands place. My dad was also in and out of the room supporting me through the labour. i was in labour a total of 15 hours, but only about 6 of those hours were hard constant labour. Yasmine Rose was born at 4;45pm and weighed 6 pounds 4 ounces. She's perfect!
I plan to head back to India in about a month or so after I get all the paperwork done and after my sister has her baby.

Yasmine has been a blessing in our life, and has helped us heal from the death of my mother. She has no idea what her birth has done for us, and what her presence has meant for all of us, my dad, my aunts, my cousins, and my sister and I. One day when she is older she will understand the magnitude of her birth and timing of her being born. She was born the day before my parents were to celebrate their 38th wedding anniversary.
Here are some pictures of her birth and a few weeks after.

minutes old

First hair wash

mama and yasmine

leaving the hospital

At aunty Shar's and Uncle Tim's place

some weird pregnancy myths.....

I feel like I am living in the twilight zone over here sometimes with the things people tell me not to do during pregnancy, or what I should do. Some of this stuff I have NEVER heard in my life, and it's quite unsettling. I met an American mid-wife here working in a hospital and she has been great to talk to to clear the air on some of the superstitions/ideas. She also told me that Indians look at pregnancy as more of an illness or condition and that Indian women are much less active during pregnancy than western women.

Here is some of the list of things that have been said to me, or advised of me during my pregnancy:

• Don't eat papaya as it will cause a spontaneous abortion
• Do not drink cold water as it will give the baby asthma (I have a hard time drinking room temperature water and always bring a bottle of frozen water to work so it lasts for hours)
• I shouldn't be walking or taking the stairs in my condition (pregnancy is a condition)?
• During a solar or lunar eclipse, a pregnant woman should not be outside and should only lay flat and not move for those 2 hours. Going to the bathroom is out of the question, making food (chopping or cutting of any kind). The result is if you cut food, the baby will be born missing a limb or finger, or have a cleft palate, or could have some kind pf permanent birthmark on their body. There was an eclipse 3 weeks ago I think. Luckily it was between 5:30am-7:30am and I was asleep anyway. My pregnant boss (who recently had her baby) sent me home early from work to make sure I was home and ready to sleep by 4am!! I work night shift.
• During the 8th month (weeks 32-35) I should be extra careful no running, no stress, nothing that could cause me to go into labour basically, because babies born in the 8th month don't live! (HOW MORBID IS THIS)? This is straight from my mother-in-laws mouth. She said babies born in the 7th and 9th month are fine, but not the 8th. When I told her it was a stupid superstition she freaked out and was like no, it's medical!! WTF?
• After a baby is born, a woman must stay home for 40 days (not 30 not 39 but 40 days, and do limited amounts of activity (not much reading or watching television) because it will affect your health in the future. My friend just told me this (she had her baby 11 days ago) and then she asked me, do women do this in the west? I was like, never heard of this IN MY LIFE!!! I am not staying home for 40 days unless I'm too sick to move!!! and I am certainly not going to stop reading and watching television!!
• Also during the 40 days the baby should not leave the house for fear of the evil eye. People will send evil thoughts and put curses on the baby because they are jealous of how cute it is. Apparently people think Muscles and my baby will be really cute (of course it will) and have told me very seriously to be careful about the evil eye, and to keep the baby at home and to put kajal (black kohl) on it's face or eyes so people don't get envious of the cuteness of the baby. For GOD'S sake. Are you kidding me. The worst thing is that my husband actually believes this.
  

So that is about it, I might be forgetting something, because i have had all sorts of crap thrown at me since i got pregnant and been living in India. Some of it is interesting to hear from a cultural stand point, but when you're pregnant and already worried that you're doing everything right for the baby, then you have some of this crap spewed at you it just makes for a very confusing time and can be very frustrating!
I am now 32 weeks pregnant, and am so anxious and excited than soon I'll be able to meet this little feisty boy or girl that has been inside me! But I also wonder what new and interesting things will come up on how to deal with a newborn in India, then how to deal with a toddler, etc. I am sure there will be lots of new anecdotes, superstitions and advice thrown my way. Should be interesting to say the least!!

Weekend Getaway

Muscles and I went away on the weekend, there aren't too many places to go that isn't too far outside of Hyderabad, so we chose Nagarjuna Sagar, which is a waterfall in the closest thing to wilderness you'll find so close to the city. We drove, and it took about 4 hours (and it is only about 200km) outside of the city.
The waterfall has pretty much dried up, but after the monsoon there should be a lot more water. But for us it was just the point of getting away more than seeing a waterfall, I mean come on, I've been to the Niagara Falls so many times in my life, no other waterfall could really do it justice (ok yes there are a few others that could in South America I think), but really, it was just about getting away.

Not much to write about, so I'll let the pictures do the talking.





A tree growing withing a tree




















28 weeks pregnant

Are you a wife or a slave?

A girl I work with recently got married. She is 30 years old and her family never thought it would happen for her. Her marriage was arranged and she met the guy a few times before the wedding. Before I go on to tell you the story, I want to say she is very very happy, mostly to be married, but she also seems to care about the man she married, and perhaps soon she will come to love him.
But with arranged marriages, communication can be a problem, there are so many expectations, and getting to know each other, and trying to please one another. This girl Celine, has taken a liking to me, she always asks for my advice, and it's probably because I tell it to her like it is (for me from a westerners perspective). Here is a conversation I had with her recently:

Me: So once you get home from work what do you do? (she would get home around 10:30pm)
Celine: I have to cook for my husband, he waits for me to get home from work.
Me: Oh, OK, do you have to cook every night?
Celine: (looking puzzled) of course, don't you cook for your husband everyday?
Me: (laughing) No, I don't cook for my husband everyday, when i cook it's for me AND my husband and I do it when I have the time and when I feel like it.
Celine: Oh, that's sweet
Me: So what time do you sleep and get up?
Celine: I sleep around 1am and, well my husband gets up at 5am to go to the gym and he likes it when I get up with him to make him his tea.
Me: At 5am??
Celine: Yes, he says I should get used to getting up early to get my work done around the house.
Me: Man, I feel so lucky. My husband gets up before me and always tells me to go back to sleep and rest.
Celine: it's probably because of your condition
Me: My condition?
Celine: You know you're pregnant
Me: No, no, no, it's just I'm not a slave. Sweetie, when you got married did you become a wife or a slave?
Celine: (laughing) it's just Indian culture
Me: No it isn't. My father-in-law gets up for 4:30 am prayers and makes his own tea, so I know wit's not all culture.

So that was my conversation with Celine, but guess what? She told her husband about our conversation, and her husband told her she didn't have to get up, he thought she liked getting up and making his tea (duh). So when i saw her the next day she said to me that she felt so fresh because she had slept for 7 hours and didn't have to get up to make tea. I told her arranged marriages were the same as "love" marriages in that you needed to have communication and understanding, so that she should speak to her husband if something makes her uncomfortable
Marriage really is the same no matter where in the world you are!

The baby belly

Here is me pregnant at 24 weeks preggo!!! The first trimester was one of the worst things I've ever been through, no throwing up, but constant 24/7 nausea! The 2nd trimester has been a wonderful experience, and now that I am feeling the baby kick and can even see it outside of my belly, I am just amazed at the life growing inside me and super excited.
The best was when my husband finally felt our little one kick. I think it definitely helped him to bond with our baby!!

So here I am!!

Need a spouse: Look no further than the classifieds!

Now that I live in the apartment on top of my in-laws I have access to all their newspapers subscriptions. It's nice to be able to keep up with the Bollywood scene and the news scene. However, one day I was going through the newspaper and came across a 2 page spread of " the matrimonial section." One page was girl looking for guy, and the other page was guy looking for girl. But you see, it's not what you'd expect. The main points of interest are the colour of the girls or guy's skin (fair skinned girl seeking fair skinned guy) or (wheat-ish skin boy seeks fair skin girl). Marrying someone fair is important here, so I guess my husband did well, you can't get much fairer than me! HAHA.

Anyway, yesterday, my husband was on the computer typing something out and i asked him what he was typing and he said that his uncle has been trying to find a husband for his daughter for the last year, and so he was typing up her matrimonial bio to give to potential suitors. Muscles cousin is 19 years old and the father is starting to feel desperate that he won't find a husband for her. Geesh!
So I wanted to share with you what a matrimonial bio looks like. I asked Muscles if I could post it, and he thought it would be funny to share.

Matrimonial Bio-Data

Name:- Salma Begum

Age:- 19 Years (1990)

Height:- 5’ 5’’

Complexion:- Fair

Religion:- Islam (Sunni Muslim)

Qualification:- B. Com (Final Year)

Madina Degree College

Himayathnagar

Fathers Name:- Esa Khan

Manager,

Pharmacare Laboratories P.Ltd

Pattedar Village Akhunchaguda Dist. Medak

Grand Father:- Late Mohammed Khan Sahab

(Paternal) Ex-Pattedar Village Akhunchaguda Dist. Medak

Grand Father:- Late Mohammed Abdul Wahab Sahab

(Maternal) Retd. Deputy Collector

Uncles:- Mehmood Khan

(Paternal) Pattedar Village Akhunchaguda Dist. Medak

Yahya Khan

Pattedar Village Akhunchaguda Dist. Medak

Uncles:- Ahmed Abdul Waheed

(Maternal) Retd. Deputy Director,

Directorate of Geology and Mining,

Ahmedabad.

Ahmed Abdul Rasheed

Retd. Field Manager,

Parke-Davis,

Hyderabad.

Khaja Ismail Ahmed

Managing Director,

Pharmacare Laboratories P.Ltd

Hyderabad.

Sheik Ishaq Ahmed

Sr. Executive Manager,

Haji-Hussain Ali-Reza,

Jeddah.

Rafat Siddiqui

Ex-Manager,

S.B.I (Head Office)

Saleem Qureshi

Branch Manager,

S.B.H (Masab Tank)

Brother:- Adil Mohammed Khan

B.Tech (Completed)

Al Habeeb College of Engg. & Tech.

Interesting to note that Muscles cousin isn't really that fair, but putting that she is will increase her suitors. And also, see that there is very little written about her, and more about the kind of family she comes from and the jobs that the men in her family have or have had. Also notice that there is no information about her mother, or her sister, just her uncles, father and brother.
I`m really open to cultures, and I try my best to understand and accept, but arranged marriages and misogyny is still very very hard for me to wrap my head around.
For instance, one of Muscles friends (who really isn`t his friend anymore) told me he knew my baby was a boy. (note: We are not finding out the sex and keeping it a surprise) I replied, why does it matter? And he said well prophets are men, and so it does matter. So I told him I was going home to pray for a girl. Seriously, I can`t handle stuff like that. Muscles and I just hope and pray for a healthy baby, whatever the sex.

So there you have it, if you are looking for a spouse in India, just open up with The Indian Times, you'll have loads of people to select from!!

Baby Shower pics

When I visited home my mom along with my aunts and cousins threw me a baby shower, since I would be having the baby in India and not coming back to Canada until months after the baby is born. Everyone was really gracious and I got a lot of clothes for the baby but also money to buy the things I need here in India.

Here are a few pics of that wonderful day!!


NB: Also the most amazing, and crazy thing of all, is that my sister and her husband are also expecting... 3 weeks after me!!! My parents are in a wonderland of grandchildren, and couldn't be happier. In early Feb they had no grandchildren then by March they were expecting 2!!! Amazing!!! it's amazing going through this at the same time as my sister who is 20 weeks along now. It's just too bad I am so far away. Thank you VIDEO SKYPE!!!





My sister (who is beside me) and her husband bought this for the baby. How appropriate!


My cloth diapers (which is so much more environmentally friendly)


My amazing grandmother!! Who is 85, can you believe it!



My two long time friends Kim and Shelley who is pregnant with her third!





My cousins Sydney who made me a special collage of pictures and bought me my baby book along with my two other cousins Summer and Taylor (not pictured)

My amazing friends Amanda, Kim, my wonderful mom and cousin Sheila