If you were a bug on a wall, you might hear this....

Conversation 1:

Me to my mother-in-law: "Sister-in-law and I are just going out to buy Yasmine a play-pen. Can I leave Yasmine with you?"

MIL: Oh, Yes. I'd love that!

Father-in-Law: "Aren't you taking Yasmine?"

Me: "Ah, no, it will just be easier if we can run in and out"

FIL: "Well won't Yasmine be angry"

Me: VERY uncomfortable silence

MIL: "No, go leave her with me, please!"

Me: "I don't think Yasmine knows angry yet, plus she needs to know that mom goes away and mom comes back"

FIL: "Well I think she will cry and be very angry with you"

ME to MIL: "OK bye then, see you in about an hour"

NB: Yasmine was fine and didn't even know I was gone!!!

Conversation #2

Me to MIL: "We moved Yasmine into her own room. She sleeps better and so do we"

MIL: SHOCKED. "No you must not put her in her own room. She'll be lonely!"

Me: She's 5 months, she's ready"

MIL: SHOCKED "No, Shelley, No."

ME: "So what are we having for dinner?"

NB: Yasmine never even noticed she was in her own room and sleeps 100 times better now and so do we!

Conversation # 3

Me: "My sister and her hubby are going to Hawaii for 10 days in May"

MIL: "With their son?"

ME: "No, Quinn is staying with Grandad (my dad). Lucky boy!!"

MIL: SHOCKED "I could never leave my children"

Me: "It's good for my sis and hubby and good for Quinn, and great for my dad"

MIL: "10 days is too long Shelley"

ME: "So what's for dinner?"

NB: You rock sis!! You and hubby go and have fun! Quinn will have a blast with Grandad, and dad will LOVE IT! So will Quinn! He'll miss you but he'll be a better baby for it. I guarantee it! children here could use to be away from their parents more often. Believe me!!

I have 2 points here, first, is that kids are not taught to be independent here. They are taught to rely on their parents and never to be away from them. This is not my theory, I just read it in a cross cultural communication article my MIL gave me. She read it to understand my wacky western ways. I'm not even kidding. When we moved out, she was VERY upset. Irrational almost. But then she read this article written by an Indian, about how North Americans and Indians differ, and it even had a special section on children. How we westerners teach our children independence (their own room, how to make their own decisions, get the hell out at 18), you know.... and how they coddle and don't teach their children independence. The article has definitely helped her to understand some of the differences, or at least it has helped her to cope with the differences. I don't really think she'll ever truly get it. And that is OK. At least she is trying.

My second point, is that I am learning to shut the hell up! I don't argue, I don't try to make them understand. The culture is just too different. I say my peace, and if they don't like it, or oppose or give advice, I listen, and then I just do what I want, with my husband's support of course!! At first he didn't want Yasmine to have her own room, but after a little convincing and letting me try it out, he realized it made the MOST sense, for her and for us!

So, if you were a bug on a wall, you'd get to hear these interesting conversations. They certainly make life interesting....