I am going to try to explain my experiences here as best as I can, and try to remember some of the best conversations I have had with young Indian men.
If I lived in India, I am sure all my friends would be men. They rock!
First of all, Indian men are very direct and open about their feelings, it doesn't matter what they are, sex, love, marriage, friendship, western women, Indian women...I've had a conversation about all these topics many times with many Indian men.
First off, when I first meet Indian men, they ask the obvious and monotonous four questions, "What is your name, where are you from, how old are you, and are you married? I always laugh at them and ask them if these answers are even important. And they admit they really aren't other than my name. So I never give them an answer which usually drive me nuts (just to toot my own own horn many Indian men think I am about 24 or 25).
In India, most women get married very young, after they turn 18 they are considered marrying age. Many of the middle class women go to University first, but have an partner who is arranged for them to marry once University is over. If the family is poor, the women usually marries after she turns 18 and the family may arrange the marriage. However, unlike what most people think, the girl has the choice to say yes, or no to the possible suitor.
Most Indian women don't date, and can't stay out very late. So the Indian men, love meeting and hanging out with foreign girls as we are open, can go out and have a beer with them, or just hang out and have good conversation. And yes, it happens where foreign girls have sex with Indian men, and I am sure that's on the mind of most of the Indian men when they do befriend a westerner. But that is like most men anyway, I would think. Plus Hollywood movies haven't done a great job in portraying us white girls. So Indian men think we are easy (not just Indian men most Asian cultures actually). So we just have to set them straight.
Joseph and I have had many good conversations with Ramesh and Kiran about everything I mentioned above. And I have been told I am very direct, (and they love it although they usually blush madly). My first question is always, do you want your parents to find you a wife? And I think the majority of the time, the men say they want a love marriage. I ask them the obvious questions if they are allowed to marry a westerner (and all have said yes) that is not a problem. This might be more true for the men, as opposed to the women. As I haven't had one single conversation with an Indian woman about this.
While living in Korea you saw many white guys with gorgeous Korean women, and it is exactly the opposite here. I have seen western girls (French, Canadian, English, German, Dutch) with gorgeous Indian men, and they might get a few stares now and then, but it doesn't seem to be an off limits thing here.
While in Cochin, I went to a jewellery shop where the guy working was about 24 years old, and from Kashmir (up north). And while buying jewellery we got to talking about stuff. Actually it was 2 Indian guys, Joseph and me (as always I am usually the only girl and I am getting quite used to it). Adil (the shop keeper) asked if we wanted tea and to stay and chat with him, and we did. We chatted about homosexuality, transsexuals, love marriage, like 4 chicks, over tea. OK I am a chick but they aren't and I loved every minute of it. Adil even picked out the ankle bracelet and I ended up buying, while telling me that if he had a wife, this ankle bracelet would be the one he would like her to wear. Who can argue with that (I bought it after I bartered him down to a good price) Friend or not, I still want a fair price.
A funny story Adil shared with us went something like this (and remember I had just met the guy about a half an hour earlier) but apparently we were now best friends.
A few months back, this woman came into his shop and she was dark skinned (black he thinks), and he said " he had attraction with her." She wanted to buy a Saree, and as he was helping her with the Saree, something in the front of her moved. He stepped back and then looked at her hands, and he said "hands were very very big, like hands of a man." Then he said to me with the straightest face "how can that be, I make attraction with her but she has a man's part. I think maybe I am gay."
Trying not to laugh too hard, I told him that didn't make him gay and that his reaction was normal. Poor Adil. But what I loved about it, was his honesty and openness to the situation.
Another thing I have also noticed about Indian men, is that they actually appreciate and find a woman more attractive when wearing Indian clothes. But the looks you get wearing a Salwar or Saree is different than the looks you would get wearing revealing western clothes. The night I went to the Kathakali performance, I decided to wear the Salwar I bought in Mumbai. It's a pink top that goes about mid-thigh with gold and blue flowers. I bought gold baggy Salwar pants and a gold scarf to go with it (which you have to wear to finish the look). I got so many approving looks, and some guys on a bike actually said "Nice salwa" (short for Salwar Kameez). The guys at the guesthouse gave me a thumbs up when I left for the performance, and told me I looked stunning. I actually felt kind of frumpy at first, but after the evening was over, I definitely felt more exotic. I even rode on teh back of a motorcycle in it, scarf flying and all!!
Adil told me that he would show me how to tie a Saree, but he warned me that all the men would follow me if I wore one, as a beautiful western girl with a Saree would attract many Indian men. Adil is also probably one of the best looking Indian men I've seen. He has light northern skin and hazel eyes. So the compliment was definitely flattering. (Joseph took a picture of us two guys and me shooting the shit) when he sends it I will post.
And that brings me to attraction and looks and personality. Almost all the Indian men I have met seem to be more interested in personality than looks. Sure they check out a hot girl, but their idea of what is beautiful is definitely different than what western ideas are. A kind and caring person, may attract an Indian man, more than a hot blond babe. Also body types here vary, as Indian women seem to be of all different shapes and sizes. Yes many are smaller, but not all of them, and Indian men seem to appreciate all body shapes and sizes.
Also, sex is a question that comes up often and Indian men are not shy about asking very direct questions. I usually say "hey, isn't this the place that invented the Kama Sutra? You guys should be giving us a lesson or two."
Ramesh answered this one the best, as he said "Yes, we invented Kama Sutra, but we have no one to practice it on, as Indian women want to be virgins until marriage. Or so they say anyway."
Sorry Ramesh....but you can't practice on me.
